|Reviews for Mass Intelligence: Close Call|
| H chapter 8 . 11/16
I find myself unable to keep reading this fanfic and my opinion on it is very distinctly split. On the one hand, it is quite well written, easily read and grammatically correct. The author knows the lore quite well and seems to thrive building a story within its context. Here comes the pain though. On the other hand, I strongly dislike the characters. Practically all of them. I also believe that the modifications to the Canon storyline are contrived and convoluted, and just plain stupid in certain cases, but that ties into the mental deficiencies of certain characters, mainly the OC and fem-Shep. Close has an AI in his head, an AI with centuries of life to ponder how to resolve the reaper problem, and yet all it does is give moderately useful advice at best, which is apparently easily and happily ignored by the OC, and acts as his secretary. The OC has been manipulating the galactic scene for decades... and did not expect people to adapt to his presence or exploit his tech. He is trying to keep things on track, while changing them. You can't expect things to be the same if you change society on a galactic level! New tech, new gear, but the OC, filthy rich and uber-powerful as he is, still joins Shepard's crew on her ship, and he distinctly does not want to be subordinate to her, yet he still bends over backwards whenever she so much as looks at him. For some reason. Somehow. You have a personal version of Cerberus damn you! It makes no sense whatsoever! Why bother being mysterious if you're going to tell her everything anyway?! The OC is effectively a super soldier who can keep up with Shepard, has a spy network to rival the Shadow Broker's and a military strength comparable to Cerberus (at the very least), but he still gets into dick measuring contests with Shepard, who is acting like a mentally challenged 4yo - I do not care how shit your past is or how little you trust someone, you do not try to shoot an individual who is saving your ass from heavy artillery if you have any history in the military. I may not be a member of the military, navy or air force, but I sure as hell know that the cuntiness gets beaten out of you sooner rather than later and that the first thing they teach you about firearms is that you do not point a gun at anything you do not wish to destroy, much less pull the goddamn trigger. Shepard tried to murder the OC for helping her. That is not just fucked up, it's downright retarded, and sent any respect I had for the character out the window, as well as any chance of her being anything other than an antagonist in my eyes. If I had been in the OC's shoes then, considering the resources he has at his disposal, I would have either arranged an accident for her or just left and did my own thing, considering that she is not just a bitch, which while difficult to deal with can be worked around, but unpredictable, murderous and downright dangerous, both to the people around her, as well as the plans against the reapers. Also, I do not know how the alliance is run, but I genuinely have no idea how she made it out of boot camp, much less officer school, nevermind into the highest echelons of special forces. In the games there is an organisation known as CAT6 for people who have been discharged from the Alliance due to phisical or mental disabilities - phisical disabilities are easily solved with prosthetics, so that's fairly rare, which means that most of them are either PTSD sufferers or nutjobs. Based on her behaviour, Shepard should have joined them long ago. The OC's response is even more retarded - telling her everything is not just cringe-worthy to read, but just plain stupid. You are telling an enemy who tried to kill you without provocation everything about you and your organization. WHY?! It's like going to TIM and telling him everything, and then being surprised when he takes over your ops, steals your assets and has you strapped down for testing or arranges an appointment with a firing squad for you. The only reason to join Shepard as a crew member is if you do not have the resources to fight the reapers yourself, or if you specifically need to meet the people on that ship for some reason and can't do that elsewhere or at some other time, and that's if Shepard is mentally stable. Liara in ME2 and a chunk of ME3 stays off the Normandy for the simple reason that she has a network to run and more important things to do than run around with Shepard, and joins him once she is able to move everything onto the ship because she either loves him or is very close friends with him. Or her, I guess, what with having a femshep here. With Cerberus level resources, the oc can do so much more than run around and shoot things while being abused by a CO he hates to obey. Furthermore, the whole problem with the galaxy not preparing for the reapers is based on there not being irrefutable evidence of their existence. You just said he's sitting on a pile of knowledge that could mobilise the whole damn galaxy, yet he does nothing? He can tell the councillors to shut up, but he can't influence them to prepare? You implied that he either is the Shadow Broker or has replaced him, yet he can't persuade anyone to prepare for Thhe reapers? I love your writing style, but your plot and characters, at least in this Fic, are downright abysmal. I'm sorry, but I can't read this anymore. I'm also sorry if I came out as too harsh, but these problems with the Fic are just too glaring and I got very frustrated reading it all. I hope you take my observations under consideration and wish you the best of luck.
| KyonSmith13 chapter 12 . 9/19
This story has become unreadable. Is Close a SI or not? His motivation for being on the Normandy is supposedly access to Shepard's information, which he should already have if he played the games. It sounds like a flimsy excuse of a fanboy to interact with the protagonist.
Normally, this wouldn't be a problem except the Shepard in this story is unlikable as hell. Being skilled enough with biotics to outmatch someone with cutting edge technology, inexplicable cold reading abilities, and the ability to charm just about anyone... the Shepard here is a Mary Sue who seems to be pissed at the MC because he's someone she can't charm. Normally Renegade Shepards are bearable if only for how they handle situations. This one is just a bitch.
| Ikasuki chapter 5 . 6/12
She litterally try to shot him just because? why? I mean let's be honest the guy has the ressources the knowledge the infrastructure... he could litterally blow up the mini relay in the citadel adn he would be tranquill for most of ME1... then it's just a cop/detective chase to arrest Saren, a bit of dogfight with a big starship (given he had a litterakl decade and a DEUS EX MACHINA in the form of his IA to create a fleet of drones/ship to attack sovereign and years to prepare for the rest)... instead he just accompany shepard (who is basically useless and could be entirely replaced in this story) and let her try to kill him... and he just roll with it?
| ivanacco1 chapter 13 . 5/24
Im not a fan of close being outmatched by sheperd when he is basically superhuman and a cyborg, with an ai on board.
| WPUrchezem23 chapter 31 . 11/5/2019
hope you continue, will follow this story to see if you do. it's entertaining so far in the story.
| Sullenwhitedevil chapter 12 . 6/26/2019
I do agree in some ways on Shepard being a good tactical commander, however I would not say she is above and beyond close to such an extent, an example I said in a previous review is that the mission to get liara showed that Shepard's pride and arrogance I would go so far to call it shows that it can and will get in the way such as not bringing any ranged support to deal with that sniper when her team is practically medium to close range oriented, it's not like the game where you can only bring 2 squadmates, she could have at least fit even garrus into it, and on small scale things I can see Shepard having somewhat of an advantage but at the same time not to much in comparison to close, he showed he is capable of leading just like garrus is, but as the shadow broker files showed they are in the shadow of Shepard, not because she is so good but because of her being famous for a lot of things, and on the command thing honestly if your commander is proving to be incompetent or just being purely Petty and childish to the point it puts your squad in danger, they are not fit to lead. On a final note back to what I said earlier on small scale commanding Shepard has somewhat of an advantage but on a larger scale it feels like close has her beat big time, and if given a chance and some time I think much garrus they can be an equal to her if not surpass her as commanders
| Sullenwhitedevil chapter 9 . 6/25/2019
Glad to see Shepard is actually getting her head out of her butt and realizing that if everyone else is fine or on good terms with close then her being overly suspicious and just agressive with him was not needed, not to mention if he wanted to pull some he would have done something quite some time ago, and on a side note Shepard is kinda a horndog? She seemed in one thought in her head in the previous chapter kinda attracted if not subtle about being attracted to him, kaidan knows her well enough and maybe with him though I doubt with the wording in comparison to garrus and liara. Now for a nice bow on type for Shepard to apologise and then close as well, though I think in Shepard's case should be also to the squad for acting as a bad commander because of her pride such as the liara mission having no ranged support and potentially taking hits if not getting someone killed, and on a side note you said close was a lover? Who did he do it with?
| Sullenwhitedevil chapter 7 . 6/25/2019
Liked the chapter, however I'm surprised he is still attempting to try and be friendly towards Shepard considering for example as Shepard was talking to chalwas she was actually going to try and shoot him, sure he had a plan for that but what if the plan somehow failed and she actually managed to shoot him? That and the fact Shepards pride and authority seem more valuable to her than actual tactics again because as she hated to admit it close salvaged that mission with the snipers to get liara, honestly as a commander you would think that she would have tried to at least cover that weak point of the team a little, she needed at least someone for ranged support as in a sniper like garrua or close, yet at the same time as you said she is a major hypocrite when it comes to others authority or pride, not to mention she ignores the fact that yeah he is lying but maybe he is doing for just causes considering everyone else seems for the most part not against him, and what was that about to be a lover lol who did he do that with?
| Sullenwhitedevil chapter 6 . 6/24/2019
I generally like the idea story because you tend to add twists to ideas other fic writers have done with mass effect, I especially like how you basically showcase how much of a hypocrite Shepard is at least paragon Shepard, however I can see this coming to a head and truly trusting close because first impressions really stick, and for example you could later on make it so the crew eventually is split when close and Shep come into major conflict and then everyone is all picking sides, one thing I don't get is why didn't close for example have a stealth ship of his own built with for example having actual cloaking capabilities just in case things with Shep don't go to plan or for example goes completely against what happened in the game story wise just to spite close and close begins to realize Shep isn't the Shepard of the story and he is going to have to do it himself which potentially would mean killing Shep before she really screws things up and make sure it's enough so Cerberus can't bring her back, and on romances for close please don't tell me Shep is getting shipped with liara because it's either her or Tali and honestly most fics I have seen tend to have it so the OC or self insert get paired with a human mainly Ashley which in all honesty has gotten old or an oc asari instead of liara, Samara or even morinth for that matter which are all well done and badass characters that do have somewhat deep characters, many use the excuse of not hooking up with an asari because of the meld and reading your mind but for example if you earn liaras trust I doubt she is just going to blab to everyone about your secret especially if you don't want it to be known, so if you get a chance please pm of who the pairing is that way I know and don't get disappointed about it, I still intend on reading the story I'm not one of those people who drop a series because my ship didn't happen
| IanDalgleish1 chapter 31 . 5/21/2019
every time i scroll past this story the pairing keep changing i stg
| mckertis chapter 6 . 2/28/2019
Games ? What games ? So in your universe Bioware made the games that predicted the future ? They invented Turians, and then Turians just happened to exist ? You really suck at explaining what the fuck is going on.
| Nikkless chapter 1 . 1/3/2019
would have liked it better if the mc was from our universe
| healao123 chapter 31 . 12/6/2018
..will this countinue? i hope it does.
| IamKroGan1 chapter 4 . 11/5/2018
Your Shepard is an ass so far.
| D72 chapter 5 . 10/30/2018
The whole "My deep and complicated original character has a corporation behind him" is not a unique concept. Most SI's either have a company backing them up or a mysterious benefactor.
That being said, the mysterious benefactor trope gets SUPER annoying as the SI's tend to bemoan the fact that the "Random Omnipotent Bastard" has stolen their life to put them in extremely awesome video game land.
Those SAME moaning protagonists also do everything they can to keep the plot exactly as it was, as not to disturb "the butterflies" which is another term that deserves an airlock.
Rather than coming off as enigmatic, Close comes off as smug. That being said, Shep aiming a gun at his head and pulling the trigger should probably have him replacing her with the Cerberus clone from ME 2 who essentially had a calculator in place of a brain. He might need the symbol who is Shepard, but this Shepard is STARTING as a liability. And they haven't even hit choppy seas yet.
SO! I like the character, I like that he keeps the mask on, unlike everyone over at marvel, I like that he is proactive about getting things done, and actually seems to have a path set out.
Thank you for writing this.