|Reviews for No Game For Old Men|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/1
Great story. I love the realism, the very normal Gregory and most of all I love Toyotama and Ichiya. Please update.
| Volantis chapter 1 . 4/10
Don't get hung up on the OC protagonist. This is one of the best Sekirei fanfics on this site.
| Volantis chapter 16 . 12/28/2016
Wonderful story. I especially like the realistic approach to world building and characterisations. I enjoy the fact that events do not completely revolve around the protagonists i.e. the antagonists/events progress off screen, which is realistic. The plot progression could perhaps be a bit quicker, but otherwise it's good.
| emaraldragon chapter 16 . 8/8/2016
I'd like to thank you for putting up your story "No Game for Old Men." I normally don't like SI/OC character fanfiction, but the summary sparked my interest quite a bit and after reading the posted chapters left me waiting for more. Thanks so much for all the effort you have put into it.
| Seto-fan1 chapter 16 . 8/3/2016
I enjoy your story. Keep up the good work. Love the more realistic and darker aspects of Sekirei. However I do wish you'd have portrayed Madoka and Yosuga as being a normal Sekirei in terms of physical capabilities. It would be a nice change to see a character have to deal with the potentially emasculating effects their loved one who could put even the greatest human athletes to shame. One could argue we got that in the manga/anime but I disagree as Musubi's strength was often used for comical effect rather than for drama. Still it's nice to see you aren't one of those "authors" who think it makes for a great story to make a human capable of physically keeping pace with or even dominating a Sekirei. I can't stand those who make their OCs godlike and shit.
Another thing though, early in the story, you showed the how Sekirei feel about their Ashikabi with Madoka's anger towards the wife and her treatment of Gregory. Have you thought about revisiting that in the sense that Gregory has to deal with the consequences of Madoka and Yosuga's protectiveness? I think it'd be nice to see a darker side to Madoka and Yosuga and see Gregory try to come to terms with it. So far most everything has been academic for him. It'd be nice to see him struggle with the darkness inside his Sekirei.
Thanks again and keep up the good work.
| Thug-4-Less chapter 16 . 7/22/2016
"You certainly will not be the be the first man to be undone by following the whims of his smaller head." Ain't that the frickin' truth. Lol.
Gregory gotten really good at breaking the tension with lame jokes, I must say. But, on a more serious note, I'm wondering if Gregory's increasing admiration of Yosuga's physical "traits" might have anything to do with the bond. With as powerful as Madoka's psychic abilities are, she might be influencing Greg's preferences a bit when it comes to his emotions. Which would be why it's so easy for him to trust Yosuga and not even bat an eyelash at him being in her home. Plus, the fact that Madoka seems totally smitten with her friend and, even if you haven't explicitly said it, kind of likes the tall, dark, and "resting bitch face" woman archtype in a more "physical" sense. Also... now Yosuga's walking around without a bra? I'm starting to think Madoka can totally influence Sekirei she's particularly close to. Hmmmm, maybe you should start calling me Alice, cause I'm all the way in that hole now, brah.
Hahahah. I think 90% of humanity has agreed to something post-coitus and then snapped to full awareness upon realizing what they'd just done. Totally killer lemon!
One of the most amusing things in the story, to me, is how far Madoka has come that another Sekirei is turning to her about how to get her Ashikabi to get physical.
Again, you've schooled me to the game of world-building. Your in-depth analysis of how a Reaction occurs really blows the mind.
I can't wait to see where you take this story!
Thanks again for sharing your vision!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 15 . 7/22/2016
Three paragraphs down from the first section, the word "all" appears at least once a paragraph. Sometimes, in multiple uses. One or two "it was all", "they were all", I don't mind but it kind of catches the eye when it's in every chapter. That's probably just me being super picky though.
A famous ship captain named Kirk, huh? Lol.
The scene with Madoka and the kid was pretty rough. When Gregory nearly died after that aria chant, I was a little worried what that could mean for the future. Does it have something to do with his mediocre abilities as an Ashikabi or was it just how far gone that kid was? Very troubling, indeed.
I don't know how to feel about Yosuga's musings on her place in the world. On the one hand, I'm all smiles about how close a connection she feels with Madoka. Even if it comes across as a little incestuous but, then again, "Russian Women Prison Via Sekirei Plan" would make that almost inevitiable. On the other hand, Yosuga sounds like she has a straight-up co-dependent relationship with Madoka. One that was only ever really threatened by the, in Yosuga's own words, mercenary bond with Toyotama. I get the feeling that some of that might have been jealousy, which might be a secondary reason she tried to experiment with Madoka in the first place. The rabbit hole is deep with this one. No pun intended.
The sections with Madoka and Yosuga are always heart-warming and, to my great shame, make my lust for yuri action rise like a rushing tide. I have a true sickness but I'm getting off topic. I think you're really making their relationship something special. Just like with relationship IRL, it's a complicated quagmire of motivations and emotions that the people involved can barely quantify themselves. I'm kind of loving it.
Excellent chapter, I'm on to the next!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 14 . 7/22/2016
I know you feel like these later chapters aren't as strong as the previous ones but I find that I like Yosuga's introduction to Gregory and Madoka's relationship. It's hilarious how she starts to blow apart Madoka's air of mystery on one hand but also starts to unveil just how gifted, if unambitious, Madoka is when it comes to intellectual pursuits.
The way Greg and Yosuga size each other up is interesting. I like his musing about how a stranger would probably assume personality traits based off of their looks and be completely off. That sounds like something the three of them could play off to the amusement of all.
Not much to add on this chapter since it was mostly the beginning of the Yosuga's characterization and further world-building.
Thanks for writing!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 13 . 7/19/2016
Ah. The introduction of No. 44. It was long time coming and what an entrance she made.
I don't know why Greg still, despite all the creepy and unbelievable feats Madoka is capable of, doubts it when Madoka warns him not to slow down because Yosuga is "fast". Maybe seeing really is believing? I don't know but I would think he'd be a little less skeptical after all this time.
Greg's reaction to running down 31 Sai was appropriate, I think. He finally saw the superhuman feats the more physically inclined Sekirei are capable of and it seemed to freak him out a bit. Then being forced to run down a teenage girl all cold-blooded? That'll mess with you. But then he seems to shake it off after only a couple hours with a little positive affirmation from Madoka which leads me to believe that Greg is being slowly changed by Madoka's attitudes towards Sekirei.
I lol'd during the morning scene where Madoka is busting Yosuga's balls about her choice of outfit!
It was an excellent chapter! Thanks for writing!
On to the next!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 12 . 7/18/2016
I have noticed something about myself; as I age, I don't mind "slice of life" episodes of manga/anime/novels/etc. and actually look forward to them. A sign of maturity? Probably not but there's always hope.
The karaoke club section was like a master-class in world-building. You've improved noticeably in painting a panorama of Shin Tokyo in all its glory without making bogging the story down with massive inorganic infodumps. You presented the information in this chapter interwoven with the narrative so that it truly is like watching a movie come to life.
I must say that the club scenes were equal parts cute, sad, romantic, and sexy. The description of Madoka's outfit... pure deliciousness. Gregory... who cares. Lol. When she picked that first country song, Greg's imagined facial expression almost caused ME to spit-take.
Midorino and Kohaku were adorable. Kohaku being wary but initially won over with Greg taking photos of his Sekirei always make me laugh. Greg plays the older brother/mentor role quite well. You've also done a great job of making Greg vulnerable to logical fallacies. The deeper the story goes, the more tempting it is to Mary Sue or Gary Stu them. Having Greg meet people that are highly competent in an area that he is not, as well as admitting such, is definitely a stroke of genius.
The Notes in this section were informative and intriguing but the formatting made it hard to read. I'd suggest a few more line breaks in the block to help lessen the eyestrain. Eh. I might just be getting old.
Thanks for sharing!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 11 . 7/17/2016
Another excellent chapter!
Madoka's thoughts about what it took to smooth out Greg's obsession with her highlights just how strong she is mentally. You go into some detail, every now and again, about how Madoka's is a really gifted young woman without bashing the reader over the head. That's a very good thing.
Madoka's musings on her own blossoming sexuality are illuminating and kind of hilarious. Especially the moment where she sprinted towards the shower. That bit of mental imagery made me cackle way too hard to be appropriate.
All in all, this chapter was like a bit of sunshine emerging after a thunderstorm. It was necessary and timely.
There was one sentence that threw me off entirely. It was during the section where they were at the Mandarin hotel and Greg was internally thanking MBI for the unlimited card.
'Really, it was to laugh.'
I have no idea what that signifies. Maybe it just went over my head?
Anyway, great chapter, and I'm off to the next.
Thanks for writing!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 10 . 7/16/2016
This chapter illustrates a subject that I also applaud you for tackling. That Greg, who seems to be a reasonably well-adjusted and responsible adult in his 40's, can get so obsessed as to be rendered useless is a big red flag. It's hard to imagine that not ONE of the young men and women in their late teens and early twenties wouldn't fall into the same sort of obsessive-compulsive behavior that access to an unbelievably attractive mate that would happily screw their brains out all day every day. I know when I was in my 20's and had an unlimited credit card and a smoking hot lady-friend... I would not emerge from my home except to occasional get things I can't have delivered.
Greg's only salvation was the fact that Madoka could go in and try to unscramble his brainpan. Another Ashikabi might devolve to the point of being a shut-in and turning his/her Sekirei into a crazy, lust-filled psychopath. That journey of someone descending into that kind of Hell/Heaven would definitely be interesting.
The lemon scenes were well done. Not overly graphic but just enough to give a clear mental picture of the action. Madoka is something else and it's no wonder Greg couldn't think straight after a week of that kind of action.
The Notebook Entry about MBI and its various divisions brings up a number of good points, as most of the Entries do. They really help bring the world to life in a way few fics manage.
Thanks for writing!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 9 . 7/15/2016
There's no need to apologize for the lack of lemon. Sometimes, when such a powerful chapter is written, having a detailed lemon scene detracts from the raw emotions present. And that's what this chapter really does. It just drags those raw emotions out of the characters.
This will be a short review because I can't heap too much praise on you, it's embarrassing. But, even though this is one of the shorter chapters, it was one of the most poignant as well as alarming. Poignant in how truly desperate and despondent Madoka had become without Greg truly knowing. The reader had glimpses of it when reading from Madoka's viewpoint about the lack of physical intimacy on Greg's part. But when she just flat out sullenly asked him why they couldn't have sex? I could practically hear her asking it in this hurt, little voice. Powerful stuff.
The bit where Gregory was putting himself down struck a real chord. I'm sure every person that's ever attempted to woo someone has been in Greg's shoes. That feeling of unworthiness, uselessness, being lesser than, it's just a horrible situation.
To be honest, there were times where I internally shook my head and was like, "Just give it to her, brah, 'cause she asked... sweet-like."
Yeah, I've watched Riddick one too many times. Sue me. :p
Thanks for writing!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 8 . 7/15/2016
First off, the second section of the chapter's mental imagery was... well sculpted. Yeah, let's leave it at that. I found it very refreshing that, for once in a fanfic, a Sekirei is actually being lustful without it being extremely dysfunctional. I don't know if even one Sekirei displays healthy sexual function in either the anime or the manga. They either pretend sex doesn't exist, are super deviant, or prudes. Some might say that Madoka is being perverse or deviant by piggybacking off of Greg but at least she is thinking rationally about it is refreshing in and of itself.
I had forgotten about the scene where Greg goes all Yakuza-lite with that apartment manager. It always cracks me up to think of mild-mannered Greg being all cool and just pulling out that much straight cash out of his bag. Pure gangsta.
The chase at the end with Toyotama evoked feelings of a Terminator movie once again. And the speed Madoka was getting up to on that bike, whew. Frenetic pacing, ripe with tension, right until the end of the chase. The only part that got a little bogged down was where she vaulted over the embankment. It gets a little cluttered and confusing in that section just what exactly she did. Only slightly, the consequences are plain to see.
The conversation with Toyotama and the subsequent mental Redaction was chilling. Even more so than Madoka unexpectedly learning what else her powers could do to a body. The manner in which Higa pervaded every thought, feeling, and memory, makes me shudder. That, combined with Greg's thoughts on Sekirei Plasticity, really put this fic on some next level s-t.
Excellent work and thanks for sharing!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 7 . 7/14/2016
I have to say that you've managed to open this chapter on the same heart-rending note that you ended the previous one with. I salute you!
One thing that stood out about the opening, besides the Crest Rejection weirdness, was that Gregory never stopped to consider that his quick turnaround might have something to do with the Bond as well. I've known men who had their wives leave them, out of the blue to them, and they walked around like zombies for months before gradually finding a new normal. Gregory snaps back to some semblance of functionality fairly quickly and I get that him having to focus on the Sekirei Plan and Madoka gives him purpose but he's either incredibly resilient or the Bond is giving him some emotional support.
Madoka's plight nearly made me tear up. The saddest part is that I've seen this behavior in relatively normal human females and I can only imagine the horror Madoka must have felt after being raised the way she was.
The scene where they kissed to reinforce that bond was so sweet it almost made me sick. Especially the way they both lost control of themselves for a bit. Though, I will say that Madoka thinking that she wanted to experience psychic piggybacking as motivation was pretty dang funny.
When Madoka and Greg are speaking about why Madoka was sullen and resentful when she paid for things, it got me to thiking that maybe that's why Tsukuimi is such a mess in canon. I also am sure that she's not the only one that has a tough time dealing with the idea of submission to a "weak monkey". If they're raised in a predominantly Japanese culture and indoctrinated into a pretty rigid system of rules determining what it means to be an Ashikabi and a Sekirei, it must drive them batty thinking about submitting to a male they could squash like a bug. Then, when they do bond to their Ashikabi, does the bond fill them with the desire to submit in order to not be rejected about go through Crest Rejection Shock. Man, no wonder Tsukuimi is such a raging tsundere.
Finally, the section where Greg is talking to Madoka about killing someone is downright terrifying. Not because of how weak or strong Madoka is as a Sekirei but just the face that it takes her so long to form an answer. I wonder why Greg doesn't seem to ask himself if all the Sekirei have disassociative tendencies or if it's just Madoka.
I know would sleep with one eye open after hearing that!
Thanks for writing!