|Reviews for Warden|
| bluekrishna chapter 1 . 2/14/2016
"... prompting him him to curb his surliness..." extra him snuck in there
".. are completely unimportant in the long run." lol morrigan. way to meta the plot. heh heh heh
oooooo, carver's got a crush.
awwww, carver said 'eff you' to loghain. dang and then a shriek got him.
well, interesting beginning. carver standing up to miranda and saying, 'my choice!' and all. carver catches a lot of crap, but really, he's not that bad. i find him relatable as one who has an older, more 'accomplished' sibling. petulance is a reflex after a while. one has to work hard not to flash it and make ... bad first impressions.
so, a divergence from canon, where we get to see carver grow up without having to labor in miranda's colossal shadow. that's awesome. plus a possible love interest already. i think i'm gonna really enjoy reading this.
| CN7 chapter 1 . 1/1/2016
I like how you've really delved into Carver's character. Yeah, he's broody and surly, but he listens. He wants to be someone, and that's really well portrayed here. I'd be annoyed too if my elder sister played games, dodging literal speech for patronizing analogies. Miranda is nice and she clearly loves her little brother, but you certainly gave Carver a reason to be kind of stubborn, deadset on forging his own path. I've never really played the kind, teacher archetype, slightly patronizing Hawke, so this was new and interesting for an altered perspective. I quite liked it.
Every sentence and word was action-packed and pushed the story further. I could feel Carver's daze, his eagerness to protect his king. The way you brought in his tender spot for the odd little Dalish character was precious.
I honestly have no grammatical critique I can give you. The structure was sublime.
| Judy chapter 16 . 12/18/2015
| Warden of Lore chapter 16 . 12/18/2015
yippie. so your gonna do all the dlc right
| V-rcingetorix chapter 16 . 12/18/2015
A good ending to your story; and the entire tale of DA:O in 16 chapters and 54k words!
There are two points I disagree with, but it's probably just me.
First, the statement: " ... the armies rushed in ..."
that's it? All that toil, tribulation and terror (can't think of any more 't' words) boils down to four words? What about the dwarves bellowing war cries, the Arl Eamon leading his men into battle, or a few fireballs missing Carver by a hairs width? There was more description of the werewolves and the mages, true ... but it was not by much. Normally I'm not for filler, but here it might have helped a little.
Second, Alistair. This story really gives him the (insert preferred pejorative action/word). Not only does he get saddled with the throne, he is forced to exonerate his family's murderer, marry an arrogant shrew, and abandon one of the few people that liked him for himself, not his crown. I applaud his sticking to his wife, as a man should, but dislike the decision to make him so milktoast. He could have jailed Anora and taken the throne without much repurcussion, really. Logically, she was a threat to the throne, and it was a *very* common practice to kill the whole royal family when a rival group ascended. By sparing her life, he would have gained public approval almost as much as if he'd married her, as well as an extra worry later down the line (assassin potential).
On the plus side, the Carver/Morrigan ending was decent. Moving, even; the Mission Impossible letter burning was a funny touch (to me) that highlighted the severing of all ties. Of course, Carver still has her ring, no?
Another plus was the death of the Archdemon. The tactics learned from before were a very good layering; Team Carver knows how to kill dragons, lol. The flash-burning was a good draconic trait: not everyone has the capability to dodge dragonfire, especially those who forgo armor.
Last note: the geography is good. I'm not sure if it's because I know the place you're talking about, but you used as few words as possible to depict the location. It worked; the whole idea was conveyed with minimal verbiage ... excellent work on that!
I'll maintain a watch for your Commander work; Keep up the good work!
| Guest chapter 2 . 12/15/2015
A Hawke is a Hawke no matter how you look at them. They'll take charge and get S*** done, even if they are Carver.
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/15/2015
Miranda would have noticed s**t just hit the fan and made a run for it... unless there was a friend or family were involved.
| V-rcingetorix chapter 15 . 12/11/2015
You skipped over the decision on whether to keep Logain or not. That's kinda important, since Alistair's emotional reaction is based on how it goes. Plus, there was an opportunity to wax angsty over the moral decision: Greater Good, or Right/Wrong?
The Carver/Morrigan scene felt rushed. That is the single longest sentence I've seen Carver say, and he apparently ignored Morrigan from beginning to end. Since he started this relationship by observing her closely, and carried the story by continuing tiny glimpses of her actions, this is somewhat disconnected.
There was also a lack of closure in the Niamh/Alistair front. Last chapter made a very emotional-filled impact on the whole 'I will have a true marriage' aspect, and one I wholeheartedly approve. Far too many stories go with the idea that the heroic character can do shady things because he deserves it.
On the plus side, you did a good job with the meeting. Having Logain smugly confident in his actions is very much in keeping with his attitude. Why would he change, simply because he was beaten in one fight?
The uncertainty in Morrigan was good as well; my objection is just in Carver's position/action. Her hesitancy was very telling, well written there.
Last bit: love the return of Snarky Carver: "Well, even if we are to die, we can rest after tomorrow." He needs to show up more often :)
Keep up the good work!
| Judy chapter 14 . 12/6/2015
| Warden of Lore chapter 14 . 12/7/2015
that last line:)
| Tiresias-135 chapter 1 . 12/2/2015
Oh, wow, this is just...I've been wondering for years about one of the Hawke sibling becoming the Hero of Ferelden...time to start reading!
| V-rcingetorix chapter 13 . 11/29/2015
You got a good, angry Carver. He's not petulant, or snide ... just tired. Frankly, that's how I feel when Finals are coming on ... about now ... good thing I have some fic to read and relax with :)
SpaG, excellent as always.
Plot adjustments ... interesting. Alistair is attempting to avoid the throne (in character), but Anora is very whiny. I mean, she was pretty wimpy in-game, but here she's *very* annoying. Hard to believe she was the power behind Cailen's throne ... looking forward to your interpretation of later.
Keep up the good work!
| V-rcingetorix chapter 12 . 11/21/2015
There's one POV swap with the Zevran gong incident; somehow, we are privy to what Morrigan is thinking/feeling. Yes, Zev is a moron for hitting a gong like that, but I'd assume thoughts would stay mental.
Otherwise, excellent. A bit odd in how Alistair is taking charge of the other side missions, but you effectively took out the Elf and Dwarf missions without making it feel contrived.
SpaG, excellent. There's an extra quotes set in the "Quick turnaround." segment, but that's not too big of an issue.
Carver is a bit clueless. Morrigan has been very pragmatic, honest to a fault, really. Sure some things have taken a bit of persuading, but has there really been any one thing she's never told Carver? "Leave me while you have a chance ..."
Given Carver's temper, and the value he places on family - to the point of never speaking of them to close friends - I can only imagine a very, VERY angry Carver in the near future. To abandon family ... well, he did once (in DA2), but only after watching a sister die, get given the short end of the stick for years, and left behind for months on end. Depending on how you play, of course. But the point is, he's loyal, and would probably take betrayal deeply.
I know you're done with this story already, but you might want to keep that in mind. It's just my opinion though; like a pretzel, it's better when taken with a grain of salt.
Keep up the good work!
| Judy chapter 12 . 11/21/2015
| V-rcingetorix chapter 11 . 11/19/2015
Was that ... a Mass Effect joke? A Reaper in the Andraste cavern? *visions of Hock's vault ...* Love it. Even if it's unintentional.
The dead Havenites seemed a little ... convenient. As did the lack of door checking; I mean, half of the game was rummaging through stuff, and finding Revenant caches here and there. Granted, it wasn't the most entertaining portion of the game, but it added a lot of depth to it. Just my impression, take it for what it's worth.
Spelling/grammar, excellent. No comments needed :)
Improvements ... the story is conversation driven, which is actually fine by me. Going into more depth would be nice, but I'm getting the feeling this tale isn't quite in the same deep-epic manner that the game was originally. There were a couple sections where more description could have been added, but frankly I didn't see them as 'gaps' per se; more like missed opportunities.
The pillars were very good; adding in the hall descriptions was excellent. My question: was it cold? Did dust circle the hero's motions?
That's the only complaint I can make there; sorry my criticism isn't a bit more :(
Glad you're feeling better, and keep up the good work!