Reviews for The Sea Borne Girl
Sophiatrixx chapter 14 . 11/4/2003
*blinks* . . . no! It's finished? *cries and bangs head on wall* Gah! -.-' Welz.. A very good-sad-ish ending it was!

Great fanfic Asuka!
GamaFox chapter 13 . 9/16/2003


IF U WANT IM ME AT ashliejohn


S. A. Bonasi chapter 13 . 6/27/2003
This chapter is really good.
Sophiatrixx chapter 13 . 6/26/2003
... hey! dats my name on the chapter :o lol.

nice chap. hope u update again soon ne?
S. A. Bonasi chapter 12 . 6/25/2003
Now things are getting interesting. The Onikage/Maleficant was really good, and possibly the best part of the entire story.
S. A. Bonasi chapter 11 . 6/25/2003
I like this chapter! Not only is Eichiko the wrong girl, but Riku is gonna kill her. Though Onikage killing her Mum's a bit cliche.

Random Scene:

Onikage: *Angrily.* Leave! Now! Sorry, Eichiko, but your are the wrong Mary-sue!

Eichiko: *Indignantly.* What! What do you mean I am the wrong Mary-sue? I can't be wrong! I must always be perfect!

Okay, that was a bit random... and stupid. Continue!
S. A. Bonasi chapter 10 . 6/25/2003
I have no idea what a squeedly spooch is... But whether you admit it or not, Asuka is a Mary-sue. Geeze, it's not like being a Mary-sue is bad or anything, provided that the Mary-sue is faulted, intesting, and well rounded.
S. A. Bonasi chapter 9 . 6/25/2003
Oh, don't worry, I've read worse. _ Ah, so you are friends now? *Pauses to reflect on the irony.* _ Uh... the plot moves along. So... Asuka is was kidnapped... Why would Onikage want her?
S. A. Bonasi chapter 8 . 6/25/2003
Onikage sounds a bit... boring. I mean, he completely evil and totally depthless. How much do you want to bet that Asuka defeats him, saves Sora and Kairi, and then lives happily ever after with Riku? Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but I'm just being honest. But hey, your paragraphs are so much better in this chapter. And I know that writing villians can be tough.
S. A. Bonasi chapter 7 . 6/25/2003
Aye, I'll be damned, but you are getting better at the paragraphs. Actually, this chapter shows improvement. But it still needs work. Remember, you start a new paragraph everytime there is a new speaker. I would suggest writing it in Microsoft Word, and then resaving it in HTML format before uploading. That's what I always do. Well, good luck.
S. A. Bonasi chapter 6 . 6/25/2003

Asuka just went from bad to worse. She is not better at yet another thing. And the chapter title even says she is 'wise'.

Now, I know that I'm reviewing a bit late, but please keep in mind what I say for you later chapters.

Sora and Kairi get sick. And Asuka magically knows how to help them? I'm sorry, but that's something all Mary-sues can do. She needs faults. She needs to royally screw up and everyone get mad at her. She needs to fall and look like an idiot. You need to humble her. She is too perfect. Trust me, even if the reads don't like her if you give her faults, they will have to accept her as an interesting character. Just don't make her so perfect.

Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I haven't flamed you once, just given you constructive critisicm.

- S. A.
Jeweled Knife chapter 13 . 6/25/2003

Is Riku CRAZY?

I think he is.

This is really getting good . Keep up the good work, nice detail in this chapter too...poor Sora...poor Kai-...wait, forget about her. But anyway, how could you do that to my poor Sora?

*glomps Sora Plushie*

*sniff sniff*

Oh well, i hope everything works out fine in the end...but i'll never know, if you don't continue! So please do!


S. A. Bonasi chapter 5 . 6/25/2003

Hang on, you have THREE AMSA members reveiwing your story! *Jealous look.* Why don't you send some of them over my way. I've been trying to get some of them to review my Mary-sue story, 'Watashi wa Neko Neko Desu!' for ages! Because I would highly value the opinions of an AMSA member on a Mary-sue fan fiction, as they would not go easy on me and give the honest opinions.

Yes, now that I think about it, there is some problems with the formatting of this story. I would really suggest that you start writing on a microsoft program so you can use spell check. Also work on making some more complex sentances.

If you are looking to improve you Mary-sue, then I would suggest that you read some of the fan fictions written by the AMSA. I'm sure they will be a great help.

What do you know, Asuka is good at something else... And she has no faults. She still needs some work.

- S. A.
S. A. Bonasi chapter 4 . 6/25/2003

This is a Mary-sue story. If you didn't know, Mary-sues never look anything like the authors that created them. They are always more beautiful and perfect.

Now, why would you destroy this story? *Sighs.* Instead of getting angry, you should take the peoples advice. Even the harshest flames I have recieved (I think it called me annoying and a hypocrite...) contained vital constructive critisicm. Instead of getting angry at Chevira, why don't you ask her how you can improve Asuka and your story WITHOUT removing Asuka? She can be a harsh flamer, but Chevira is very knowledgeable and a very good writer.

- S. A.

P. S.: Remember that any fault that Asuka has should be noticed and disliked my the canon cast.
S. A. Bonasi chapter 3 . 6/24/2003

*Claps.* Bravo! Asaku has got some depth! *Muttering.* About time... *Coughs.* Now, despite being perfect and guarenteed to end up with Riku, she feels insecure and thinks herself ugly! And she's an emotional nutcase! I mean, seriously. A family death is never going to go away, but you would think she would have moved on by now. Particually if she was only five when it happened. Strange that she would remember particular memory. It also strikes a bit of Mary-sueness. After all, your Mother is obviously not dead, considering that she is around to review and insult Canadians.

- S. A.

An aspiring AMSA member
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