Reviews for Harry's Independence
spaceman89 chapter 1 . 6/5
What is this? The flow and dialogue is all wrong.
Makurayami Ookami chapter 63 . 5/12
Well written.
Vampireking40 chapter 10 . 5/9
I was wondering if Hermonie was even in this story.
Vampireking40 chapter 6 . 5/9
That was a great prank pulled on Ron and he got Harry to have Neville has his room mate. Ernie will have to deal with the snoring. I think Harry and Draco should be friends has Dumbledore has not right to tell him to not be friends with the boy.
Vampireking40 chapter 5 . 5/9
One question how is Luna in Harry year.
Vampireking40 chapter 4 . 5/9
Draco a Ravenclaw that is so cool. I know he would not make it if he was a Gryffindor.
Vampireking40 chapter 3 . 5/9
I would have said send them both to Slytherin to truly piss off Dumbedlore, but has it has been already written the house they do get into is a good choice especially for Neville.
Vampireking40 chapter 1 . 5/9
What was the gift the Dursley were to be given?
chelly12 chapter 55 . 10/10/2017
You keep changing things? Snape was with hooch then wasn’t, Draco was ravenclaw and then slytherin, he got on with harry and then didn’t? You keep changing things, I’m confused
LetsSeeIfICanDoThisToo chapter 1 . 6/18/2017
Wow... um... i think the info dump is better done as a monolog or something, with the conversations being seperate from those.

I also think it would be easier to read if you seoerate each characters dialog with a white line from the others to make it easier to read.

Another trick i recommend is never to name the actual funds of your character. Doing so tends tk have people start mwntal arithmatic in seei.g how believable or possible something truly is. So instead of saying hes a billionaire, just say hes loaded / rich with properties all over the place. This way you can avoid naming places and info dumping info that is otherwise not used, and any new locations in the future are easily explained.

Futhermore, whilst i like the plot a lot, i think you could do with somw atmospheric drama such as:
Neville screamed, as the potion harry had given him took effect. It felt like having a hot iron in your chest, pushing out the wrinkles of the glamor as it relwased its hold.

Its a bit dramatic but its captivating. Anyway i lile the plot so far, i hope that the tricks and tips i gave to your future writing experiences, carry on :)
Makurayami Ookami chapter 62 . 6/4/2017
This was awesome.
nightwing27 chapter 21 . 4/28/2017
thank god in my story the wesleys will not be control by that crazy gay old fool in fact will be part of the cross over messive army harry will have
Guest chapter 61 . 4/23/2017
She loves Snape and Theo?
BrewstrMcl chapter 1 . 4/22/2017
I almost don't know how to begin with this review. The characters in this story are not well developed and act without explanation. Although Dumbledore is a powerful magic user, the house elf Dobby just jumps into his office at Hogwarts to put charms in the talking hat and then messes with Dumbledore's memory. REALLY? The amount of money sitting around in the two vaults that Longbottom is heir to is not even close to being realistic. I hope the writing and story improves a lot in the next chapter or I will give up on this.
Makurayami Ookami chapter 61 . 4/20/2017
Wow but at least it went well.
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