|Reviews for Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rebirth|
| Ralmon chapter 21 . 6/25/2019
This kinda gets closer to closer to invoking Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy. It just becomes bleaker and bleaker to the point that everything feels hopeless. Like, it seems that there is no other ending possible but a downer ending. There is no chance for them to be happy.
I kinda don't like this kind of stories, sorry. There are others who kinda liked such gloom and doom so don't worry.
| The FieryCharmeleon chapter 21 . 6/24/2019
Alright, after doing school and my job, I finally get the time to read this.
Well, I better start at the very beginning of the chapter, as that feels like the most appropriate thing to do. I honestly thought that Flame was gonna be all sad and stressed out due to him being split up with his teammates at the beginning, but no. It instead, shows him smiling to all the other scums smiling, while they all drank their beers. Sure, he was like this at the end, with him being mixed on whether to escape or stay with the Scum, because they all seemed to care about him, just as much as Alice did to him. And I find this pretty good see, especially the scene where Daedalus full on hugged Flame, to which, Flame returns the hug as well.
And that moment where Daedalus hugged him. That hug alone really shows how much he missed Flame, which reminds me of the moment from the previous chapter where Alice hugs Gaius, thanking him for showing compassion to her at that last moment.
Alice's Pov was what I expected as well... Well, except for the part to where the Genesect says that there is a rescue trying to rescue Flame (well, they're either gonna hung him or actually rescue him like they promised to Alice).
Also, About the whole separation thing. I have no idea, whether Flame will try to convince Alice and Gaius that the Scum are good or that he abandons Daedalus, and just allows the Imperial save him (or something else).
The Imperial now seems to be the side villain now, as shown with the Scum behaving quite friendly towards Flame. And while the totally not humans are the main villains now, it still feels like the Scum are the villains for some reason. I don't know, maybe I was just getting used to calling them the villains lol.
I'm really hyped to see where this story could go next. Best wishes with the next chapter.
| Story.Writer.2015 chapter 21 . 6/23/2019
YEAH! AN UPDATE! Thanks for the update. Man, this is just crazy. We all want to know, who or what is Flame, and yet we aren't getting the answer. Only the presence will tell us. Maybe in 20 chapters. Thanks again. I think this chapter was great to read.
| ZiraDakota chapter 20 . 6/2/2019
It’s so good to see one of your chapters again, friend.
| UnholyPens chapter 20 . 6/1/2019
I was sitting here, wondering what I should do—write, or finally do some reading. Guess which one I chose?
That aside, I liked this chapter. While I stand by what I've told you before, I think that you've handled the situation well enough. Though, I can't help but feel that you could have handled the situation of Alice's lineage better than you did.
Anyway. This chapter's main purpose was to fill in what happened to the group after Flame was separated. You didn't answer all the questions you made me ask, but I feel that you've answered enough for now that it doesn't really matter much. That being said, the chapter served its purpose well. I'm just really looking forward to XXI, now.
| CuriousQuinlan chapter 17 . 5/29/2019
mass effect reference?
| MadderJacker chapter 19 . 5/29/2019
I don’t know how things got so dark so quickly, but after the gang left Aesernia it was just one punch to the gut after another. And I was into most of it. Maybe I’m just a masochist, but the past nine chapters have been… I can only call them relentless. I can count the breather scenes on one hand, and even those had death and pointlessness looming over Team Phalanx.
The Portus chapters revel in this hopeless feeling, with that dead Raichu sticking out to me as especially harrowing. And it doesn’t get much better. For like four chapters in a row things are just terrible for the trio, and even when they’re “saved,” things don’t get better. I don’t have too much to say about the events, but this is the part that made me beg you to stop. Although I have to admit, the scene where they had to cuddle for warmth was cute. Even if they were about to die. It was a much-needed break in the oppressive atmosphere.
And then you had to kick me in the teeth next chapter. Give them a break you monster.
When they woke up back in Aesernia though, things felt lighter. Hell, the first third or so of that chapter was cute again. And I really liked the developments with Gaius’s injuries. It makes me a bit bummed that he gets the least screentime of the main three, because I’d like to see more of how he’s dealing with all this. He’s obviously gone through some changes, given that he didn’t rat on Flame, but he and Flame are rarely even alone together to talk. I think the only scene they had together without Alice was… what, at the bar? Back in like chapter 4 or 5? And the scene in the fountain counts too, I guess. I feel like he’s not supposed to be my favorite character.
That brings me to another main point, actually. The world you’ve built doesn’t have that many actually likable characters in it. Flame and Alice are amongst the few. Gaius is an ass, but an ass that calls to me. I know I liked Virgo almost immediately, which is why I thought it strange when Flame started dreading Virgo. Like he knew Virgo didn’t belong in this setting. And I kinda liked the Emperor in that first and only scene he’s appeared in. But everyone else? They’re grim, they’re bitter, they’re scheming, they’re cynical, they’re elitists and classists in a way that makes it hard to attach.
And it’s not like that’s a death sentence or anything. It works. Even if it’s a bit much, it’s part of the atmosphere. It just means that the characters aren’t the selling point of this story. There aren’t many dramatic dynamics that make the dialogue fun. Flame’s dynamics with both Gaius and Virgo are probably what make me like the two so much. Everyone else though just… doesn’t have that.
No, the main selling point of your story is your plot and your lore. The little glimpses at the tricks up your sleeve are what drive me forward, and the reveals made in chapter 19 had me on the edge of my seat. Most of the characters are there to serve the plot and the lore, and they serve it well. I don’t have too much to say about the story other than it’s good, save for one thing
The totally not humans arrived only forty years ago yet managed to so massively change the culture and introduce a new language that quickly? It’s definitely possible. There have been massive cultural changes in the real world over the last hundred years. But we have people reflecting on that and how different things are today. And I don’t really remember any “back in my day” shpeels. I’m skeptical but curious to see how you’ll explain this part.
And… I think that’s all I have to say. I’ll pick it up again before too long, so keep up the good work. Glad that you’re updating again. You obviously put a lot of effort into this, so I’d hate for it to fade away.
| The FieryCharmeleon chapter 20 . 5/26/2019
Wow, this was quite the wait, but now it's time to read.
So, to start off, I see that you made the right decision by finally allowing us to see Alice and Gaius once again after a long while (well, two chapters, but it feels much longer lol) which is great, cus I've been wanting to see them and see what they've gotten themselves into.
So, it seems that Alice has only just found out that Flame genuinely cares about her and she has real friend, which is fine, but feels weird to not realise that sooner. Although, you di atleast mention the fact that she should've known that earlier rather than not addressing that, so probs on that.
Last of all, Gaius unfortunately, seems to be quite in the dumpster fire right now. And it's sad to see that it's possible for him to die, which despite all the stupid things he has done, its still sad and I hope he can escape from it.
Now, last to mention is that this chapter is surprisingly short. Like, it took me less than half and hour to read it while the previous chapters would take around an hour to read.
Overall, the chapter was fine. It's very interesting to see the perspective of the characters as they face their nightmares but at the same time, I couldn't help but fell abit bored. Maybe put more action or something lol. Cheers!
| UltraNova1225 chapter 20 . 5/26/2019
I wonder what going to happen now, I so excited great work
| Story.Writer.2015 chapter 20 . 5/26/2019
I'm so happy about this update! Thanks for writing it. So we finally found out Alice's dirty little secret. I wonder why he is needed. Great job by the way. To be honest though, if Flame and her get married maybe it could unite the two sides against the real villains.
| MadderJacker chapter 11 . 3/2/2019
I don’t say it much because it seems to be the general consensus of everyone in the server, but I really like your fic. Like a lot. I’ve tried thinking of things I don’t like, and this far, there’s only one thing I’m kinda iffy about. Despite the fact that I’m interested in a lot of the characters (Gaius was my favorite, easily), I’d say that only Flame and Alice are actually likable. They’re the only ones I can really get invested into at this point. Virgo and Yvonne are up there as well, but they’re not as central as the main trio.
I think it’s the atmosphere that I like the most. Everything is going to hell, and it feels like the empire could collapse from a stiff breeze at this point. The emperor has a thousand issues to deal with and can’t pick one to properly fix on, in the main city of Aesernia things are just terrible and somehow finding ways to get worse, portal storms and war are just ripping things to shreds… It seems like they’re destined to fall (not even being subtle about Rome parallels. You’ve brought ‘em front and center). Everything’s so bleak, and while I can see that being a big turn-off, I like it. It’s just these three Pokemon trying to survive as everything’s being dragged into the void. Though, as much as I enjoy it, I do need to take breaks from an atmosphere like that. There’s only so much I can take before I need a palate cleanser.
And while your world is probably your strongest selling point, I like your general writing style as well. You manage to put a fair bit of personality while maintaining the oppressive feel of the story. Seamlessly mixing in thoughts with descriptions and keeping to third person limited (mostly? I think?) makes this bleak world a little more personal.
I can’t really comment on the plot as of yet, because not much has happened. I have lore theories, and I have a feeling that Ariel is gonna be a part of a coup of some kind, but it’s mostly just been that atmosphere. The castle reveal was really cool, and Ariel was awfully rude when she raised the food prices, but I don’t feel like much has happened or changed aside from the fact that Ariel is gonna have to destroy the entire lower class.
I’m looking forward to reading more. I know I’m missing out on a lot here, and I know that humans probably have some unseen hand in things. I may be slow in getting to it, but gosh darn it you can count on me.
Tl;dr good story please update
| Tamerlein chapter 19 . 2/8/2019
This is a fascinating story. The writing quality is excellent.
I look forward to reading more.
| zion chapter 1 . 1/9/2019
shadow is lame
| Nothing is Beautiful and True1 chapter 1 . 1/9/2019
shadow of antiquated is a loser.
| UnholyPens chapter 19 . 11/11/2018
Ah, finally. No longer caught up in my own chapter, homework, or just sheer laziness, I finally got around to finishing this! I apologize in advance for this review being shorter than usual, but I've foregone my usual read-and-review style.
Regardless, I'd like to start off with my biggest issue that I'm ashamed I hadn't noticed earlier—the pacing. I agree with GOAT on that, it's... slow, to say the least. I found myself skipping most of some paragraphs, simply because they really didn't serve much of a purpose in me understanding the situation.
Not to say it's bad—certainly more interesting than what I've been able to churn out recently. It's just that there's really not much to work with here. I personally would have fixed the pacing, tried to make it shorter, and lengthen the chapter some more. It's difficult to write a chapter that exists solely within the same room the whole time, and I understand that you were concerned with getting this out on time, but... just keep that in mind for next time.
Aside from that, I enjoyed the world-building you've done here, if only indirectly. We get to learn a lot more here than we have in a while, and it's interesting to know more about the Presence. Admittedly, I gotta say I'm more interested in this Braixen—you've mentioned her the most aside from Daedalus and Flame, as if she's important. Just what are you planning...? A new ship perhaps?
Jests aside, I've... really got not much else to add, honestly. Not much can really be said other than that. There just... wasn't much in overall content diversity, really, though what content you gave us was quality. Just do try and fix the pacing for next time, alright?