|Reviews for Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rebirth|
| The FieryCharmeleon chapter 24 . 1/27/2020
SPOILERS. GO READ THE STORY BEFORE CHECKING THE REVIEWS YOU WEEBS.
As the usual, your writing is absolutely superb, and I got a chuckle when Flame told Brynn that he was feeling sick, as he tried to not gain attention from Daedalus, only for Brynn to ask Flame if he wanted help from Daedalus.
And that's just one joke too. It's much stronger when shit hits the fan.
The two things occurred in this chapter that I missed so much. The fear of our characters lives and the reunion of Team Phalanx. It feels like a band getting back together for me.
I have to be honest, while the past five chapters or so were good, I didn't find myself too excited to see them. The main problem with chapter 19-23 was that the chapters basically just consisted of Flame and Alice perspective, with them thinking
Flame: I need to escape and get my freedom back with my TRUE FRIENDS, but oh, how can I leave the only people who offered to give me a home?"
Alice: I miss Flame, he was my only friend :(
To me, it was nothing that exciting, and I found myself just waiting for the story to get exciting again. A bit of a downer, for sure. But with this chapter, it completely flipped my thoughts of this story on it's head, as one chapter alone, had immediately got me hooked back into the story. Definitely the highlight of this chapter was the Mystery Dungeon part to where we see old and new friends, along with both factions reuniting together.
Not only, this was the moment that me and I'm sure most of us were anxious for, but I would say it delivers of the build up from when Flame was first captured.
It was an extremely intense moment, as I, didn't know which side Flame was gonna choose. And when the plot twist came, where it was revealed that the Imperials were set on killing Flame, it filled an even more sense of hopeless, than before. And I really loved it. Such a joy. And who doesn't love seeing Team Phalanx alone with each other, and as a team once again. I really hope they get to stick to together for atleast abit, but I have a feeling that either one will be captured by the Imperial or Scum or all three of them. Not to mention, what will happen to Daedules and Brynn? Those poor two :(
Whatever happens in the next chapter, I'm sure as hyped to find out! Have a great day, evening or night Antioch!
| Guest chapter 24 . 1/26/2020
This fix is unbelievably good. No pandery bullshit, no obvious self-insert characters, no lame cliches. Just top notch fucking writing and a plot that I can't pull myself away from. And these characters, they're so real. You developed them like a master of the craft. So fucking good.
You fill a hole in my heart. Thank you.
| SparklingEspeon chapter 6 . 1/19/2020
Review of chapters 4 - 6
I went over these yesterday intending to review them tomorrow, so here I am! :) Originally I was going to review through chapter seven, but it seemed like whatever goes down in chapter seven might require more than just chapter seven to review properly, so I'll cover that in the next review and focus on the calm before the storm instead.
The third chapter opens on Team Phalanx exiting the dungeon and then abruptly stopping for the night with hopes they can reach the Task Force Aegis base by morning. From what I'm seeing Flame is taking everything the other two members of the team are telling him waaay out of proportion. Alice seems practically smitten with him no matter what he does, and Gaius is probably waiting for results before he judges Flame. He even interprets Alice's warning not to go out as commentary on himself, when it's clear they're stopping for a good reason not related to him.
…Oh god. He's going to go out, isn't he.
So, the flygon has two important things to tell Ariel when he disturbs her, one of which (The fact that a Portal Storm is happening dangerously close to the town) is *far* more important then the other. From what I've seen Ariel is not a pokemon who appreciates being disturbed or incompetence, so the fact that this is the *last* thing she hears sounds like something that would tick her off big time. I can see how it was structured that way for the dramatic payoff, but that's something that jumped out to me while reading. Another thing Ariel says is that she 'wishes that guy would quit already' in relation to Team Phalanx. Assuming 'that guy' is Gaius... does she not realize that they'll probably be starvng in the mountains if not for those jobs? I get that she just doesn't care about anyone below her in rank, but that seems like a level of ignorance that will come back to bite her fast.
OMG the portal storm. That is *so* freaky. I assume that's the scene from the cover? I have literally no idea why those exist, but I'm immediately interested.
Gaius is spending their money on alcohol? O_O Given his reasons I can't say I'm surprised (I've heard that one of the chief reasons for people drinking alcohol is to get their minds off the stress...), but it's still shocking all the same, and I never would have guessed he was doing it. That's probably going to drive a schism between Team Phalanx when it inevitably gets revealed... I think Flame was right to keep it to himself for the time being.
Ariel is worse than Gaius, but I do agree with her logic: Why did the Empire draft Team Phalanx for a high-caliber mission? I could see it being a morale-boosting program, especially since they sent those empire guards which basically guarantees the mission's success; but I'm a little suspicious especially since that's the team that has Flame on it. Whatever IS going on; though, one thing I'm sure of is that Ariel genuinely *is* clueless.
The fact that the empire can draft teams, though, is interesting. Are they like the bootleg military, to be used whenever the first-rate soldiers aren't available?
Obviously those empire guards weren't welcome in that town, but I think the way that Virgo grabs that mug of beer out of another pokemon's hands says a lot about how pokemon from the south (I assume he and Yvaine are from the south?) regard the pokemon up in the north. It seems to be a subtle prejudice at least in Virgo's case, but it's still very much there. (Or; alternatively it could just be Virgo being butthurt, but I highly doubt that's the case.)
That creature - I assume it's a dusclops - is really freaky. It (alogn with the portal storms) implies that something more supernatural is at work here, but I wonder if it's going to come back in the dungeon the two teams are about to enter.
I wonder why only Flame could see it, though...
There are a few worldbuilding nitpicks I have in these three chapters, so I'm going to go through them here:
Upon returning to the Task Force Aegis camp/base, Gaius gets Team Phalanx out of doing grunt work by claiming that Flame is hurt and needs treatment. He later states that he 'didn't want to do the monkey work'. Ignoring how unpleasant that is; since that seems to be a Gaius staple at this point, it makes me wonder about the animal distribution in this world. Does the world of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rebirth have regular old animals? If not, then why does Gaius use 'monkey' and not another word like 'grunt'? Perhaps they're used to denotate classes of pokemon (Like, cat pokemon; bird pokemon; etc)? If so, does that imply a prejudice against monkey pokemon? Just food for thought.
So, you mentioned in the response you sent me that Charmeleon tail flames are ethereal, but in these next chapters there are several instances where pokemon freak out that Flame might burn something with his tail (And later, he actually *does* burn something). I could see Gaius just using it as an excuse to keep the proof of conduct on him, but then later it actually happens and I'm confused?
It seems my predictions about the Scum were right after all... You seem to be going with the 'barbarian' thing too. In all honesty they remind me of the Huns more than the 'barbarians', though; given that they seem to be a large, organized army and there's no obvious nation that they came from (Unless the Wastelands are hiding some sort of civilization?). Obviously I'm not *there* yet, but it seems you're still keeping a lot of things about them in the dark.
I like that it takes time for the berries to work, instead of them healing injuries the literal *moment* they're eaten. Most real-life medicines don't work the moment you ingest them, so why would berries? That was something I don't see much in PMD, so I was pleasantly surprised to see it here.
Whilst in the library, Flame leaves through books and reads up on his pokemon's abilities. What sticks out to me is that he can *read* the language, which makes me wonder if he really is just some amnesiac that got lucky instead of The Human like many people *Including me!) assumed. Otherwise, it might just be another handwaving thing, but... IDK.
General notes and speculation:
Something interesting I've noticed is that (Like I mentioned last review) I'm getting less of a generic PMD feel from this story and more of a Game of Thrones feel instead. Most of the actual danger comes less from more fanciful elements like a plague/dictatorship/eldritch abomination and more from just random things in the wild and being poor in general. Team Phalanx doesn't get any glory at all unless it's by association, and no-one else bats an eye when they dig in dumpsters for food and get chewed out daily. I think it's sad to see that Alice and Gaius are doing their best to accommodate Flare, while balancing that with the embarrassment that comes with their poorness. The scene where Alice looks mortified because they have to dig in the trash just to eat almost made me want to cry...
It was just a weird namedrop in the first three chapters I read, but now that I've seen one Portal Storms are freaky. That seems like something that could get a suitably creepy musical number.
When Flame and Alice are going over the maps in the library, Flame points out that everything aboth The North has been covered with clouds. Alice says that this is due to the fact that 'The Wasteland' is basically unmappable and therefore it's likely just the map-maker's attempt to make the map look fancy, but it reminded me a lot of the world maps from Nintendo games, where an area is clouded over because you haven't reached it yet. That was interesting.
Overall, my opinions of this fic haven't changed much from last time I reviewed. It still possesses that 'real world' feel, and I'm appreciative of the fact that you're going in a more original direction with the Scum instead of making them like demon creatures from the Wastelands or something. It makes me wonder how you're going to balance the political tones of the Empire with the more archaic PMD feel going from here on out (For I doubt that Team Phalanx is going to remain in the run-down Task Force Aegis for long), but I'm looking forward to reading it as it goes!
Listening to: Dance of the Druids - Bear McCreary
| SparklingEspeon chapter 3 . 1/17/2020
Review of chapters 1 - 3
I had the time today, so I thought I would look at this. I've seen this story in a couple of places online, but the cover wasn't giving off a very good impression to me (See: Extreme Edge), so I sort of shied away from it. As you can probably tell by now; I'm not the biggest fan of edge, so it's a good thing that the cover seems to have misjudged the book? IDK. I'm only three chapters in.
The first chapter opens on Alice and Gaius walking up the mountain after having presumably failed their mission, but they aren't important right now, so I'll get to them later. What really interests me is when Charmeleon/Flame wakes up in the cave, his tail flame has gone out. It seems to be a fanon thing in PMD that a Charmander will die if their tail flame goes out, so the fact that it's out here yet Flame (Can I call him Flame? I'm just going to do it for the sake of convenience) seems to be very much intact.
I'm interested by the 'portal storm' that Gaius mentions on their way back to the base. Perhaps that's the weird purple thing in the background on the cover? Eithe way; I hope that comes back later.
The first chapter ends with Gaius and Alice using Flame as a straw-mon so that they can get off scot-free, which is horrid but not mustache-twirling *evil*. Either way, it's a really good hook that got me to read on, and I'd imagine a lot of other people did too.
When the second chapter opens, Flame's tail seems to be alight again. This is where the first nitpick of the fic in general comes in: All the things that Flame was lying on - straw, a plank, cloth - are flammable. Why don't any of them get set alight as he sleeps? This is further compounded by the end of chapter two, when Flame goes with Alice and Gaius to their base and he wonders if his tail will burn it down. Alice tells him that the flame on the end of his tail isn't as dangerous as the flame from a real fire would be, but I'd assume it's still somewhat of a fire hazard. Anyways; it's just something I thought I'd point out, as many fic authors tend to ignore the Charizard line's tail flames when it's convenient.
The impression that I got from the first chapter is that this is like a fusion of the concept of Broken Ideals and the atmosphere of Silver Resistance. You seem to have an organization that goes after 'Scum' (I had thought the capitalization of Scum was a typo the first time around, and it took a few more goes for me to catch on), but their base seems to be built into the mountain a~la Silver Resistance? Either way, I thought that was interesting, not least because it seems to lose that atmosphere once the second chapter begins. Once the second chapter opens, it feels more like Game of Thrones than anything else- there's a North, a South, the organization that Team Phalanx belongs to is similar to the Night's Watch; etc. (Even 'Phalanx' refers to a military formation; which is interesting and I wonder where you'll go with that).
Is there a trend with unpleasant/dubious characters being named Gaius? It's easy to see where the Gaius in this fic is coming from- Team Phalanx is basically destitute, and he feels that it falls on his shoulders to keep them afloat. And he's stressed; and desperate, and willing to be a grump if that's what pays the bills every week or so. He's even willing to ruin Flame's life so that it doesn't look like they failed the mission. To bad for them (And good for Flame?) their manager is a bit too astute for that...
I thought it was an interesting choice you made in not showing the conversation between Team Phalanx and Ariel, instead showing what Ariel's verdict was through dialogue over the course of the chapter. You're good at delivering exposition through worldbuilding, and it feels like every scene moves organically instead of being engineered specifically for the purpose of exposition (Which is how good exposition should be!). Aside from that, there isn't much else notable that happens in the second chapter. Gaius takes Flame down to sign up for the team, and then they head back up to his shelter to sleep.
A similar scene involving paperwork for teams also takes place in PMD: Silver Resistance, but you take it a step further than SR did in showing the fine print. It goes a long way in helping to portray their establishment as the indifferent mishmash of moving parts it is, and I feel that this is the most down-to-earth portrayal of a federation/guild-type establishment I've seen in PMD fanfiction ever.
Something about the scene where Flame eats the apple rings extra true to me, for some reason. IDK why.
The third chapter is the most interesting to me, however. You open on a dream in which you mention that bombs are falling. I'm interpreting this in two ways: either Flame was in the army when he was human, or the 'empire' that the story talks about is one of those post-post-apocalyptic things. or I could be wrong and it's something completely different, but those were the two places my mind went when I read that scene.
The other thing about chapter three that I wanted to talk about is the way you handle mystery dungeons. While other authors go to great lengths to make their mystery dungeons different from how they're portrayed in-game, you seem to go in the opposite direction. Your mystery dungeons are extremely similar to how they're portrayed in-game, and the danger seems to come less from the dungeon itself and more the things that live in it. Despite your dungeons being more mundane than other authors', there have already been more casualties in just one chapter then most writers ever write in their entire stories. It's very freaky to read about things like the carnivine that camp out on the floors of dungeons; waiting for their prey to walk into their trap; or the paras that I'm *assuming* killed that poor breloom… Either way, it's a very unique interpretation of mystery dungeons, and I'm looking forward to reading more about them.
One thing that I'm disappointed hasn't popped up or been mentioned yet is the 'Scum' mentioned in the first chapter. I assume that they're like wild/nomad pokemon who live in the mountains and attack civilization periodically? If that's the case, then I wonder if you'll try to draw parallels between them and the 'barbarians' that would attack the borders of the ancient Roman Empire; since you seem to be going for a more political landscape for your fic.
These first three chapters were very fun to read; and I feel that they strive for a tone that sets your story apart from nearly every other PMD story out there. The high word counts (9 - 10K) don't seem to make reading the chapters a slog at all; in fact, they were very well-paced and felt like they were just as long as they needed to be. This is a fic that I immediately feel compelled to read more of; as it sets up an expansive world that's rich with worldbuilding and things to explore. I'm hoping to come back and review more of this fic in the coming days, but I'm waaay tuckered out right now so I'm going to end this review here. I think I said all I'd wanted to anyway.
Very well-written! :)
Listening to: Starbuck Takes on All Eight - Bear McCreary
| rkscythw chapter 23 . 1/11/2020
tbh I think every character in this fic (bar maybe Sycorax) needs a hug for different reasons
| levelwhat chapter 23 . 12/29/2019
Happy (belated) holidays, man. The counter might say 23, but consider this a joint chapter 2223 review.
Congratulations on making me read the thirstiest narration outside an M-rated fic. I see you, Flame, ogling that poor Braixen's thighs and eyes and whatnot. Save yourself for Alice! Yvaine agrees with me, I think. In more seriousness Brynn does everything she can to sell her usefulness to Herr Flame, and demeanor makes me pity her in an odd way. Her position as Scum probably leaves her death-marked, so I can only hope she lives past being a window into her faction's perspective. The same goes for even Daedalus to an extent. PMD2 has trained me to be wary of Dusknoir, but his explanations sound too sincere to be a lie, or perhaps a hole-ridden part of a larger conspiracy from the Presence.
Also, some interesting perspectives from Gaius and Adrian, of all people. Both of them have dug themselves pretty deep holes, but the former's climbing out better than the latter even while missing a hand. Gaius has made a lost of mistakes, so hopefully he gets to live through 'til the end. Or maybe he'll go back to being a buttmuncher once Flame gets back. Adrian, on the other hand, is in too many people's pockets, I can't imagine him a good ending or staying on the throne for much longer.
I can't claim to be remotely good at syntax and spelling, but I couldn't catch any errors, so good job! Sometimes the narration feels long-winded on certain points, but I attribute that to Flame's usual introspective self. Actually, both chapters take time showing him fawning over mountains. I do hope he eventually retires to build a quaint cabin on one. Or maybe you're mentioning mountains so much 'cause he ends up BURIED under one.
...I don't know where I got this expectation of characters dying. Rebirth might be dark, but not many have died, huh? I'm not bringing this up as a negative btw, I guess I'm just expecting shit to hit the fan in the Tartarus Mountains. especially with that last chapter opener: "Priority supersedes all previous instructions." Like protecting Alice? Is she the one who's gonna DIE-
-Anyways, pretty good buildup. It feels like we're climbing into the juiciest bits of Rebirth, the type which you look forward to writing from the very start. I'm sorry if I can be a taciturn reader, but really, I can't wait to see it happen.
| TheG0AT chapter 23 . 12/2/2019
I’m genuinely curious what role Brynn will play in the story at large. Is it to grow close to Flame and give him a reason to consider staying? Is it to grow close and then be forced into war against him later due to their conflicting ideologies? I’m already pretty sure you’re not doing a legitimate love triangle, which leads me to wonder where this is going. You may have a promiscuous mind, Shadow, but I know better. All those suggestive descriptions and first impressions of her weren’t just for show. I’ll be watching her closely.
I’m enjoying the slow-and-steady worldbuilding you’re doing for the Teutonii camp. In all honesty, I’m beginning to like them more than the Empire. I mean, I’m sure there’s two very dirty sides to this coin, and I’m willing to bet that Flame ultimately won’t side unconditionally with either of them. Still, this place seems so much nicer than the Empire despite being less culturally developed (no tables, no... public lynchings, etc). Whether your writing had evolved to be less bleak or whether you’ve intentionally done this, I can’t be sure. But it’s helped paint a picture of the other side of this conflict.
Daedalus talks like his messages are auto-generated by an AI. It’s strangely endearing.
Something occurred to me while writing this review that hit me like a locomotive: How in the fffffuck does Flame know the Empire’s language, but not the Teutonii’s? He woke up understanding what Alice and Gaius were saying. There hadn’t even been a hint of a language barrier. Even when he muttered “Ascension” to himself upon first waking up, which was before he ever talked to anyone or heard anyone speak, it was in the Empire’s language. Now he’s returned to his original people, the Teutonii, and he doesn’t even slightly understand what they’re saying? This may just be an oversight on your part, but if not… that would make me immediately suspicious of all of this. If this subtle detail was intentional on your part, excellent job.
In these past couple chapters, I’ve been getting mixed signals from Flame, and it has become somewhat grating. You’ve gone especially deep in the narration in an effort to explore his thoughts, and while I think that’s to be expected given the lack of action, it’s only helped to further amplify this issue. It’s not even that he can’t make up his mind, it’s that he’s already made up his mind to escape the Teutonii in unconditional fashion... yet he continues to ponder and tease at how great it would be to live with them permanently. In a matter of a few paragraphs, he went from strangely disappointed at Daedalus saying he would be absent for a while and from not being able to see Brynn anymore, to being giddy and excited about his opportunity to escape. It reads as pretty confusing.
Anyway, I’m impressed with how well you’re handling this section of rising action. Keep going!
| ZiraDakota chapter 23 . 9/22/2019
The section of the chapter from Adrian's point of view was quite interesting. He's a tortured soul. Hated by his subjects, estranged from his daughter, no longer respected by his own son, and he has virtually no power to resolve any of the problems he faces with his empire and the portal storms. His life is spiraling out of control and he's basically just along for the ride.
I feel bad for both Adrian and Flame in this chapter. Flame faces a moral dilemma of his own with his plan to escape. He wants to reunite with Alice and Gaius, but in doing so, he'd be betraying the very people who rescued him from the Empire and treated him like royalty. That'd be an extremely uncomfortable position to be in.
Great chapter! As always, I look forward to what's next.
Apologies for the late review. I'd actually read this chapter a few days ago, but between being busy with work and research and being tired, I just hadn't gotten around to it.
| Story.Writer.2015 chapter 23 . 9/21/2019
Sorry for the late review but great chapter. I loved the emotion from the emperor, it’s interesting how he feels like a pawn when he should feel like a king. I do wonder a bit about his history with his daughter. I guess that will be revealed in time. Thanks for a great chapter. Good luck with school.
| cynsh chapter 19 . 9/20/2019
Wow. I was possibly going to wait until I'd fully caught up before reviewing again, but this chapter has given me a lot to talk about. But first, I'll move back a little.
I seem to always end up talking about Gaius in these reviews. Parts of chapters 15 and 16 were really good at making me feel sympathy for him. Firstly in what happened to his poor hand. Then the scene with the Zangoose abusing him was brilliantly done. Really cutting words.
But then straight afterwards, Gaius goes and says 'Keep telling yourself that, Alice'. To Alice, THE nicest person! What was the point of building up so much sympathy for Gaius if he goes and says something so scummy like that? And why does only Alice apologise afterwards, and not Gaius? It's just... when you have a scene that was nearly so good... yeah. Perhaps I'm being too harsh (as ever xd)
Chapter 17 was the first, I think, to talk about the Benefactors. On the face of it, I think this is one of the most interesting developments in the whole story - particularly in regards to what we learn in chapter 19. But, given how interesting the concept of these god-like group of legendaries are, I can't help wondering why it took this long to get them any sort of mention (unless I missed it?).
And now back to the present. Finally we got some info on Flame's past, and on so much more that hadn't been answered! I like the twist that the Scum - uh, the Teutonii - aren't the real enemy. Makes me think that whatever happens next in the story will be quite a shift from the two-way war that's been going on so far. I also liked Flame himself in this chapter. His immediate urgency to get answers from Daedalus seemed very appropriate.
But there are a couple of things I still don't understand. Firstly, why can Flame only speak and understand Empire-talk? And secondly, is it necessary that the Teutonii MUST fight the Empire, if they're not the true enemy? Are they even an enemy in anything more than being 'mons that occupy the same lands? Is there no possibility of both of them trying to work an alliance against whatever it is that they must fight - after all, Daedalus seems able to speak both languages. The way Daedalus justified their fighting was... unconvincing, for me. Feel free to convince me though.
Finally, I'll mention a couple small things. Your use of Latin in mantras and things is cool, but... I don't know what they're saying. It would be nice if it were explained sometimes. In chapter 17, Gaius says 'where would we even go from there' in successive paragraphs, which was... noticeable. There are occasional misspellings throughout, which is fine, but I find the nature of some them a bit odd. Like, two words together without a space in between is something I feel most word processors should be picking up? Oh, and I still feel the same about your amount of description and introspection at times. But I've covered that stuff enough.
Anyway, I will cease. See ya next time.
| The FieryCharmeleon chapter 23 . 9/18/2019
Hey, sorry I haven't written a review for this yet. I did see this chapter day 2 when it came out, but I never had the time to really write a review for this. And I still don't have too much time so I'll be brief with this review, just mentioning the things that happened in this chapter.
I absolutely loved Flame's perspective in this chapter. He wants to come to his friends, but at the same time, he is growing more and more attached to fake Leah and Daedalus. It was especially heart breaking to see him break into tears when Deadalus asked what was wrong.
The whole Deoxy plot sounds neat, and wondering where that could go as well, all be it, a bit unexpected.
The writing is just as wonderful as ever, taking every moment to describe the characters feelings of how feel, along with spme great dialogue too.
I just skimming through the chapter again, but found that there is no scene of Alice. Only just her father and Flame's perspective. I think would be for the best as her story wouldn't really be that interesting at this point and I personally feel that seeing more of her father was for the better.
Alright, that's it for now. Until next time!
| MadderJacker chapter 23 . 9/11/2019
I don’t like to be teased, Mr. Antioch. You ended the last chapter with the biggest god damn teaser, and you only capitalize on that setup at the very end of 23? Heck, man. You can’t just make a promise like that and leave me hanging! You can’t just get me all hot and bothered and walk away like this!
So when I last left off the team got separated, and the plot is finally underway. Things were getting revealed and there’s a fair bit more to theorize about now that we know more about where Flame’s and Alice’s past allegiances stood. It’s a very Revelations style setup. Except, you know, actually good so far.
I wish there was more plot for me to comment on in general, but for now things have been pretty slow. Both sides have been inching towards each other since their overseers are moving at a snail’s pace. All they can really do is talk/think about how they miss their old friends and how they want to go back to the good old days. Frankly a bit too much, if you ask me. Your writing has always been very introspective, with thought and emotion almost inseparable from the prose, and here where very little is happening as the plot crawls on, it can get kind of grating. I understand that they miss each other, but they aren’t missing each other in new and interesting ways. Chapter 20’s opening scene with Alice went on long enough that I didn’t think you could find anything else to say. Stasis was a very fitting title for it though.
But! But. A lot has fully come to light here from a fair amount of characters, and when Flame stopped thinking about Alice and Alice about Flame, it is by no means a slog. Sycorax’s ‘deal’ with Alice, most of Daedalus’s talks with Flame, the NotGermans as a whole and their viewing of Flame as some mighty hero…
Also Flame being the kaiser. Which is… I mean, WHY ISN’T ANYONE TALKING ABOUT THAT?! FUCKING WHAT?! I know people skip over the stuff that’s in other languages, but they’re short phrases! And does nobody know what a kaiser is?!
AND THEN THE WHOLE DEOXYS BIT, WHICH IS-
I need to calm down. But holy fuck that scene was great. It’s just… I always found Adrian fascinating as a character and wanted to see more of him, and hoo boy what a way to bring him back into the spotlight. Out of all the Pokemon, I had *not* been expecting that one to show up. The benefactors… Pokemon are underpowered in this universe, so things like the “steel ravens” can definitely oppress the masses, and can go toe-to-toe with some of the more powerful Pokemon out there, but a psychic superweapon like Deoxys? It has to be *made* loyal, right? Broken. So I wonder if Flame and Daedalus were originally like it and Sycorax.
But back to Adrian for a second. I want to say he replaces Gaius as my favorite character, but I get the feeling that I wouldn’t like him as much if he got more spotlight. I just… I can’t explain it. Even though I know so little about him, and he’s not exactly the nicest guy, I feel bad for him. For his whole plight. Poor guy. Maybe I just have a thing for asshole characters? And there’s still enough mystery around him without as much attention that I feel- no, I *know* I’m missing something, where as Gaius ended up being a lot simpler than I initially thought he would be.
As for my actual favorite? Mmmm… I don’t know. Maybe Daedalus? He has a lot of heart for a ghost, and he genuinely loves Flame. It’s… hard for me to pick a favorite. And I don’t exactly know why. The characters I’m most interested in are the bad guys that are shrouded in mystery, like Sycorax and Deoxys. The most memorable scene you’ve written from where I’m standing is the one where Sycorax tells Ariel off while steadily advancing towards her, step by step, as he speaks in that crackling, static-y voice. He has a very intimidating presence. Now that I think about it more, he’s probably my favorite.
I think that’s really telling about me. My favorite character used to be the asshole lancer in the main trio, and once I lost interest in him, I moved on to outright antagonists instead of our heroes.
And speaking of our heroes, I have a prediction to make. I don’t think they’re going to escape together out of these mountains. Their goal is to essentially leave the plot behind, so I feel like *something* is going to happen to keep them from running off. Maybe Alice and Gaius end up in Daedalus’s custody and Flame has to accept his role to keep them from hurting his friends, or the opposite happens and Flame ends up with good ol’ Sycorax. Or! Or both happen, and Alice and Gaius fall into enemy hands while Virgo and Yvanne rescue Icarus. That one would be pretty cool to see happen.
There’s so much importance surrounding these two factions from a narrative point of view, and this third one is just off to the side minding its own business as far as we know. The only significance we’re shown of it is a place to escape to, so it seems unlikely to me that the plot will actually go there. I think that’s why chapter 22 had me so excited. I’m rooting for our trio, but I’m eagerly dreading how things will go wrong.
So don’t keep me waiting for much longer.
| KeinNiemand chapter 17 . 9/11/2019
I really like this story so far, alough I hope the main plot starts to pick up soon (it's already starting to with all this information about the benifactors)
Also I think that "Our Benifactors" are actully humans. Also Sycorax mentioned somthing about not interfering in the Foundtion affairs and I think he might be refering to the ether foundation.
| Spaik-W chapter 23 . 9/8/2019
Thanks! As the only active pmd story other than guiding light that I'm reading, it is always great to see an upload.