|Reviews for For Alice's Eyes|
| BrokenSouloftheDarkness chapter 16 . 6/1/2016
OH DEAR HHHHHHHH
| im-okay-mj chapter 16 . 5/31/2016
Loved the chapter! Don't hurt my babies O_O My sweet, precious, can do no evil babies.
| Melissa Fairy chapter 16 . 5/31/2016
Omg! That past POV! And they found Max!
| Sky65 chapter 14 . 4/23/2016
This story is beautifully written and very well done. I'm loving it. Thank you so much for writing, I wish you luck with future updates!
| Melissa Fairy chapter 15 . 4/20/2016
Awesome! I love the little moments between Alice and Jack!
| Jessica Martiez chapter 1 . 4/20/2016
yessss your back XD
| Mr. Skurleton chapter 14 . 4/16/2016
Warning, I'm canon blind so ignore anything that I say doesn't make sense if it in fact makes utter sense within the canon.
There appear to be some words missing from certain sections of dialogue, particularly with North's speech. I thought at first that this was on purpose, to give the illusion of an accent (having not seen the movie I'm working off an assumption here.) however, there is one missing in Jack's dialogue here "What, you not trust me with her now?" which made me question whether that was a slip and the rest was intentional or if it wasn't intentional in any capacity.
Is North asking Jack to deny his very nature? Is that a thing in the canon? Seems odd in a confused sort of way. Like yelling at someone to stop thinking like a human or demanding your cat cease doing kitty things.
Sneaky sneaky with that talk of Alice feeling tired and then going on to describe a hospital room or perhaps a mental ward. A bit on the nose if that's what it is, but hey, 14 chapters in it may be the perfect time to make certain things more clear and less vague. It just felt like it was meant to be more vague hence the suggestion.
"Wringing her fingers beneath her hoodie" Love that description, its nice and punchy while clearly showing what comes after it in the line... To the point where I question whether or not the bit explaining how un-reassured she is is even necessary.
I like Sandy, he seems like a fluffy mute bear casually floating around while everyone else hashes it out with each other. Not counting Alice there. It may be mentioned or addressed elsewhere in the previous chapters, but at first (given how many other beings of beloved myth have popped up or been mentioned) I questioned whether she was or will be at some point, an Alice in Wonderland reference. Jack comes off a little one noted, or two noted perhaps, in that he bounces between teenage grumbling and over exaggerated hand movements. That's not really a bad thing I suspect, his motions seem fine with only the dialogue sounding a touch teenage cliche, but as North mentioned that may just be who he is in which case it works to the story' advantage. Also a grain of salt to take with my above remarks, this is only one chapter so it makes sense that we wouldn't be seeing the range of his emotions in just this chapter.
"The air hummed in offense as the portal disturbed the air." I don't think there's need for that second air towards the end, an 'it' would likely suffice.
"Jack murmured close to her ear." Nice way to cement where the characters are in relation to one another in the scene.
"What if I thought "Take me to where Max is"" Nice way of sidestepping potential plot holes, and dodging a "Why didn't they ride the eagles" sort of mess later on. (Yes, I did just sneak a lotr reference into this and I have no regrets).
I like the premise of this later scene where they go to get her things, rarely do we get an acknowledgement that being uprooted because of a tragedy has more repercussions than simply the dramatic or emotional ones.
"Like she took your firstborn child or something" Cheeky, and a good way to lead into her landing on ole Rumpie's name and possible involvement.
"Referring to watch Pitch had said." "What pitch had said" perhaps?
The way this chapter ends it kind of feels like North's going to be like "I am half of Rumpelstiltskin!" and the actual line concerning the origins of the book feels underwhelming for a cliffhanger. Given that he just admitted to knowing someone with that name the shift to "WHO GAVE YOU THIS BOOK?!" feels like he's trying to change the subject.
Also, Alice seems kind of young for the age you've pegged her at 19. I remember nineteen (I feel old typing this), I remember taking care of a baby at that age too and while I was still immature and teenagery in a lot of ways it mostly came through in habits and mannerisms rather than thoughts and speech. Alice seems like a likable character but a tad naive if that makes sense? Like there's this element of jadedness that's missing or something. Then again that's strictly an opinion, you write her and the other characters deftly so it may well be me wanting to see something in a character that doesn't really need to be there in order for the story to work.
Overall it was a good chapter, moves the plot along, pacing is good, no major hiccups or anything of note SPaG wise other than the ones previously mentioned and it drew me in even though I'm canon blind so kudos there. c:
| Little Jellyfish chapter 9 . 4/10/2016
The way you started chapter nine was great.
Anyway! I started reading this a couple of months ago and fell in love with it. I love Max (he is so cute) and Alice (I love her character so much, just her train of throught and everything is great ((especially during the part when she thought Jack was breaking into her new house))). I sadly lost the tab of this story and forgot the name, so for a while I couldn't read it because I couldn't find it. And I just found it AND I AM SO HAPPY! Just thought you should know.
Love the story so far, and you are a good writer. Keep up the good work!
| LG176 chapter 14 . 4/1/2016
I really love this story, it's one of my favourite ROTG fics! I love Alice, I love Jack, and I love Max, I really hope they find him soon because I'm so worried about him! Anyway, great fic, I hope to see another update soon :)
| CodeNameBLOOD chapter 14 . 3/28/2016
I absolutely LOVE this story! So far it's the best ROTG fic I've found! I very much look forward to your next update!
| Kateracks chapter 14 . 3/27/2016
I knew it! Actually, from your clues I thought of Rumpelstiltskin from Shrek, not Once Upon A Time, but I suppose that doesn't matter since I got it anyway. Now that they've got a target, things are just going to keep picking up! I'm so excited! I was getting a little worried when you didn't update for a while, but it was worth the wait. Keep it up! :)
| Suni-Dlight chapter 14 . 3/17/2016
I'm in love with your story so far! Can't wait for the rest.
| DesireOFFantasy chapter 14 . 3/17/2016
Great story so far! I can hardly wait for the next chapter.
| KittyCatKate chapter 14 . 3/16/2016
I knew it was Rumplstiltskin when I heard about being able to make gold and having a knack for deals! I remember reading the Brothers Grimm story of it too, along with Once Upon a Time.
I also had a suspicion North hadn't given her the book. Ugh, so many questions!
| BrokenSouloftheDarkness chapter 14 . 3/16/2016
I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW IT WAS RUMPELSTILTSKIN