Reviews for As God Is My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly
midnightsnapdragon chapter 2 . 2/26
A few times you have Sailor Pluto using her Time Staff for decidedly not-senshi-duty-related stuff, like exhuming a canister of something and hacking through a rubber tyre. All in the service of the Greater Good, right? ;) I love your Setsuna! Also, thank you very much for addressing the feeling of "staring down the barrel of a thousand years of blissful togetherness" because it always sounded like a nightmare to me and I wondered why no one ever brought it up.

Part Fifteen - their first escape attempt - hilarious. Brain sloshing around in his skull. The spinning of a transformation sending them several metres into the air. The chaos of a double transformation in very close quarters.

Part Seventeen - the footnote about Rei getting the equivalent of late-night infomercials if she reads the fire at unimportant times is so funny, so precious. I think that you wring the most possible humour out of this universe, you truly explore its dramatic and humorous potential.

Part Eighteen - THE ORWELLIAN ASPECTS OF CHRISTMAS. OH MY GOD.

Part Twenty - I swear I cackled like a mad witch when I read your footnote. Presenting the whole convenient alleyway thing, in a universe populated with magical girls and caped crusaders, as a law of fiction is GENIUS. The cherry-on-top of this sundae of a fanfiction.

Part Twenty-Five - aka the sarcastic invocation of movie plot tradition. I am not quite sure what to say, except ... you put The Thing in words. That is all.

Part Twenty-Eight - Bonus points for comical yet fitting visuals: e.g. "the turkey continued its flaming arc across the Tokyo skyline." I like that things are falling into place, truly in Time Lord Style - namely, Sailor Pluto saving the world while preparing a Christmas dinner. All in a day's work for Sailor Pluto, eh? And oh. my. stars. Dramatic Irony is vanquished ... because Setsuna paid attention in literature class.

I effing love this story.

Post Script:
TURNS OUT THAT THE CREEPY OLD GUY NEXT DOOR *IS* THE SERIAL KILLER WANTED IN FIVE STATES! Just as you pre-ordained in the foreword of this story! Oh my stars, I was howling with laughter. And when Sailor Pluto pulls the turkey practically out of a top hat and every one just goes. dead silent. and ghastly pale. And the conversation that follows is one that can only happen in a group of magical heroes with varying personalities who just had a near-death experience with demonic poultry. And poor Setsuna bursts into tears! Poor lady, she DID pull everything off perfectly.

Let me reiterate: I. EFFING. LOVE. THIS. STORY.
midnightsnapdragon chapter 1 . 2/26
The foreword ALONE was hilarious. You have a Dry Sense Of Humour which convinces me that five minutes spent in your company would be more than enough to brighten up the day. The way you described Christmas (and the *addition* tacked on to the end) were On Point and tickled just right.

Part One - Sailor Pluto's prologue - had me laughing out loud. It really did. I love the thought of her as a little mischievous, keeping her fingers crossed while making a promise and all, and the imagery of the 'cat's cradle' of silver threads was perfect. And then, The Golden Cord of Inevitability. The idea is GREAT, and her reaction to it is even better: "the last time she'd seen one the little bastards was right before the fall of Silver Millenium" - ahahahahaha. It's a very satisfying, though brief, glimpse into the point of view of someone eternal and eternally meddling like Sailor Pluto.

Part Two - "Rubicon has been crossed." "Although Rei was the only true psychic in the group, literary convention allows any or all major characters to receive vague presentiments of doom when things are about to start circling the drain." BAHAHAHAHA! Circling the drain. I don't care where you got that, your own head or somewhere else, it is so precious.

Part Six - oh my gosh, Makoto drawing a TRENCH with freaking BARBED WIRE because she will absolutely /not/ have the horrid orange gelatin dish at her culinary table, no sirree. And I actually BURST OUT LAUGHING when I read "what on earth could possibly go wrong?" and the author's note that if a 'prescient historian' would have been nearby, that sentence would have gone down in history just like the ill-fated Titanic one and the interrupted elephant sentence, which sent me into a fresh gale of laughter. Honestly, I love the way you narrate this - always with dry humour, like a world-weary person telling a half-funny half-tragic story at a bar, kind of like Lemony Snicket. And always portentous of doom - as in, "Pluto considered calling Minako and telling her not to pull the lever" being reminiscent of "don't push the big red button". You keep Doomsday on the back burner and never let us forget it's there.

Part Eight - I love Minako and the "guilty-as-hell quaver of her voice that chilled Makoto to the very depths of her soul" because GODDAMNIT MINAKO you're like a kid who blows up the house when ma and pa turn their backs! And your *addition* made me laugh, not surprisingly, how Sailor Pluto wished to avoid a future in which Usagi and Haruka found an empire of rap music.

Part Nine - the imagery of what Mamoru imagines the others thought of his childhood Christmases had me cackling. "Bull-dog faced matrons hurling bits of cabbage into a crowd of snarling feral children" - how do you come up with this golden stuff, I'd like to know? 3 3 And the jewelery bags shooting out of the turkey as if out of a cannon, and the SMUGGLING JEWELS (I see everything falling into place! You genius, you!), and their heroic poetic speeches interrupted. (Much more realistic than the anime, I think.) I once read a short story for English called "Lamb to Slaughter" or something in which a meek housewife kills her husband by hitting him over the head with a frozen leg of lamb. Coincidence?

In other words: you are a blessing to the fanfiction world. I have enjoyed this chapter very much. Also, the title of this story is utter perfection.
zeitoon chapter 2 . 8/26/2016
Absolutely hilarious :). And even though I'm reviewing this more than a decade later, I would love to read an AU where Haruka and Usagi run off to America (and maybe Setsuna trying once again to stop this from happening).
Seth22 chapter 2 . 11/9/2014
I died. This was hilarious and masterful,
EnjoyingYourFic chapter 2 . 4/15/2014
My favorite SM fanfic. Hilarious, and everyone in character (more or less). Complete with hygiene lesson at the end. Should have more readers and reviews - some people are missing out!
Guest chapter 1 . 11/11/2013
This story... my God.
Crosswood chapter 2 . 8/26/2013
Alas, reviewing a story over a decade old would seem to be a touch late to the game. In this case however, the story is so genuinely, cleverly funny that it would be churlish to not drop a bottle into the ocean just in case the author fishes it out.

And it is very funny. The footnotes especially; there is a touch of Prachett about them, what with them referencing narrative conventions. Alas, for FF net's terrible formatting system! My favourite, if I might venture, had to be the explanation of Crystal Detroit. After that footnote the story was coloured by a lingering sadness that Setsuna wasn't keen on a future of fast cars, large hair, and inexplicable rap. Regardless, the plot smoothly flows from point to point, leaving the reader laughing as the carnage unfolds.

Technically, it is a tightly written work. I am unsure if other reviewers have commented on the way in which this story references the future, ties into the past, and then weaves into the chronological “as we read” present – but it does and the control is superb. Each section builds from or into other sections, with an economy of prose to be envied. Nothing is purple or overdone.

I have read this several times, and it remains one of my favourite short-stories in any genre. Thank you for writing this, and leaving it here for others to enjoy.

Ps. I bet that Turkey was ridiculously delicious.
LC chapter 2 . 3/18/2013
Bravo to your imagination!
That here is one hell of a story!
Absolutely loved it!
tomorrow4eva chapter 2 . 2/24/2013
So funny! That is beautiful. I adored the info message at the end! More practical then many of the real ones.
My-Crazy-Awesome-Sox chapter 2 . 1/1/2013
That was the most rediculous most hilarious most in character crack fic I have ever read. Bravo!
Blaze Kou chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
Love it! Halarious, ironic, and I've never heard of Sets crying or running off. Wait... right before Michi and Ruka took her and Hotaru's star seeds. The only one time I've EVER hated Haruka. Speaking of Haruka, loved the part abou of Sets told Mina how the self-cleaning oven worked, it would have resulted in Usa and Ruka running away and founding Crystal Detroit. Id like to know how THAT happens. Again, love the story!
Wolf Goddess Reyith chapter 2 . 5/21/2011
Hmm, I could have sworn I'd reviewed this story already... How odd. Anyway, I have to say, this is probably one of the best-written and witty stories I've ever read on this site. It had my smiling constantly, and actually laughing out loud several times.

I just have one question, though. When Usagi transforms, shouldn't it be "Moon ETERNAL Make-Up", instead of "Moon CRYSTAL Make-Up"? She hasn't used the Crystal transformation phrase in two or three seasons.
Mr CJ chapter 2 . 2/20/2011
...Just to get this straight, Sailor Pluto, Really Important Timey-Wimey Ball Manager Person, cooked a turkey for her friend's Christmas dinner (which she intentionally sabotaged) through use of demonic possession, marinade injections, MANY galleons of high grade petroleum, collateral damage and a fishing net. And she did it to save the world.

You, sir, are both a genius, and completely insane. Sit back and relax, you have just achieved nirvana.
Revlid chapter 2 . 10/5/2010
what is this i don't even

Overused memetic responses aside, it's criminal that this story doesn't have more reviews. Absolutely hilarious. I'm not even that much of a Sailor Moon fan, and I was giggling like a maniac, seriously disconcerting my room-mate (and anyone else who happened to look in the window and see a guy in a cowboy hat cackling manically to himself, I imagine).

I must express particular appreciation for the Hitchcock bit. That was both excellent and righteous, and I take my hat off.

Thanks for the great read!

-Revlid
sun tzu1 chapter 2 . 8/9/2010
That was magnificently funny. Gleefully favorited!
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