|Reviews for Web of Lies|
| Guest chapter 41 . 5/19/2013
| Midoriryu chapter 3 . 5/18/2013
I have several grammatical comments to make, but before that I'll talk about the content of the chapter itself. Keep in mind that I realize that this chapter is a fair ways back in your writing career, and my corrections may be out of date as it were. However that being said I have no way of knowing for certain. :) Take it as you will.
You've got a good grasp of getting the idea of why your characters are acting the way they are, even if it's a bit... rushed. Overall a good chapter.
First comment is the fact that your first few paragraphs are extremely long. They should be broken up a bit if you can find a way to do it properly.
Second is the following paragraph:
It was a few hours later when Harry woke up. He was feeling slightly better; at least he didn't have the urge to throw up anymore. When he sat up, the boy got slightly dizzy, but it passed after sitting still for a few moments. Opening his eyes, he realized that the images that had haunted his dreams had not been induced by the fever, but rather, were real: he was no longer at the Dursleys'. Even if the room was dark, he could tell by the slight light that came in from a door in front of him. So, if he wasn't there, then where was he? He had dreamed he was with Dumbledore, but had it been a dream? Harry stood up on shaking legs and shivered; it was either cold in the room, or maybe it was just him? He had, after all, been feeling strange lately. Shrugging, he slowly made his way towards the light and silently pushed the door open further. The sight that greeted him made him gasp. He was indeed with Dumbledore, but why?
You have used the word slight or some variation thereof thrice. I would suggest if you end up coming back and editing it at some point changing the second to somewhat, and the third to minimal or some such.
| Midoriryu chapter 2 . 5/18/2013
I like how you've written Dumbledore. His heart in the right place, but out of his depth none the less. Makes him more believable.
| Midoriryu chapter 1 . 5/18/2013
Well, I just came across this story, and your first chapter is certainly better than most I've run across. I'll keep reading for now at any rate. :)
| delete-account-please 742011 chapter 41 . 3/12/2013
this was a great story.
| KaiLand66 chapter 41 . 2/28/2013
I love this story. Now on to reading the sequel!
| andrestingleff chapter 41 . 2/12/2013
a good story, you are a good author, i know the story is a bit old, but hehe just found it a few days ago, cant wait to start reading revelation. hugs from a little reading dane :D
| Guest chapter 41 . 1/21/2013
Eep. The idea of Snape calmly carrying around a fifteen year old... How does that work?!
| Maria chapter 6 . 1/6/2013
Omg! That was genius! Making Harry's disguise by the muggle way. It's absolutely brilliant!
| Maria chapter 2 . 1/2/2013
I'm rly enjoying this. I rly like ur version of this.
| Maria chapter 1 . 1/2/2013
I think this story is off to a great start!
| just-jess-joe chapter 15 . 12/25/2012
O.k I know this is ten years late, but Your story says Harry, in snape's POV just sayin...
| Arishaa chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
Just wanted to let you know I love this story and it's sequal. I've read them fully four times but I keep coming back!
| Ithilwen Faelivrin chapter 41 . 12/1/2012
This story was absolutely brill! At times though, I could have preferred a bit more detail, but it was a great read all the same!
| Gracealma chapter 41 . 9/14/2012
Great story. Love the plot line. Nice character development. Like the idea that Harry is Alex and the Grandson of Albus and that he like Uncle Severus.