|Reviews for Web of Lies|
| SakuraKoi chapter 2 . 2/8/2014
| SakuraKoi chapter 1 . 2/8/2014
Oh no Harry
| BeLlIxiEs chapter 41 . 1/23/2014
i had an amazing time readin this one.
off to read the next one
| jadedquartz chapter 41 . 12/31/2013
This is good.
| Guest chapter 3 . 12/31/2013
I am enjoying this story, it is very entertaining. Thank you!
BTW, if you will forgive an on the fly Brit pick; in this chapter Dumbledore uses the word 'anyways', however no British person ever adds an 's' to the word 'anyway', anyone saying 'anyways'
| Guest chapter 3 . 12/31/2013
I am enjoying this story, it is very entertaining. Thank you! It is nice too, to read a fanfic with a good Dumbledore for a change.
BTW, if you will forgive an on the fly Brit pick; in this chapter Dumbledore uses the word 'anyways', however no British person ever adds an 's' to the word 'anyway', it sounds very odd to British ears. Anyone saying 'anyways' would immediately identify himself as a foreigner, probably an American.
| Priya Ashok chapter 41 . 12/18/2013
Good story. Thank you.
| Anne Camp aka Obi-quiet chapter 1 . 11/23/2013
I have to say , I read the whole thing, and I had a few issues. First of all, under fed or not, Harry is 15. They said he's short in the book, but even if his growth hormones had been suppressed somehow, I can't see him looking 11 without some help...a de-aging potion maybe? They could pass him off as a very TALL 11 year old, but a normal 11 year old...yeah, not seeing it when he fit in with the 15-year-olds just fine in his 5th year. I do like what you've done to Snape for the most part (although I think it was a bit fast) but I would have liked to see some more inner conflict from Dumbledore at the beginning. He seemed to accept such things easily when he was so adamant in the books and he knew at least SOME of what was going on. I can see him not realizing to what extent and all, but again, I think we need to see more inner conflict.
Also, I know that when someone has traumatic experiences that their emotional age is frozen until they can deal with whatever trauma happened, but I'd like to see a bit more of that explained here. Harry is 15 and being carried around like a 5-year-old. I can see it if you point out that Harry needs to learn what it's like to be a child before he can grow into a healthy adult because otherwise...it's just really hard to swallow, you know?
I will still read the second story, and I think it's an interesting (and unique) premise, so please don't think I hated it, but I just had a hard time with some of the more important details.
| Theblackbook chapter 14 . 7/21/2013
haha, awsome. Though you have a tendency to "over-write" certain parts and explanations.
| delete-account-please 4171342 chapter 41 . 7/19/2013
this was a great story really liked it now off too read your squeal.
| MightyMouseQueen chapter 1 . 7/14/2013
One of the best storys on fanfiction!
| SilveSun chapter 41 . 7/4/2013
| SilveSun chapter 13 . 6/5/2013
Wow... It is really a fascinating much deferent from what i read before. I can't wait to read the sequel
| Guest chapter 41 . 5/19/2013
| Midoriryu chapter 3 . 5/18/2013
I have several grammatical comments to make, but before that I'll talk about the content of the chapter itself. Keep in mind that I realize that this chapter is a fair ways back in your writing career, and my corrections may be out of date as it were. However that being said I have no way of knowing for certain. :) Take it as you will.
You've got a good grasp of getting the idea of why your characters are acting the way they are, even if it's a bit... rushed. Overall a good chapter.
First comment is the fact that your first few paragraphs are extremely long. They should be broken up a bit if you can find a way to do it properly.
Second is the following paragraph:
It was a few hours later when Harry woke up. He was feeling slightly better; at least he didn't have the urge to throw up anymore. When he sat up, the boy got slightly dizzy, but it passed after sitting still for a few moments. Opening his eyes, he realized that the images that had haunted his dreams had not been induced by the fever, but rather, were real: he was no longer at the Dursleys'. Even if the room was dark, he could tell by the slight light that came in from a door in front of him. So, if he wasn't there, then where was he? He had dreamed he was with Dumbledore, but had it been a dream? Harry stood up on shaking legs and shivered; it was either cold in the room, or maybe it was just him? He had, after all, been feeling strange lately. Shrugging, he slowly made his way towards the light and silently pushed the door open further. The sight that greeted him made him gasp. He was indeed with Dumbledore, but why?
You have used the word slight or some variation thereof thrice. I would suggest if you end up coming back and editing it at some point changing the second to somewhat, and the third to minimal or some such.