|Reviews for Firestarter|
| Phairis chapter 9 . 6/15/2017
Damn, thats some fucking good shit. Keep it up. I couldn't stop reading.
| Keleri chapter 6 . 4/13/2017
loool I like this gallant bug catcher, he's awful. Poor Barrett, these fights with him disobeying and getting tunnel vision demonstrate why he needs training and a trainer well. Hayley is having to do a lot of hands-on medical care! Dang, it's a lot of ask of a kid without a pokeball neatly putting the pokemon in stasis or items mostly-correcting these types of injuries.
| Keleri chapter 9 . 4/13/2017
Oh nooooooo, poor Hayley and poor Barrett. :( I really feel Hayley's struggle in this one, it's so hard to make things right. Hope you update again soon!
| Keleri chapter 8 . 4/13/2017
Very exciting chapter, I'm enjoying this a lot. Trevenant! Dang! This is way more than trainers without a single badge should have to handle, poor kids. Where ARE the rangers? What are my taxes paying for here? lol
| Keleri chapter 7 . 4/13/2017
Oh wow, that raises the stakes quite a bit! So much for traveling with a partner keeping you safe! Looks like the forest is unusually unhappy with someone bringing in a fire-type...
| Keleri chapter 5 . 4/13/2017
Nice, Hayley is prepared and sensible! No wonder she has the disobedient pokemon and unpleasant partner, otherwise this wouldn't even be a challenge for her. B) Hahaha I love Miriam, too bad Hoenn's rite of passage is pokemon training and not gaming, right? I'm surprised she's forced to go out training when she doesn't want to given the opportunity for injury and death in the woods, I might have missed if you explained that earlier.
Barrett! :( Be good, little guy. Poor Hayley, hopefully she'll get a chance to try some positive reinforcement on him. (And maybe on Miriam too lol)
"protect her shoulders from the sub," - sun
"make themselves noticed over the corwd." - crowd
| Keleri chapter 4 . 4/13/2017
Ooh, I really like the battle in this chapter, lots of great description. I like your worldbuilding as well with trainer prep and trainers' schools, very nice. Dang, poor Aron! Don't be bad, Barrett. :( I like the high stakes of the pokemon battles with pokemon getting scarred and dented- does the pokemon center healing not fix that up?
I noticed a few typos if you don't mind the nitpicking:
"a pair of wigs sprouting from its back" - wings
"It was a Manetric, lithe and fierce" - there's a few places with a typo in Manectric's name, might be worth find/replacing that one. there are a couple other pokemon name typos, I noticed Drifloom (Drifloon) and Macop (Machop).
"Scizor were physical attackers, but if this one's metal frame so much as touched the sparking Manectric, it would be electrocuted in an instant." Steel takes neutral damage from electric canonically, but I actually think that it should take double damage from it and neutral damage from fire, so I'll let this one slide. ;)
"Between Barrett and MIriam," - stray capitalization on Miriam
| Keleri chapter 3 . 4/13/2017
Aw, Miriam. I think I know how she's feeling, being the new kid all alone and pre-emptively snapping at people, but maybe she is just a jerk lol. Hayley and Connie's friendship feels really genuine, I like the detail you put into the scene with the friendship bracelet with the paint getting stuck. Poor Hayley, her friend gets a Ralts- that feel when your friend gets that protagonist starter and you don't. ;)
| Keleri chapter 2 . 4/13/2017
Haha, curse whoever invented the forced school project partner-up! Looks like Hayley will have to tame her traveling partner as well as her new pokemon. Poor little Barrett, I hope he's (eventually) happy with Hayley.
| Guest chapter 9 . 1/25/2017
| Keleri chapter 1 . 11/16/2016
I like this intro chapter a lot, Hayley's struggles feel authentic without being too much of a downer and she makes realistic efforts toward getting a starter she can be happy with. I like that you made the lab starters rare and sought-after, but that the kids who aren't chosen to receive them don't just cool their heels in town and actually set out to get alternate first pokemon. Hayley's classmates and interactions with them make the world feel more lived-in instead of the somewhat sterile background of some OT 'fics where it seems like only the MC (and maybe their friends/rival) get a pokemon or are even interested in them. I worry about oversight of the GTS when anyone can upload a pokemon from their living room, but maybe we're about to see the results of that lack of quality control, as it were, heheheh.
| indiscretion chapter 9 . 4/24/2016
Huh? So the school doesn't seem to be teaching them on how to deal with rebellious mons? And yet, we have some trainers (mightyena story) saying how it's necessary to have "shows of force" to your pokemon. The school is incompetent enough to not teach people how to deal with rebellious mons (nonviolently, hopefully, since the alternative makes this place a shithole)?
Or maybe Hayley's sugarcoated her perspective to the point that pokemon training appears only as friendship and rainbows to her. Maybe that's why you're presenting your story as a saccharine town (nice and sugary, there's a little bit of tension with Barrett and Miriam but that's all stuff that can get solved with with the power of friendship! in this kind of setting) before the surprise! trevenant encounter. Maybe there were other hints, although I haven't been reading carefully enough to notice them. Hm. If it's Hayley who's only seeing the friendbows, it seems kinda weird that Howie mentions a random mightyena story rather than something they learned in school, if they learned anything in school that was along the lines of disobedient pokemon being disobedient because they're lacking respect.
It would be kind of stretching it for the school to be incompetent, and not prepare them or at least scare them for things like the trevenant attack, so I think I like my second guess better. Unless the trevenant thing is a fluke, which... kind of ruins any tension built up by it.
Or maybe this is part of the (very slow) process to turn Hayley into a monster. Don't worry, Hayley, I know all your intentions are sincere, at first at least. Keep being a trainer and tell yourself that the things you do to your mons are okay. From what I've read, it doesn't seem as likely as a secret dark pokeworld but we'll see.
Your author's note a few chapters back about this being a "dumb little project" is compelling.
On a random other note, I had always thought Barrett was named after the hair ornament thing. Kinda fits the story, ahaha.
| ChocolateFan25 chapter 9 . 4/13/2016
Oh god, I feel so sorry for Hayley right now. She deserves her dream journey. :(
| formeraki chapter 9 . 3/31/2016
Ahhhh, wow, a lot happened since I last read and I thought it was all really lovely. I take back a lot of the things I mentioned in my last review: you have a few tropes here and there, and the setup required a little supsension of disbelief, but the story that you've got going now is pretty believable. I love the way you're handling these characters like actual children, and your character dynamics are solid. Also, Barrett and Hayley's relationship is awesome and hasn't cleared up in three chapters like most fanfictions would treat it, which is great. And the last line of this chapter... damn. Well-played.
Also, your forest scene was delightfully terrifying. You obviously don't have to answer, but I do wonder if this is indicative of a darker tone overall, as the previous chapters were significantly more light-hearted then "literally everything around us is trying to kill us in the most violent way possible."
| Katarena chapter 9 . 3/31/2016
I hate to say this, but I can almost understand Gavin wanting to go home. An event like that is enough to shatter anyone's confidence.
You've raised a pretty good point - why DOES Miriam's mother want her to go on a journey if it's going to be that dangerous?
Bad move, Hayley. But abusers don't feel horrified at what they're doing. Hayley isn't an evil person.