|Reviews for Warden|
| Judy chapter 11 . 11/13/2015
| SSVSKYRIM chapter 10 . 11/6/2015
The character interactions remain the strongest part of this fic so far. Still enjoying the changed by the circumstances Warden!Carver. Looking forward to next chapter, hope you feel better/the surgery has no complications and have a nice day!
| A Very Thirsty Megalomaniac chapter 10 . 11/6/2015
Just here to say that I am still reading this, and I hope you are feeling better.
(I don't have any crit, either, beyond the breakneck pace of this fic being a little disoriented at times.)
| SSVSkyrim chapter 9 . 11/2/2015
I love what you've done with this fic so far. It's rare to find fics dedicated solely to Carver so-well written and I'm enjoying seeing how you take him through the Fifth Blight. Will he be the warden for Awakenings? Who knows; but I'm glad of the ride so far.
| Guest chapter 9 . 11/1/2015
me gusta carver es un personaje muy maltratado la gente no lo aprecia pero tu as visto mi punto vista sobre el tuve que jugar dos veces al dragon age 2 para apreciarlo. y leer barios fill sobre el la saga de gris de domingrin sobre el me encanto su forma de ser es como la tuyo un personaje con sus males pero si lo conoces lo aprecias los hermanos hawker son gran desperdicio de dragon age 2 debieron tener un dlc mas protagonismo tanto bretania y carver eran geniales cada uno por sus diferentes formas de ser dragon age 2 fue una chapuza con unos maravillosos pj maltratados por el juego una historia daba para mas echo menos ami fanfarrona arrogante y apaleada marian tan jodia pero siempre capaz de sacar una sonrisa . sigue asi me gusta mucho a carver y morrigan hacen una gran pareja si no se matan en un choque de egos je je esto vas incluir otros origuenes mas. adeu
| Guest chapter 9 . 10/30/2015
It's so rare to find such a story as this. I might find Carver a little...weird at times, but you've written this magnificently. I'm also enjoying the romance, the development of Morrigan's character was done well, in my opinion. I openly laughed at the "comes in threes" part, that Hawke luck is going strong! I hope you update soon and don't abandon this, it's one of the most enjoyable DA fics I've read that doesn't feel...tedious.
-your loyal follower
| V-rcingetorix chapter 9 . 10/30/2015
Good pacing on this chapter. It felt slightly fast in the latter half, but that's just my own preferences, I believe.
There is one minor quibble; of whom is Leliana referring when she shouts: "Did we lose him?"
In context, it's easy to see they're worried about Carver, but to facilitate the mood, could Zev be shouting back to her? Maybe, though, it's the POV; could Carver see her running forward?
Speaking of Zev, excellent banter. It falls completely within character, and adds so much to the story.
Keep up the good work!
| Scyth3 chapter 8 . 10/21/2015
This story is good. Enjoy a different take of how DA Origins actually went, with Carver along the ride.
However I get the feel that you are trying to rush the story along, sacrificing much of character interaction and character building.
Another point is that DA, with a huge portion of it involving battles, I'd expect a more thorough play by play of the action scenes but it's just mostly blasted through and quite summarized.
Other than that it's pretty alright and I am definitely looking forward to the next update.
| A Very Thirsty Megalomaniac chapter 8 . 10/13/2015
Aside from possibly missing a "that" in "the huge monster was not faster than it was" (I think the sentence is fine, but a "that" would make it less awkward sounding) I didn't see any errors.
Anywho, Carver somehow mistakes Morrigan being uncomfortable kissing him again after discussing killing her mother to be... because she didn't really like him. Not because he just promised to kill her mother, which even Morrigan is a little shaken by. Oh Carver. You morose little shit.
I always liked the fight at the top of the Mage tower. The material rewards sucked, but the fight actually felt climactic and explosive. I don't get that here. I don't really know whatever they were fighting looks like. What effect is Carver's constant slicing and hacking having? What is he slicing and hacking at? I would like more detail, please.
Due to the way this is structured, you may have a hard time characterizing Wynne, or getting time in for her own plots. With Leliana and Zevran I don't think this is as difficult, as they write themselves to some extent (props to Zevran's dialogue, again) but Wynne is perfectly happy sitting in the back of the party and being the most powerful member of it. What was she doing in the Fade sequence? Did you forget about her?
The highlight of this fic is still the dialogue and character interactions. You have a real knack for writing the snarkier characters (Zevran, Alistair, Morrigan, Carver when he's not being a morose little shite) but it seems to come at the expense of less snarky but still interesting characters ending up being unmemorable. Hence Leliana, Niamh, and Wynne fading into the background. I personally don't mind this terribly much, and it could just be my opinion, but I am wondering if this was the intent? I'm perfectly fine as is.
Still enjoying this immensely. Keep posting on Fridays, and I hope you are feeling well. If not well, than at least better.
| V-rcingetorix chapter 8 . 10/9/2015
The only thing that stuck out at me as being odd here was how Carver automatically tries to kiss Morrigan at the hotel. Um, Inn. Hostel/bar/tavern? Never been able to decide what that place was. Anyway, when Morrigan kisses him on the boat, there's a little lead-time, almost a pause if you will, and Carver gives the sense of awkwardness. By comparison, he acts as if he knows exactly what he's doing at the second attempt, which doesn't exactly match up.
However, the rest is very, very good. You incorporated a lot of descriptive imagery here, which I appreciate. "Writhing mass of flesh and despair" ... "moonlight creeping through the windows." There could be more, but you have a good balance between dialogue and description now, I think.
One other thing I liked about this chapter was how Morrigan's words 'sounded' like her. I think it's the ( 'Tis ) opening statement; I hadn't realized she used that so often, somewhat archaic english if I'm reviewing correctly? Logical enough for an archaic mage-practitioner.
Keep up the good work!
| A Very Thirsty Megalomaniac chapter 7 . 10/4/2015
I think First Enchanter should be capitalized as so, and doesn't need a hyphen (I think.) Also, you're inconsistent on the capitalization.
There's a space in "alright" (spelled as al right) and you have "you're" instead of "you've" (though I can no longer find it...)
Zevran and Morrigan sniping at each other is bang on. The line about Morrigan being offended by "civility" was great.
Carver and Morrigan's relationship continues to develop. I am honestly wondering what she must be thinking about Carver's ideal dream. Will she sympathize about his interesting relationship with his family? Or will she be unimpressed? One thing I will note as interesting is that Carver's and Alistair's dreams are very similar - they both want to be part of a proper, loving family. Alistair's is more based on there being a family to begin with, while Carver's is about not having the Hawkes split up and being treated more favorably than he was in life. Still... interesting.
How could you have us miss out on that insane Templar on the pier? Carroll, right? That lunatic has brought me many laughs, though Sten bribing him with cookies is still my favorite version of that scenario.
Not much to say. Lena's cameo was odd. Short, but I'm guessing it's setup for story down the road. I personally loathe the Hawkes (mostly because I hate Dragon Age 2) but I like the idea of a series that focuses on the myriad members as they cut their way through the world. Some became refugees, some became apostates, some became Gray Wardens... I like this idea.
I'm getting used to the pacing, on a final note. Carver just cuts through the crap and gets people to tell him what they want, and to do as he says. He makes a good choice of protagonist for this kind of truncated version of DA:O.
| V-rcingetorix chapter 7 . 10/2/2015
Having Morrigan as the chief actor in the dream sequence is a good move. When the protagonist isn't a mage, why would he be able to go through the dream world so easily?
One issue here are the quick changes in conversation. Lena's speech is over inside of a single paragraph, despite the buildup from over 3 chapters. She also doesn't seem particularly interested in talking to Carver ... or his obviously apostate companion. If she were trying to stay free, why wouldn't she try to get some tips?
The conversation in the dream sequence feels a little choppy too. That is understandable, though, since it is a dream sequence. What really makes sense in a dream? Or feels like it does? The pain for trying to remember truth is a good touch though; excellent reason why victims would avoid remembering reality.
Zeveran and Leliana, eh? Interesting combination.
One thing I did like was the description of the row across the lake. Carver getting tired and grumpy, forcing four people across a large body of water with nothing but his arms to propel them ... lol. Zeveran's quip is very well done; you have his badinage down pat.
Keep up the good work!
| A Very Thirsty Megalomaniac chapter 6 . 9/28/2015
You have "Any why I should care" instead of "And." I also saw missing quotation marks for the line "We will be back shortly."
Aside from that... this is really breakneck plotting. My issue with it is that characters are getting introduced continually without really getting to know them. Here we have Isolde, Connor, and Zevran all introduced in a rush. And it's not a Dragon Age fic if you cannot hear in your head the GRATING, SCREECHING, HEINOUSLY FAKE French accent of Isolde.
I also have to note my frustration at following one of the weakest moral dilemmas in Origins. Choosing to save the kid is... not a good idea. Leaving a tremendously powerful abomination alone for a great length of time should cause more tension than a bit of nail-biting among his relatives. That Bioware gave us that copout was disgraceful. That you're following up on it is disappointing, and I would say even a bit OOC of Carver. It would feel just like him to kill the kid while bitterly hating both himself and everyone who questioned him at the same time. But I am inherently biased; as far as I am concerned, the Mage/Templar conflict basically ruined the setting as a whole, turning Bioware's "Dark Fantasy" into "Indecisive and Occasionally Pretentious High Fantasy." So this part of the story was always going to attract my ire.
You're still doing a fabulous job with the character's line, however. You nailed Zevran here. Ridiculously awesome.
| Inclassandbored chapter 6 . 9/26/2015
Yeah I've been reading, and enjoying your story so far. I usually picture Carver with Merrill, if anyone, but I love your idea of him and Morrigan sitting at their fire trash talking the rest of the party!
| rannadylin chapter 6 . 9/25/2015
I'm still reading and enjoying it! Carver makes such a good warden. His interactions with the companions are so different from how my wardens usually get along with them, but so fitting for Carver.