|Reviews for Angel, Demon, Cousins?|
| Blackangle2011 chapter 17 . 3/31/2007
that was a great story
| blaire chapter 1 . 6/12/2004
It's a good start but you need a lot of work. The sentence structure needs improvement. Try using adjectives rather than just pointing out what the characters are doing. It adds emphasis.
Like this for example:
"When detention let out Travis went around to the parking lot gate to wait for someone to pick him up. That's when Melinda walked up to him. Melinda has Leo's blondish hair and his eyes. She has Piper's face and smile."
Instead of that, you could write this.
Once detention was over, Travis trudged towards the parking lot wearily, slightly irritated from having to endure a torturous hour of boredom. Melinda snuck behind him, startling him. She gave him her usual impish grin, suddenly looking a lot like her father.
This is not a flame. It's constructive criticism and you shouldn't be offended by what people tell you about your fic. That's why authors post fics. They want people to read their work and tell them honestly whether it's good or not.
You're bordeline bad and that's not necessarily a bad thing. You have room for improvement. I suggest you find a beta. Anyone who tell you that your work, this one particularly, is perfect is lying. There's always room for improvement. You don't get better if people don't point out your mistakes.
Keep it up.
| cloudofcalm chapter 1 . 6/18/2003
OOh, nice policy, L. 'I almost jumped out the window' is not what you tell reviewers. Not at all. See, people are diverse. we don't like it when you say, 'amazing story. Review, or I won't write', but we also don't like 'I'm so pitiful, review me'. Weird, huh? Maybe we review because we like the story.
That, and you've been asking me to on AOL for the past coupla times.
So, nehoo, fairly in character, not as bad as some of your others, but I suggest you drop using the present tense. It doesn't work with your writing style.
And I'm not gonna read the next few, cuz hon, this doesn't interest me, I'm not reviewing because I want to, I'm doing it because you bugged me, and I wouldn't have read this story in the first place. It's popular, you don't need my help, etc.
See, forcing Alice to review means bored Alice. Which means steadily harsher reviewing.
| ScissorsForHands chapter 17 . 3/23/2003
I love it!
| ScissorsForHands chapter 2 . 3/23/2003
| ScissorsForHands chapter 1 . 3/23/2003
Very good!I really like your story!
| Tzarista chapter 17 . 3/21/2003
that was a good story
| GodsChild586 chapter 1 . 1/7/2003
I didn't read your story, I just wanted to let you know that the name Malinda is the name on the show that they choose for the baby. It's not your name. The Wb came up with it in the future epiosode, when Phobe was burned.
| jamie chapter 7 . 12/26/2002
that kid needs a good spanking. good story
| Aura Angel chapter 17 . 12/25/2002
It's over? No! Quick write a sequel!
| A. Windsor chapter 17 . 12/24/2002
IS THAT THE END? AHHH That was so cute and good and yay!
| countertiger-x chapter 17 . 12/23/2002
hey! this was really really good! i liked the plot and you wrote it pretty darn good too...for the record...you should make a sequal you know...well you did a good job! -TigerX
| The Dark Insomniac chapter 17 . 12/23/2002
This was a pretty good story! Nice Job! :D
| Catz chapter 16 . 12/23/2002
I love it, Cole taking out a tickling punishment. I wish I got those.
| lk8cp8lk chapter 17 . 12/23/2002
I'm sad that this chapter was shorbut please make more chaptrs soon!