|Reviews for Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rebirth|
| Miner7365 chapter 19 . 9/23/2018
Been meaning to get around to reviewing this for a while, so without any further interruption, let us begin.
So when I came into this chapter, I was in all honesty was expecting it to pick up right where it left off with Dusknoir grabbing Flame, and not right when he wakes up after getting captured. To be fair, this was more me taking a guess as to what was going to happen then anything, but expectation are expectations.
With that out of the way, let me dissect the chapter for what it is, a plot reveal. So, we finally figured out the identity of Flame, our protagonist: a Charmeleon that was fighting oppression from the empire with a Dusknoir at his side. You... really had me believing that he was human prior to this chapter, due to both the whole thing with the ship along with the whole thing with the 'gods.' (Sidenote: I... severally doubt that they are really gods. There is much more to this then you are letting on, and I'm almost positive of that. I have a few theories, but I won't let them out, since they involve some facts that... frankly, I doubt you would want others to hear.)
Other then that though, this is a bit of a slow chapter. All that happens within it is the discussion between Dusknoir and Flame involving their past, and then Flame breaking down near the end calling himself a idiot. Now, to be fair, not every chapter should or really even can be that fast paced, and to be honest, this one being a bit more slow isn't even a bad thing, if it weren't for the fact that the pacing just seems to... cut out, if that makes any sense. Like, you go from fiery action and bodies hitting the floor near the end of chapter 18, before abruptly transitioning to this village of Scum as the empire would put it. It just comes off as the slightest bit jarring, to be honest.
Now, other then that, the rest of the chapter is fine. You continue to be great at having the environment contribute to the story, with the whole dirt ridden mass continuing to play into the theme of mass poverty almost everywhere. Flames character throughout this chapter... kinda comes off as strange to me, as he doesn't really pick one side or another when it comes to how he feels about the validity of his 'past.' At first, he seemed near completely convinced almost immediately that the group that tried to kill him multiple times, (Side Note: If he's such an important figure... you'd think someone would recognize him throughout all of this, right? Unless... huh.)
You know what, I'll go into what I think is happening, since I've been meaning to say it for a while. While earlier I did say Flame was always a fire-type, I'm... actually doubting that now. See, I don't believe that the presence or the benefactors or however you want to call them are really gods. I think your going for something a bit more of a high concept here.
I think they're humans. Humans, from outer space, trying to assume control of the planet. And Flame is one of them, or used to be one, anyways.
Now, this is a bit of a out there claim, but... it just seems to fits. Both because of the love I know you have for Mass Effect, and just... the suspiciousness of the fact that no one has described what any of the benefactors look like yet. I think your trying to hide them being gods, something that would thematically fit within the context of the story, when in reality... your going for something much, much bigger. As for Flame, if he was a human before whenever he woke up, it would explain their confusion towards his form on chapter 1. Also, Dusknoir seems to be holding back information purposely, as no one in the camp or out of the field seems to recognize him and the fact that there is the whole implication of there being more then one Icarus, since they have a designated name for them.
Now, of course, the whole theory does have a few holes. One is the fact that it doesn't give a explanation as to why he woke up there of all places, and another is how he went missing in the first place. I have a few ideas as to how this happened, but they have no support in the plot as of now, so I'll hold back on saying them.
Either way though, if it turns out you are actually going for this... good job. I fully expect this little tangent to turn out to be completely wrong, and to come off as some crackpot theorist, but if I'm right... I can only say that is some clever plot line manipulation you have planned in the future.
In any case, bit of a weaker chapter in my opinion, but you have me thinking about where this is going to go in the future. I really think there is something more then "ye medieval story about ye medieval giant evil empire with ye evil gods on their side." and I'm curious to see what that turns out to be, if anything.
Anyways, I'll be back after chapter 20 gets released. Hopefully it isn't 3 or 5 months like the last 2 chapters were, but we'll see. See you then.
| Person55 chapter 19 . 9/22/2018
Well dang that’s a lot to take in
I like that we are finally getting some backstory on Flame now and it’s also great to start learning about the true nature of the Dusknoir and the scum
Also Flame has finally found someone who knows him! And there’s also that Braixen who seems to like him, Maybe now flame can feel some joy after all the suffering that he’s been put through
I’m not quite sure what Flame is going to do in the future but I’m looking forward to seeing the decisions he will make as well as whatever Alice and Gaius will be doing in the story
All in all it was a very entertaining chapter that’s finally giving some answers to the mysteries of the story and I’m really excited to see what happens next
| Namohysip chapter 19 . 9/21/2018
I saw it coming, but it was satisfying to see they payoff anyway - and in particular, one thing I didn't quite expect was that Dusknoir and co. are not necessarily against the Empire, but against an even greater, common enemy that they don't quite realize.
This chapter was definitely one of the quietest chapters we've had so far, even though there was a lot of stress going on for Flame in a more internal way this time. To be honest, I feel like this chapter hit an odd sour spot between "some relief" and "some anger" at what was going on. An uneasy sort of feeling. And while that was probably intended, I do wish Flame could've leaned one way or the other more explicitly; in particular, I was surprised that Flame didn't ask more directly about Virgo and the others, or even tried to put up a fight against Daedalus near the end. Everything felt... subdued. Muted. And a lot of the questions answered gave rise to followup questions that Flame never asked, so I hope we get more than, "You can't comprehend the rest of this," soon!
Seeing the Teutonii was the one thing in this chapter that I was basically able to predict front to back, though not necessarily because of foreshadowing, but because that was just my guess the second I learned that they were referred to as "Scum." I'm glad to finally get some answers-and I hope more come soon, considering where Flame is. And I'm definitely still curious about where Alice, Gaius, Virgo, and Yvaine are, though since you generally stick to Flame, I'm not exactly sure when that scene will come up, if at all, until or unless they reunite.
| The FieryCharmeleon chapter 19 . 9/21/2018
I feel sorry for Flame and his friends. They must be going through a lot :/. This was a nice understanding of the Scum. making them more or the good guys, rather than the bad. I'm really looking forward to witnessing the Presence and see the reunion with Flame and his friends once again.
| Ambyssin chapter 19 . 9/21/2018
I was expecting a cool down chapter. Though, if I'm honest, I was actually expecting you to focus on the rest of the cast collectively reacting to Flame getting taken... though I suppose that's what Double-X is for. Unless that quote at the beginning is all I'm getting, in which case I will be disappointed. But that's life.
Anyway, I know this is a grimdark fic, but it gets harder and harder to read about Flame when we're 19 chapters in and really *nothing* good has happened to the guy. Is it bad that it still feels like we're in the early acts and I'm going into reading new chapters thinking to myself, "I wonder what awful thing will happen this time?" I hope not, because that'll be my thought process going forward. :V
I mean, this is quiet chapter with a lot of introspective monologue on Flame's part. Given the revelations(?) happening here, I don't blame you for doing that. It does feel a bit... repetitive in places, though, and that bogged things down a bit for me. As an example (since I can't copy text here), when Flame goes outside the hut he's resting in, his heart "jolts" at the sight of the exiles and then, just a few sentences later, it "begins thumping in his chest" when they turn toward him. Jolting implies his heart's already racing, so the line was repetitive. And there were quite a number of these throughout the chapter, mostly when you were mixing body language with introspection. I'd be careful of that, going forward.
The revelations themselves were interesting for what they were. They scream "Hey this is pretty much Christianity and the Roman Empire," only there are multiple gods and they apparently have a physical presence in the world. Making our Dusknoir friend Daedalus really hammered that comparison in for me. I had a feeling that these exiles were going to be framed as not being in the wrong and that the this was going in a "the gods make all the problems" direction. If I had to criticize anything, it's that Flame's thoughts that Daedalus could be lying happened far too late into all of this to come off as believable. I know you were conveying a sense that Daedalus was projecting some sort of calming effect on Flame, but he was still pretty jump and I'd have expected him to immediately doubt the claims.
Other than that, nothing more to say. Let's see what happens next.
| Namohysip chapter 18 . 8/28/2018
And all... caught... up. Chapter 18!
The second half of this work (as of the posting of this review) has been an interesting ride. It feels like we're starting to get into truly meaningful action, particularly now that the war has begun and the Dusknoir made itself much more known (particularly near the end, that is) and it feels like we're finally going to get some questions answered. After nearly over 180k words in, I'm glad that we're finally going to get a few; I was starting to grow impatient!
One thing that I particularly enjoyed about this story is the dynamic between Alice and Flame, and to a lesser extent Gaius. As the main trio, that's to be expected, but I thought you depicted them particularly well, even if Gaius still has some issues on a personal level. The highlight is the interaction between Alice and Flame, obviously, and I hope to see more of that as Alice's own past starts to unravel. Considering the way this chapter ended, however, I'm a bit concerned I won't be able to see more of that development for a while, unless they happen to turn up wherever the Dusknoir takes Flame.
There is one thing that I've been concerned about since near the start of the work, however, and I feel that it's still true even now: I just... don't... CARE about anybody except for the characters I just listed above. Everyone, in terms of how they are as a person, SUCKS. I wouldn't want to hang out with any of them. Yvaine seems fine, but Virgo, whom I think you intended to be a funny perv, left a sour taste in my mouth ever since he acted so callous toward the survivors of that ruined town. Ariel, whom I had thought would get some redeeming qualities in some way for her leadership, has demonstrated nothing but selfishness ever since. All the nameless soldiers have little to no camaraderie, especially toward the new recruits despite the importance of working as a cohesive whole. I got more positive personality from a Metang that had barely a few paragraphs of screen time than all of the other one-shot soldiers combined.
But that's the style. I'm almost positive (except perhaps for Virgo) that you intended for all of these characters to be generally callous, cruel, or otherwise not pleasant to think about. And for that, you did well... but going on for all this time-roughly two novels' worth of content-and not caring about the people that surround Flame's immediate team? I don't know. I feel like I should be more invested. I understand agreeing with Flame about not wanting to fight in the war - THAT I understand, and that was a very good illustration of having the reader think the same thing as the main protagonist. But to ALSO not care about the town, the inhabitants, or everyone else, I feel, was less beneficial to the overall narrative.
I actually sorta care more about the Scum now. Like, as crazy as that is, they have demonstrated more coordination and teamwork than the army Flame was fighting with. They're depicted as disorganized, yet between that incident with the Gengar, and then the Dusknoir's general leadership, I just see more of a bond between the Scum than the protagonist's position!
...Which, again... I'm 90% sure was intentional. Because I think Flame is about to turn, or at the very least, things aren't going to be as simple as they seem. I saw that one coming the moment the word "Scum" was used to refer to the enemy.
That's what has me conflicted about this one gripe with the story, how unlikable most of the characters are. If that was all to set up the fact that the Scum aren't the enemy, or something else along those lines, you did a good job at it. Too good, in fact, for how much time was spent within that part of the world, generally just hating them and thinking, "Wow, the whole town fell to an earthquake. How awful. Can Flame move on from this miserable cesspool, now?" (Which, it seems, he will be.)
Now that all being said, I do have something that I need to also admire about the work, for very related reasons listed above. You do a really, really good job at depicting basic, primal struggles. The cold, the hunger, the fatigue that Flame, Gaius, and Alice experience is something that was written very well, and, while drawn out at times, was very immersive and engaging. Part of that is because of the bond that they have, sharing the burden, and the teamwork that can rise up because of it. This was exemplified most recently in the Dungeon of ice that they had escaped into, and Flame's resourcefulness to get them out alive-albeit not in one piece. I'm a little concerned that Flame isn't with Alice and Gaius, and there doesn't seem to be any indicator that he'll be meeting with them again any time soon unless some hand of fate reunites them, because that was the primary element that kept me reading. But not the only element. I still want my answers!
Related to that, I really like where the story is going as of the end of Gloria. I feel the pace picking up, and I can see the answers trickling in, and I've been waiting for a LONG time for it. While I wasn't invested in the supporting characters, I was very invested in getting answers. I hope there's a good payoff for that soon, and I eagerly await the next installments!
| Namohysip chapter 9 . 8/13/2018
While the story is still going well, I'm starting to get mixed feelings about what's actually going on around Flame. And I'm pretty sure that was your intention, too; good work if so.
A few chapters back, there was a change of pace when we got to see what things were like for the Emperor-basically, a political scene, something that I'm also familiar with when it comes to these world-building high-fantasy settings, and I definitely liked that addition. That Dungeon was a necessary crawl, and having that scene in the middle of it made for a very effective intermission so it didn't all blend together. There's a lot more that's going on behind the scenes than Flame would be aware of, but what I find the most interesting? I'm starting to think that maybe Flame isn't part of the good guys, and he, Alice, and perhaps Gaius all don't know it. They're just soldiers. This is just some crackpot theory-crafting going on, but between what happened here and in the prior chapter, something just doesn't feel right about referring to the enemy as the "Scum," and so on. Or at the very least, we have some gray-on-gray or gray-on-black morality for each side.
I'm also not sure what to feel about Ariel. Sometimes it feels like she actually cares about her town, and other times it seems like she doesn't care in the slightest. It might just be a possessive sort of pride, but I hope there's a bit more depth to her in the upcoming chapters. I'm sensing a lot of potential in who she is versus who she may be presenting herself as.
As of this writing, that's halfway caught up to what has been published. Now for the second half.
| Namohysip chapter 4 . 8/6/2018
Okay, I think I see where this chapter is going. And I'm drawing a lot of parallels so far to the way a classic RPG sort of story opens. We're a ways in, at this point, and we get a glimpse at what is hinted or implied to be a great antagonist-the eye in the storm, so to speak, and a mysterious tie that Flame has to it, and how it may tie into his memories. We learn about the mechanics of the world and a bit of world building, we get through our first Dungeon and have a little run-in with trouble... yeah. All classical stuff.
I love it! If it ain't broke, don't fix it, and I feel like whether you break away from the formula down the line or not, this fantasy scheme you have going on for these chapters so far is a very useful way of getting familiar with the setting. It's still a little sad on a personal level that the only nice people in the story are Alice and Flame. It makes it kinda hard for me to really care about the world and its troubles. But I at least am invested in the mystery that Flame has going for him right now. I'll keep my theories to myself, but I'll be honest on whether I was right or not, if anything gets revealed down the line.
Also, Flame is a perv, but we all saw this coming.
| Namohysip chapter 1 . 8/3/2018
This is a strong opening chapter.
It's incredibly long, so in that sense it's almost cheating that you can get so much done in the first chapter - personally, I'd've split it into two, but that's how the chapters go around these parts, so I can't complain. But I'll focus on the actual subject matter.
I think you did a good job at balancing the dark overtones with some optimistic undertones by Flame and Alice. I don't think I would have enjoyed this chapter even a quarter of the way if it wasn't for Alice in particular, if only because she seems to be the only Pokemon that's actually kindhearted, aside from Flame himself.
I'm a smidge nervous about word I've been hearing that this work is "grimdark," since that's not my cup of tea. But I'll gladly give it a chance, if only because the writing quality here is solid. I don't intend to review every chapter, but I'll drop one here and there.
I appreciate your ability to bring in a lot of mysteries near the beginning that feel like they are long-term questions, such as "ascension" and his fever-dream fantasies. And while I feel that the chapter opened a little slowly, it picked up at around the time Flame saw a fire. It felt too slow before that.
Minor nitpick at the end: "Gaius seemed to hesitate for a moment, glancing at Flame for a moment before speaking. 'Yes, just this one.'"
Perhaps cut that down to just, "Gaius hesitated, glancing at Flame. 'Yes, just this one.'" I only say this because I'm just as guilty with narrative filter phrases.
Last question: considering they intended to frame and arrest him, I find it suspect that they let him walk around freely like that. I wouldn't expect, the way they speak of them, for a Scum or any sort of criminal to be in relatively good shape to walk so willingly with the two rescue folks, particularly when in front of the Bisharp. It's a hazard to let a Charmeleon, in particular, to be in that state. Even if I know, just by narrative conventions of the first chapter, that Flame will be fine, it feels odd that they would be so careless about the act when they were supposed to make him out to be a criminal. Didn't click.
Overall, let me reiterate that this is a very solid piece. I hope the optimism keeps its presence even in the dark landscape, because I'm a sucker for that sort of thing. If it gets too dark, I'll stop only as a matter of taste, because the writing itself is something I have to praise.
| Ambyssin chapter 18 . 7/31/2018
Hoo doggy, so this has been quite the experience reading up until now. I apologize, but I'm rather scatterbrained when it comes to leaving comments and I don't do it on FFN often because it's kind of annoying. Also, you're probably a more sophisticated and experienced author, so I'm not sure anything I'll say is even worth your time, but here goes!
I confess, I'm not the biggest fan of grimdark stories. None of the content was an issue for me; I can stomach all of that. I just like to have *some* level of cheerfulness in the fics that I read. This is not that kind of fic, but I think that just speaks to your writing abilities that you can still get me engrossed in this story despite of it. This is a tumultuous world that you've weaved. Things start from a pretty low point and keep descending from there. Humor is limited to snark and crude comments, but I think if you tried anything else it would clash with the story's tone. There aren't really any hope spots in the story at this point, but I think you planned it that way. For what it's worth, when reading chapter 17 I was 100% confident the group's escape plan would never come to fruition, given the course of events in this story.
I got some pretty strong high fantasy vibes when you take the mystery dungeons out of the equation. The sprawling mountains, and imperial city with a senate and mentions of an amphitheater. On the whole, the routes and settlements of Aesernia brought the Elder Scrolls to mind – perhaps that was the point – while the glimpses at the capital, coupled with the gratuitous Latin(?) and vague government structure makes me think of the Roman Empire. It makes for an interesting mishmash that you've used as the foundations for crafting this world. It certainly helps you employ all five senses very often rather than just falling back on sight.
And that's not getting into the mystery dungeons themselves, of course. I see you went with a pretty literal interpretation of them, right down to naming out floors. I think it worked out fine; didn't make my willful suspension of disbelief snap. And the ones you've showed us have been very varied and thrown different obstacles at our heroes. For my money, I think the most recent was the most fun to read, because of how the cold put Alice and Gaius out of commission and in near-death situations. But I'm sure there are more of these to come, so I'm curious how you'll be topping that.
Now, for the characters. Again, to your credit, you've gotten me behind them even in spite of all the awful things happening to them. Flame is thrown into a pretty awful situation and you do show it getting to him, but provide believable enough trains of thought for me to see why he hasn't given up yet. I'm curious as to what his relation to the Scum is, especially with that wham line from Dusknoir at the end of this latest chapter. (Side note: maybe this was intentional, but for as dark as this story is, I cannot take the enemy army seriously when they're called "the Scum." You employ a lot of artsy, poetic names so the Scum stands out to me for the wrong reasons.) As soon as Sycorax started talking about an important mission for the Benefactors I *knew* it circled back to Flame.
In a similar vein, I was pretty confident by the second chapter that Alice had some relation to the senate/emperor. We haven't gotten a full reveal yet, so my tentative guess is that she's some sort of illegitimate offspring; like, the result of an affair or something. That said, she's probably my favorite of the three. First off because I'm biased and love my snek 'mons. I also just like her general characterization, with her fears and reservations about the world and the conflict happening around her. Despite that, though, she's trying her best and just wants to find some semblance of happiness, but fortune refuses to favor her. She needs hugs. Lots of hugs. And I can see her growing closer to Flame and I know 'romance' is one of the tags for this story. *cough*
Gaius is probably the one I'm most indifferent toward, mainly due to his disposition. Though that might be a plus if your intention was to make him unlikeable? I want to have sympathy for him given his life circumstances, but he doesn't really offer anything to get behind there. Or, at least, that was the case until his brush with death and his loss of appendages. In the parts that followed, I did start to feel a bit for the guy, but given the sudden swerve the story took I might need more time to see this new Gaius in action.
Outside of Virgo, Yvaine, and Sycorax, the rest of the supporting cast blends together for me. Their scenes are too infrequent and short for me to really have a solid opinion of them at this point. Virgo and Yvaine I like for their chemistry together and how they shake up Team Phalanx's dynamics. And Sycorax is emblematic of the role of the Benefactors in this story. I have the sneaking suspicion this group is far from benevolent... though that might be because I tend to view Genesect as one of those 'mons that's cast into more sinister roles in fics. Time will tell, I suppose.
I guess the last thing I'll comment on in the prose. For the most part, I think it flows very nicely. This last chapter especially stood out with how frenetic the pacing of the battle was, showcasing explosions and the fear and dread that progressively overtook Flame. In general, I'd say there's a lot of description but rarely do things feel overdescribed. I do think you overdue it in some places – "gooey panic" leaped off the screen for me as a particularly odd phrase – but I never found myself getting bogged down. If I had to fault anything with your narration, it's the many references to anatomical parts, specifically nerves. It clashes with the overall tone and setting of the fic, in my opinion. When it pops up, it makes the story sound... clinical. Y'know, like you're talking to a doctor or reading an academic paper instead of a work of fiction. It's something I've gotten feedback on before, since I work in a hospital, so I knew what I was looking for there.
And those are my thoughts. I hope they're okay. I fear I might've been too vague or rambly for anything here to be meaningful. Ah well. Nice work so far. Perhaps I'll be back in the future.
| ZiraDakota chapter 18 . 7/29/2018
Wow! That was an intense chapter. Excellent job on your description of the battlefield and the chaotic situation that Flame finds himself in. His reaction to the situation is exactly what I would expect of him, and honestly, it's how I would react too if I was thrown into that mess. That's something I've always liked about your story. Your characters are very believable.
As always, I can't wait to see what's next. :)
| Talgoran chapter 13 . 7/26/2018
Ch 13 thoughts:
- Our heroes' complacency was destroyed on three separate instances in the first couple minutes of reading.
- Have to say, some parts of the initial couple of battles struck me as very over the top. The language used is just too strong for a scuffle. It's life or death, but even so. Right off the bat Flame is knocked down, wind is knocked out of him, he's in a daze, that's all he can do. Then the next line, there's this huge flood of adrenaline and he shoots to his feet. A little later, he's praying to any and every god he can think of that rubble won't fall on him, killing him instantly. And so on. It makes the scene seem more silly, instead of the intense and dangerous vibe that is doubtless intended.
- Hm, I would think Flame wouldn't suffer as much from the windflow over his tail considering his next form is that of a Charizard. This was even mentioned a few lines earlier.
A little later, we find that Flame isn't as affected by the smoke as his companions, which makes perfect sense to me. But then I recall the pain and numbness in his tail when flying, and the burns he sustains in his mouth when breathing fire...his biology seems to be inconsistent.
- Hmmm...so can Dragonair fly, and Alice doesn't for some reason? Or is it really an urban legend? Interesting.
- Oh wow, pretty shocking when they discover the camp is under attack and 'mon are bathing in blood. It got real.
- Yes! Archangel was elevated to awesome status when he talked Gaius down and made them follow his plan. Then the flash move or whatever that was made him even more awesome. What a badass.
- I wonder if this Dusknoir's eye is the one we saw in the first portal storm.
- Briefly, wanted to comment on the military lingo. Gaius says 'Contact' in this chapter, which is a modern military term only as far as I'm aware. I don't know if the rest of the lingo like Expedite saw use in older times, but if so, the mixing might be an error?
- As I've mentioned I prefer a quicker pace at times. The snuggling scene, specifically the preparation, took a bit too long for me. Even before the hollow was mentioned, the next step in these situations in movies, books - everything - is to snuggle for body warmth. I don't think it needed quite as much description or time spent when the audience can picture it easily. It was a heart-warming and amusing moment though.
- Cool chapter. Lots of diversity in terms of what's going on, lots of new experiences. Keeping it fresh. More enjoyable to me than exploration or marching that seems to drag every time for me.
| Talgoran chapter 12 . 7/25/2018
- Hahaha, alright, you're definitely familiar with a certain FPS game's intro cinematic. Hahaha. Makes me more confident of some HL2 influence as well. Who knows.
- You know, this chapter could have been a ten minute segment from a war film. Replace the Pokemon with humans. Replace the badge with a radio (as is the inspiration I presume). Replace Gaius' leaf blades with a rifle to shoot out the hinges and locks.
With the last three or four chapters, this story seems to be straying away from PMD inspiration. I think this might sadden some of your audience. While it's certainly different than the typical PMD fan-fiction, an undoubtedly positive thing, the vibes of historical drama and war story are sort of making the story more...mundane? This story has never been about fantasy or adventure but it's still changing.
- I believe Gaius' pupils would contract to a slit, not dilate.
- The first half of this chapter heavily resembled parts of the fortress mystery dungeon crawl. Lots of walking, chatter, suspense. I believe it could be easily pared down to key events, were that to be found desirable.
- The logbook was cool to read. Love that the captain's a Feraligatr. I like Feraligatr.
- Glad to see the plot thickening a little, with Scum troops apparently warping in with the portal storm.
- Expedite has become my new favorite word in this story.
- I had something else important I wanted to say, but I forgot. Well, I liked the chapter, though I couldn't help but picture the characters as uniformed human infantry with guns. The Scum muttered in the more consonant-heavy German, while I imagined Team Phalanx as French or Italian. Haha.
| Talgoran chapter 11 . 7/25/2018
Ch 11 thoughts:
- Of all the information dropped in that political affairs scene, the unknown reason for the Scum to migrate out of the Wasteland was most intriguing. Gonna predict that Flame will have to confront that issue one day.
- The Diglett scale...the Danubius river...hehe.
- I think it may be discrediting to Gaius' and Alice's intelligences that they needed to ask why Flame had ran away from a Swampert that was screaming 'Thief!' They both already knew he'd stolen some cheese, eh?
- I really liked the phrasing of Flame having the map of the lands behind his eyelids.
- I enjoyed this chapter a fair bit. Some new situations, scenery, and characters.
- Kinda perplexed by the female Charmeleon having a bigger upper chest. It's not like Pokemon (other than Miltank), least of all reptilian ones, have functioning breasts. Hmmm. Maybe it was merely being implied that she wasn't scrawny with ribs showing? On the flip-side, describing the Charmeleon as being attractive in...inhuman ways might be uncomfortable to read. Though, it seems Flame finds Alice's serpentine body to be physically attractive.
- A humorous and universally relatable ending to their conversation, hehe.
| Talgoran chapter 10 . 7/25/2018
Ch 10 thoughts:
- Obfuscate and penumbra are two more words I see rather often.
- "wash him away in any real fight". Hehe, nice.
- Glad to see the higher-up political maneuverings are affecting Flame's life in another tangible way.
- Aww. That was probably the most emotional moment of the story thus far for me. Flame smiling even as the rain begins to patter against his back and tail. That was a great image.
- Man. How dismal. The team is now too poor to celebrate. The proles live in squalor. A decent meal is a thin slice of cheese between some bread slices. Everything sucks. I'm sure even the imperial army members have a pretty poor life other than some mess hall food. The description of the interior of the raided house was quite dampening on the spirits.
I suppose I can read and enjoy when grimdark manifests in this way. When all the characters and dialogue are infected too though, that is hard for me personally to enjoy reading. After all, heroism is characters being a force for good in negative circumstances right?
- Nice mini-cliffhanger at the ending.