Reviews for Egyptiote
Guest chapter 1 . 3/1
oh, I feel so bad for Percy. Poor guy.
Codename-SN chapter 1 . 5/23/2020
absbssjsjdkkdkd THIS IS THE MOST INTERESTING AU I'VE EVER SEEN fuck has anyone else written anything like this? Cause like,,, damn I'd love to read that
Wika0304 chapter 1 . 7/12/2019
please update, it starts great
Kurome Hiyoshi chapter 1 . 11/20/2018
I want more chapters. Can you update the next chapter as soon as possible. It's a great and goid idea I had been read.
Hanii Seirios Slytherin chapter 1 . 12/13/2017
more please!
Guest chapter 1 . 12/25/2016
Can you please write a sequel
Bianca1512 chapter 1 . 11/27/2016
Ruby of Raven chapter 1 . 11/17/2016
Oh no... Man... They really srewed up by letting him go to the magicians first, huh?
Atreides03 chapter 1 . 10/4/2016
That was very interesting. I really like it.
Guest chapter 1 . 8/12/2016
Hope u do a sequel
Wilco pop chapter 1 . 7/24/2016
This is great! Would you ever consider turning this into a full blown chapter fic?
Guest chapter 1 . 4/18/2016
Don't make it slash. Please don't.
Team Wingless chapter 1 . 2/29/2016
I'm here from the review game. Reviewing as I read.

The first thing I'm going to point out before I even start reading is the whopping 7k word count. Granted this may very well be a one-shot and I'm used to chapter works, but my first impression as a reader was to be very intimidated. In my experience, I've found that many readers cap out at something like 2k-3k words. So if there's a way to go back and do a basic round of editing, which is healthy for any writer, I'll bet you could easily skim off 1k words just by condensing sentences and doing basic cleanup.

Onto the writing. My impression of your hook was unfortunately somewhat lacking, as it begins with a description of ceiling tiles. I consider it a bad habit that many authors have to start out with descriptions of something arbitrary. A story has to start somewhere but I prefer to read stories that start out with some kind of action or a buzz, something that makes me go "whaaa? I gotta know more..."

Your second entry starts out very well though, and your descriptions of it smelling like spices painted a very vivid image in my mind. This is great because you got other olfactory senses involved. I think you should implement that more in your previous passage.

This sentence "he has arrived before he knows it" is awkward. I think you're splicing tense somehow. I feel like it would be more comfortable to just say "he arrives before he knows it."

"He won't be bested by a girl." This is a cute and funny line that I feel should have more power to it. I think you should italicize "girl" to give that extra snark.

December 10th is about where I'm getting glassy-eyed, just to let you know. There's a lot of narration but the action is somewhat lack-luster and I'm being fed a lot of random facts that aren't particularly interesting and feel so disjointed and out of order. I do like all the haunting surrealistic hinting though, dreams of Anubis and such. It feels like there is a deeper layer that I would love to know more of but there is so much narration getting in the way that I might never get to it.

I have to admit, I started skimming around this next entry. I like your journal style writing but the paragraphs are very dense and over four sentences long. There's also a lot of description about things like characters turning their heads or just standing around thinking. It's just too much arbitrary. Maybe it's other people's cup of tea but it's just not working for me.

I did get to the ending though and I think it's very powerful how he's told he's a demigod and runs. This is an appropriate response. I wouldn't know what to say if that happened to me.

I think that you should go back and take a look at each paragraph, and challenge yourself to make it 2 sentences. I think a lot of superfluous info could be safely deleted and would really tighten this story up. I guess this might be considered slice-of-life, and I know a lot of people are into it. Sorry it's just not my thing.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/3/2015
(Accidently pressed submit and this is still Elizabeth Blossom, sorry!) the Kane Chronicles and Heroes of Olympus? There are so many questions I have about this amazing universe and I eagerly await the next installment, however long that might take. :)
salazarastark chapter 1 . 12/3/2015
This is amazing. I love everything about this story, and I have so many questions I can't for the answer too. How did Sally meet Poseidon? Did he know who she was? Did she know he was? How did she die? Will Chiron piece together where Percy's from? Will Percy tell anyone? How will they even get Percy to come to Camp Half-Blood? Will Anubis help Percy during his quests? How will Percy explain that? Will Hades, Nico, Bianca, and Hazel notice something odd about Percy because of his contact with Anubis? Will Poseidon? How is Percy related to the Ptomely's? Directly descended through Cleopatra? If so, through Caeser or Antony? Would Percy be a part of the
22 | Page 1 2 Next »