|Reviews for The Secret Diary of Fleur Delacour, aged 16 34|
| qjhaynes chapter 21 . 4/12
Wow quite forgiving...
| qjhaynes chapter 17 . 4/12
I'm really confused on Harry's reaction here. It doesn't make much sense.
| Guest chapter 31 . 2/16
| abhinavvemuri123 chapter 26 . 2/7
Your writing is great, but you need to read the book from your perspective. The plot might appear great to u because you already know it, but to us it's a bit... patched. Ah but you write this 15 years ago, the time at which ppl wrote stupid independent Harry books with harems
| Ravanok17 chapter 25 . 1/29
So... it’s not a BAD story, the issue is in the execution. There doesn’t seem to be any overarching plot, your strenuous devotion to staying with canon becomes annoying as it’s clear you are attempting this only really with Harry and Fleur’s relationship along with the tasks, and since there’s nothing for you to really write beyond that as it’s from Fleur’s ‘POV,’ you seem to be shoving in these random mysteries in the attempt to intrigue us. The most significant issue though, is that there is no real buildup, nor is it visibly tied in any way.
The Goblet of Fire is one of the most mystery-intensive books in the series, but it does so by connecting all of these mysteries to an overarching plot, and it all seems well put together, along with alluding to the idea of what could go wrong, and with sprinkling in little hints but generally allowing them to fade to the background, so you don’t focus on them when there’s nothing to dissect. Here, it feels like you tried to stick with canon, got bored, and continue to go more and more AU, which might work, except that there’s no real connection, no build up, no hint as to what might have happened, gone awry or any foreshadowing as to these events. They seem to appear out of no where, and instead of progressing them or moving along, you throw in some more, which is really just frustrating rather than intriguing. Plus, you keep them at the forefront, still not solving them. It doesn’t help that they seem utterly pointless and I am really in no way invested in any of them, as there doesn’t seem to be any reason for them to exist in the first place beyond heavy-handed pushing, nor any significant effect on anything.
Now, it could be fine, I could ignore it, but what I, and many readers came here for, is Harry/Fleur. Unfortunately, while you seem to have an end goal of that, the pacing is a glacier trying to squeeze through a mountain. Finally, FINALLY, Fleur has admitted to herself she has feelings for Harry, though it’s in no way clear-cut and I doubt I could be sure, yet you give no hint as to Harry’s feelings, leading us to the point of being frustrated. It feels far too much like you’ve lured us in with the promise of Harry/Fleur, made your own stuff, and add a dash of juicy hint to suggest something might happen soon to keep us interested, only to proceed to ignore it and continue in with your own plot.
This is fanfiction, so you can totally be as creative and unique as you wish, but you can’t give us false promises. Not to mention, all you are accomplishing with these mysteries is frustration, because there seems to be NO POINT. It’s just- She found a necklace! It might belong to this old witch! It’s strangely connected to her! Where did it come from? What is it? What’s going on?
The issue with this being it doesn’t seem in any way important, and while you hint it may have to do with Voldemort, there is no real definitive answer so far.
Finally, there is the biggest issue- Harry and his presence, or more accurately, lack of. His position of peripheral character is certainly changing, but this is a series called HARRY POTTER. And while yes, you clearly want to make this Fleur-centric, by removing the key element, the character we know and love, and reducing him to being mentioned once or twice a chapter as Fleur either wonders ‘What’s up with him?’ Or the most bare allusions to her attraction to him I think I’ve ever seen, it takes away a lot. Especially as we KNOW the most important things revolve around him, including Voldemort. Fleur and her mysteries, quite frankly, just don’t seem as important in the end. It creates frustration, at least for me, when I want to know wtf is happening with Harry, or see more progression in their relationship, and instead you focus on these inane things that seem completely irrelevant.
Again, it’s okay, but it has a lot of issues, most likely through your method of communicating things. Like you are trying to make it a journal and instead make it some strange cross, which continues to build frustration.
But I digress, I’ll give another review on the last chapter when I have it (hopefully) satisfied, and with any luck, will come back recommending this story. For now, I believe it is alright, but don’t really recommend it unless you’re absolutely thirsting for Harry/Fleur.(Like myself.)
| bdwilliams3 chapter 31 . 10/4/2020
| Baby Huey chapter 18 . 8/27/2020
I know that this story is complete. it is one of my favorites. I just wanted to share some information. If I remember correctly, Valentines Day has its roots in ancient Rome. At one point in the history of Rome, it was the only day of the year in which a woman could divorce her husband. If successful, she would also get all of his property.
| Gwawr Hearn chapter 5 . 12/21/2019
So I was correct!
| Gwawr Hearn chapter 4 . 12/21/2019
To answer your first query: because the girls were not pure. And the answer to your second question, I believe, is Which Witch? by Eva Ibbotson. It used to be one of my favourite books when I was younger.
| CasperShot chapter 4 . 11/15/2019
AnswerThe girls must have been promiscuous, cuz a unicorn will only go to a virgin. A singing virgin.
| G Fawkes chapter 28 . 1/25/2019
I don't think there was any reason given, that scabbers/Pettigrew would even know to search Fleur's room. All of a sudden a rat is in her room. Then later, the cat is chasing a rat. Then the cat is in her room chasing something. Now the necklace is gone.
How about some background as to HOW Voldemort found out about the stone? How he even knows WHAT it is.
And how dare Peter show up in the Three Broomsticks?! Rosmerta knew all FOUR of the Marauder's. Major plot hole there. Even Malfoy would know better than to meet him in public.
| G Fawkes. GF chapter 24 . 1/24/2019
"We kept standing near the bus"? What?
When Fire and water marry? Fleur is fire due to her Veela heritage, which would have made more sense if you had ALL Veela be 100 percent Veela and she could transform. Fireballs? Anyone?
Harry is Air if he is anything... He cannot swim. Just cuz Dobby gave him some gillyweed does not make him the master of water.
| G Fawkes chapter 21 . 1/23/2019
Why would magical shops in Hogsmeade be closed on Sunday? Religion might have reached half of one percent, or some ridiculously small group. Hogsmeade has two days to sell to all the other magicals who do not live there. No way are they closing on one of their TWO big retail opportunities. (Blue laws and paganism, even atheism, do not mix)
| GF chapter 20 . 1/23/2019
A/u? I'm wondering why you had Fleur and Cedric in robes to swim. Barmy, that is.
And, why not bring up that a MAJOR weakness to Veela is WATER?!
| G F chapter 16 . 1/23/2019
Roger and Cho are not in the same year. Cedric and Roger are, but they are 7th years and Cho is fifth. Cho is a year behind Fleur in YOUR story. In Canon, Fleur is a seventh year, too.