Reviews for Alduin's Jinchuriki Rewrite
Wolfone10 chapter 4 . 2/17/2017
I'd say keep mizuki DEAD would be a good start, I think that arc was just silly, and it shows that naruto is NOT to be messed with early, I mean HONESTLY how do other authors seem to think that naruto would be able to do ANY ninja training whatsoever if he was still dodging attacks all time, he'd never get ANYTHING else DONE! AND with mizuki dead from the get-go, there is no reason to have naruto be a COMPLETE imbecile, as his training wouldn't be goofed. I mean when he starts up the academy, the civilians would have to realize a few things: 1. Yes he's getting faster, stronger and becoming a warrior. 2. by that same token he would EVENTUALLY be USING the power sealed into him 3. HE CAN AND IS BEING TAUGHT to kill you if you attack him, no ifs, ands or buts. 4. It would now be LEGAL for him to kill you, 5. Picking on him is NOT the best decision in the world ANYMORE.
Wolfone10 chapter 3 . 2/17/2017
Wait a second, you killed mizuiki LAST chapter! Giant shuriken thrown back with magic and pinning the poor sob to a wall through the chest.
Wolfone10 chapter 2 . 2/17/2017
I've never had a problem with naruto STARTING out powerful, simply because in these stories unlike most games/books/anime naruto has to hit the street running, he's got little to NO time to train up these things and go on quests and crap because to be quite honest, he's got TOO MANY PEOPLE that already want him dead by the START of the story. and unlike MOST stories of other genres, these people don't have to FIND HIM, they know EXACTLY where he is, and CAN IN FACT get to him, so see? Him starting as powerful is a DEFENSE mechanism.
Soleneus chapter 3 . 12/28/2016
And again. You're making Naruto a bit of an asshole kind of unsympathetic and Alduin a bit too much of a cheerleader. The fact that Naruto that is angry Paarthurnax decided to not be a tyrant and instead become a kind of monk is telling.
Also, again with the repetition. I think you said something how it took three years for Naruto to learn the dragon language, the a paragraph later said it had taken four months. Figure out the tenses, it can only help.
Also, Alduin is immortal, training would theoretically never end and you never really stop learning anyway. You also haven't explained how Alduin would know Magika and human fighting styles, being a giant dragon and what not.
Soleneus chapter 2 . 12/28/2016
And another one. Alright, big boosts outta nowhere are bit cheap, staid and altogether kinda boring. Having someone train for a long time to gain powerful abilities is fine as long as you keep interesting, but in this case all we saw was someone saying there'd been a timeskip and then a powerup. And if you're going to have someone speaking another language, denote it somehow instead of simply writing out and translating it at the bottom of the page.
Also, drawbacks or weaknesses. If Naruto can do shouts one after another, it's just another spammable attack, and since Naruto is not actually a dragon or a dragonborn, there needs to be drawbacks for him using an entirely alien method of attack.
But again, it still has potential.
Soleneus chapter 1 . 12/28/2016
Alright, here's my review. it's not bad, but there are some issues, like the constant switching from past to present tense. Try to figure out which it is, it's super confusing. Also, you reiterate and repeat descriptions quite a few times, and it's overall redundant and kind of a waste of space. It's the Kojima problem.
And there was a lot that went unexplained, like why Alduin was sealed inside of Naruto instead of the Kyuubi, or why the call him 'Alduin' when the name isn't Japanese or how Alduin knows Japanese.
Also the whole 'getting beaten unconscious by a mob' thing. That's just kind of boring.
But, good news, it has potential. I just think you need to brush up on the lore and maybe write out a rough draft, get a solid idea of where you're going to take this and yeah, it'll be good.
Emperor-Aurora chapter 4 . 12/10/2016
Fuck off.
Emperor-Aurora chapter 3 . 12/10/2016
Yep, that facade bullshit did it in all the way for me. Go fuck yourself, also you're not tough because you like to seem to over the INTERNET.

A computer screen jackass.

In any case this is nothing more than Kishimoto loving garbage and you can kindly go fuck yourself.
Emperor-Aurora chapter 2 . 12/10/2016
This is seeming like the last one and too much of Kishimoto's bullshit. Also, WHY does he need to hide if he can kick their asses exactly? More Kishimoto bullshit there, also the friend crap as well as the goddamned ramen addiction?

Yeah I think I'm about done here. Fucking Kishimoto lovers.

One more though I'm more than sure it's more of the same garbage.
Emperor-Aurora chapter 1 . 12/10/2016
You get it from me if this is Kishimoto loving garbage.
Inv1ctus6243 chapter 4 . 12/10/2016
OK, but you had some continuity errors. In chapter one Naruto was 6 and had 3 years of training to do total (9 months of which was dovah history), but in chapter three Naruto is 9 and has 4 years of training to do total (9 months of which is again dovah history). In chapter two the Hokage asks what Naruto has been up to for 2 years, and is told that he is concentrating on training. In chapter three Naruto is hiding all his training efforts of the last 3 years, 3 years where he hasn't been hanging out at playgrounds or being seen in public by anyone. I get that you want to follow the plot as much as possible, but use excuses like: Naruto doesn't want to skip ahead to work on socializing, or have Iruka pull him aside after the first week to call attention to the fact that Naruto should be better than this, or something else. Just make sure the continuity of the reasons remains constant throughout the story.
Hikari Nova chapter 4 . 12/10/2016
please put something next tot eh chapter titles when you update them unless you update all 3 at the same time
denis.d2505 chapter 3 . 10/22/2015
Interesting story, Altho I truly do now know whats with all the harems in fanfiction...
On second thought there hasnt even been an OC introduced to be Narutos gf other than ocasional fem!kyuubi or the normal canon chars
Inv1ctus6243 chapter 3 . 10/21/2015
This is something of a flame, and I'm sorry about that. But, I have a hard time getting into stories where the main character gets some boost or awesome abilities but has to hide them. Usually under the auspuxes of waiting to show everyone their power when the time is "right". It just seems like an excuse to keep the continuity of the series running the same way. To always give a fall back point of canon. I'll follow this for now, but I'm leary. That said, I like the flow of your writing style.
Story Artist chapter 3 . 10/14/2015
Who is in the harem? I REALLY hope Fuu is in it.
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