Chapter 4-Roots: I feel like this chapter really begins Aeren's journey for me. I must admit I have no previous knowledge of the source material, but seeing Aeren slowly realize the import of his situation in this scene and begin to question-if just a bit-the teachings of the Ecclesiarchy brings tension to the work; as does the end of this chapter where Errake holds out hope and takes it away only to offer it again in the form of insight to Aeren's young, willful, curious mind. It is a good counterpoint to the previous chapters where Errake offered the same in the form of a weapon and the opportunity for physical attack that couldn't possibly have succeeded. I am excited for the adventure ahead!

Great story

And once again we learn that whatever good intentions you may have had, chaos will not help you in the way you wanted. Oh you want power to fight for the people? Only after you kill enough to be completely desensitized to suffering. Want to stop people from dying of syphilis, now everyone has super-cancer that makes them immortal but forever in pain.

Word to the wise. Fuck the Dark gods

Really starting to get into this

This was a very good story. The length wad just right,

Thank you for a lovely read.
Know that your writings are appreciated.
Hope ya have lovely life!

Take care, don't die.

I did go back and read it once again since i lost touch with the story slightly. (towards the end, second half of the second part)
Not sure what to do about that, shortening it might be good, but i can't find anything that's not worth being there.
Maybe shortening the sentences?
Maybe divide the last section up into 2?

Don't know what i woulda done, but i'd trust your judgement over mine anyway.

Have some free input from a guy :) and thanks for the story

I'm excited for what comes next, thank you for the story.

This is one of the best W40K stories that I've ever read. Original, well written and with interesting characters. Really well done. I'm really curious to see what you've planned for the sequel.

10/10, would read again. This was a splendid work, and I can't wait for more!

Ok, I am highly enjoying this so far and will leave my review now, as agreed, though it won't be the last one. ;-)

It is really an interesting concept for a story and I find it gripping to wonder what the heck Errake wants with Aeren. I also had a lot of fun guessing from which Chapter Errake originated, too bad that the guessing is over now. ;-)

As for the characters...
Aeren - he is likeable, understandable, and you picture his youth very well, I think, with his hard time to keep calm and his rashness. Then again, I think he is too young, the enlistment age for the guard is 17, I think. I also deem that he takes his situation a bit too well, maybe this comes from young stubbornness, but wouldn't a such indoctrinated spirit be a lot more fazed by the thing he has gotten into? Nevertheless, it is not too big a bother for me to disrupt the story for me.
Errake - Well portrayed, mysterious and it is gripping for the reader to guess what he is up to.

I like your writing style, it is good to read and has the right pacing. I also found it interesting that you portrayed the insides of a Chaos ship and that it might be not as gruesome and flithy as the Imperium pictures it.

I am anxious to read more, there is only some suggestions I have:
1. Make sure that only one person speaks in each paragraph. This is standard in English, I have made the same mistake, therefore I share my acquired wisdom and I even looked it up in an English book because I did not believe it when I was told. ;-) It also makes the story easier to read.
2. I would give the Primarchs a capital letter, since it is a title of some sorts.
3. I would combine the first two or three chapters, they are somewhat "unnecessary" short.

I am looking forward to reading the next chapters!

Another excellent chapter. Glad to see this back. It was certainly different to see that Errake does, in fact feel, and I liked hearing about a few of the things he has seen.

See you again soon.

Really don't want it to end

I can't thank you enough for the time you put into this
This is my favourite story by far, even though it's changed a few times it doesn't change how well you have written the characters and locations you make the unbelievable so easy to imagine
Can't wait for the next chapter

This is has been fantastic. It was great to see your writing improve as you went, seeing as no one starts out perfect. Going along with that, Aeren's development has been brilliant, and I hope I'll be able to read more of it in some form of sequel/second book, since it is far from complete.

Going back a bit, the manner in which you wrote Errake's recount of the times leading up to the Horus Heresy was excellent. I loved the slightly deeper delve into the minds of the pre-heresy Marines than I've seen before, and how you made it more complicated than merely their corruption by Chaos. This of course, did make the lives of Errake's marines much... closer to the Imperial "norm" than I had initially anticipated. Certianly an iteresting change of pace from the common traitor marine.

Anyway, I'll be looking forward to the epilogue/next chapter!