Reviews for Raised by Sirius |
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![]() ![]() I Love It! Can't Wait for Next Chapter! |
![]() ![]() ![]() hi |
![]() ![]() ![]() Stay in trouble... Cute Sirius. Keep up the good work. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Why are these chapters so small? |
![]() ![]() Ok so if you already started school I understand why you are not updating but... If you do NOT start school yet you NEED to speed up the your work Not trying to be mean or anything I just saying |
![]() ![]() Love how you update so fast even if the chapters are short |
![]() ![]() Plz update soon fanfic is my life Love the story so far keep up the good work |
![]() ![]() Thought bill was the oldest |
![]() ![]() What is with all the signs and stuff ? Ya know the signs and stuff |
![]() ![]() Damn poor narcissa more please |
![]() ![]() Hi, I love the idea behind your story, it's interesting and you write the characters rather well.. I agree with some other comments though, about spacing and spelling.. Getting a Beta would be a great help.. I'm looking forward to reading more.. Well done.. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Your grammar is a lot better here! That's so great! I recommend, when you write Harry dialogue, that you read it out loud first - see if it sounds right. What he's actually meaning doesn't sound off, but when you try to make it sound like baby talk, it doesn't sound right at all. The last line is so sweet :) I think one of the best things about this fic is Harry, Petunia, and Vernon's characterization. I'd like to see more of the latter two. They could/should be an integral part of this story but it doesn't seem like they've shown up enough. Great job on this chapter. It's a good one :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() It's funny and really telling how Harry calls Sirius Batman. Harry's descriptions are very childlike and nice. Your characterization of a young Harry is /really/ good. Good job. One of the issues with this is Harry's speech - you said he was a toddler, and the toddlers I know have more refined speech. It's only common to insert a 'w' where an L would otherwise be for younger children in speech. But your descriptions are good, Harry's confusion is good...you still need to improve on your grammar dialogue (new paragraph every speaker!), but you are steadily improving. Great job! |
![]() ![]() It's an interesting story and a good idea, but a few things you might want to work on: - spelling and grammar - paragraph spacing - the overall pacing of the story. It's moving very quickly right now, which isn't a problem, but going at a slower pace often builds suspense and allows more room for description and plot details. Something that can really help new writers (and old ones!) improve the quality of their work is to have a beta, so I would look into that as well. Best of luck! :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() AWWWWW! God this is so cute! |