|Reviews for A Cadmean Victory|
| AnabelleRosenaire chapter 103 . 7h
Oh my fuck- what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.
I just finished this and it was absolutely brilliant, the first half of the book seemed really innocent and just a cool AU, but then it got so dark and holy shits, that ending was beautiful.
| Random Anon chapter 103 . 2/22
I just discovered this story yesterday about 10:00am, and I have read it obsessively until now when I finished (its 01:40am) in between work and all that other stuff.
I actually found myself tearing up a bit when Katie died, and I was so angry when you killed off Harry. Hermione's fate was wonderfully done, I found myself debating if she had found the locket or not, when we got closer and closer to the end of the story and you still hadn't wrapped up the locket, I was worried that it wasn't going to be touched upon, but then you tied it together wonderfully.
The proper words are just out of reach and I'm not really sure what needs to be said, but bravo sir/ma'am/person, bravo.
If I ever get my account setup again here, this is definitely going into a favorites, even if the amount of angst at the end drove me batty.
Thank you for writing this and sharing it with the greater world.
| Robert Harrison chapter 70 . 19h
The end of this chapter almost brought tears to my eyes.
| Guest chapter 53 . 2/22
Only 52 chapters in but the “fluff” chapters are on point. Resr of the story is written as well as any other fan fiction so fat. But the fluff is on point.
| Runyon chapter 103 . 2/23
| Robert Harrison chapter 33 . 2/22
I'm not sure if anyone pointed it out or not, but there is a fairly awesome continuity error in this chapter.
Near the beginning of the chapter Gabby tells Fleur that she wants to stay with her until the end of the tourney, and Fleur reflects on what it says about them that Gabby would rather stay at Hogwarts for four months than go home.
Then near the end of the chapter, Harry mentions that the final task is only a month away.
Which means that somewhere between those two points at least 2 months happened. While you mentioned in an earlier chapter that there would be a time skip, having one without telling the reader or even the courtesy of a simple line break isn't very nice.
| Robert Harrison chapter 19 . 2/21
Okay... Gotta say, Fleur being angry about being ignored by Harry, who I believe genuinely doesn't realize what's going on, is probably the best thing, of many good things I promise, about this story.
| Robert Harrison chapter 18 . 2/21
I enjoyed the chapter, I was hoping that Harry would have a transitional relationship before Fleur ever since Katie became more prominent. I know it probably bothers some people but I feel like those are the same people that want Harry and Fleur to just jump into bed at the drop of a hat.
The things I really want to comment on concern the notes in this chapter. At the beginning of the chapter, you'd mentioned seeking recommendations for proofreading. I have two.
The first I learned from a history professor who hated getting badly written papers. Her advice to us, as a class, was to finish the paper and then sleep on it. Come back to it after you've slept and read it. Her reasoning, which I found to be sound, was that trying to read it immediately after having written it you're to familiar with it and know what you think should be written there.
The second I learned from a high school teacher may a year ago. His recommendation was to print it out and read it line by line with a pen in hand (preferably red) and mark any corrections you find that would be needed.
A combination of the two works really well I found.
| itamar.priel chapter 103 . 2/18
I'm with SinfulPride... This story just destroyed me. I've read countless stories and very few had the emotional impact of this story. Really well done. I'm at a loss for words.
| Hidden.Forever chapter 76 . 2/14
this is gonna make game of thrones look like a relaxing walk in the park, isn't it?
| Hidden.Forever chapter 70 . 2/14
nooo Salazar nooo :(( whyyyyyyy I'm sad now :(
| SinfulPride chapter 103 . 2/13
This story utterly destroyed me. I laughed, cried, loved, and lost. I cannot begin to express the magnitude of emotions I felt while reading this story and that, more than anything, is a true victory.
| Hidden.Forever chapter 30 . 2/13
Oooh, that cliffhanger is very very nice! Before I have expressed my doubts about your super emotional detached Harry (even though you mentioned it in chapter 1) but it seems to work. I mean, most writers do angsty Harry for the sake of angst. You seem to go somewhere with it, which is refreshing. Also, people don't mind cliches as long as they are well-executed cliches, which you seem to do.
If I sounded a bit too agressive in my earlier reviews, that was not my intent and I did try to tone it down. It's just that it's rare to come across well put together fanfics, so if I talk forever about one point or another is because I care. I mean, it bothers me a little when one thing or another ruins my suspension of disbelief, when the rest just works, so I try to point out things that I notice and are hopefully helpful in some way.
| Hidden.Forever chapter 21 . 2/13
Another advice. Look, we all know Katie accepted Roger's invite just so that Harry will go with Fleur to the ball. And Malfoy used Serpensortia just so it would set up Harry to be awesome.
My point is, "forcing" the story or the characters a little bit is fine, especially in fanfiction. Just do yourself a favor and don't point out, out loud, that you did so.
"hmm, I really wonder why Katie went with that jerk just to spite me". "doesn't Malfoy remember I'm a parseltongue?" - It kinda draws the reader's attention to the "stitching in the story", if you get my drift.
| Hidden.Forever chapter 20 . 2/13
I just want to point out a small bias of yours:
-Fleur has never kissed anyone
-Katie, 2-3 years older than Harry, has never asked out anybody before and is nervous approaching Harry
-Katie and Harry have only dated once, which hardly puts them in a "committed relationship". Katie doesn't cheat on Harry, and honestly admits her jealous impulse that made her accept a dance invitation from another guy. Harry does not accept this as an accident. He doesn't even propose "Tell him you made a mistake and come with me". Instead, Harry says "you're dead to me", more or less.
To put this directly: you expect the female characters to have this...innocence, naivety around them, to have never even considered the thought of any other guy but your hero. I bet that if any of them have ever had a boy homework partner, not to mention a friend that is also a boy, that automatically disqualifies them.
Other things I noticed:
-while your female characters, even older, are shy or nervous, Harry the Hero never has any doubts or insecurities when interacting with the opposite sex. Meh, he could do with some arm candy.
-the relationship of Harry with his only female friend is now kaputt and I doubt it will recover during this fic. Your fic would have been stronger if Harry kept his ties with Hermione (and even Ron), seeing as friends don't detract from romantic or epic pursuits.
This is not meant to sound as a rant, or angry or anything. I mean, fanfic is to some extent wish-fulfillment, I don't hold that against it, or your fanfic in particular. I just wanted to point out what I perceive as "blind spots", seeing that you seem to also dabble in original writing and will benefit from advice on how to make your characters more well-rounded, believable. :)
Also, I did not mention this but I really really enjoyed the First Task. I'm a sucker for Time Travel Thingys :D.