Oh highly enjoying. Can't wait to see what happens from here Happy Thanksgiving

Hey! I like your story, very fun and interesting. You've got a good piece going, and with some polishing and a little guidance it would be a great piece! But I agree with the previous poster, it does have a little problem with build up/areas of focus. You could really make your work shine by placing more emphasis on the people rather than necessarily just what they are doing. I'm sure that you can do it! And while I like that Sarah has a close friend in this, "the sassy gay best friend" can be a hurtful trope-a caricature of real people. Keep working at it! You're getting there!
(I really hope that this wasn't mean or that you take this harshly, because I really meant it purely as constructive and to be helpful!)

I really have enjoyed the mystery of your story so far and it's been fun to have a little suspenseful fic that's ongoing. You have some great ideas, but I also think that your story could benefit from some variance in sentence structure to help the flow. Rather than just ones that begin with 'the' or 'she' or 'he', if you played with the starts and where you place sections of the sentence you can create a lot of interest and fluency in your writing. I really want to see where this heads!

I like the idea behind this story, dark bogie creature? Lovely, and there are some really nice details.
However, I do think there is a little too much focus on unimportant information and not a lot of emotional imput or build up
ie) Attention to Jareth putting away the chinese.
Jareth and Sarah's kiss is somewhat out of no where, and how is she okay with randomly being kissed and staying in the same room ( Sleeping in the same bed!) with him but scared witless of somethiing a bit dark and creepy... the seduction is kinda lacking.
Good effort though, please stick with it.

Really great story so far; fantastically written as well. Can't wait for more!

Nice story I look forward to seeing what happens

I like the story so far and I love Reese :).

Jareth must had something to do with that peach also I'm guessing that the dog is almost like Jareth but is a dog.

I'm happy that someone decided to put a little yaoi in one of these stories for once can't wait to read more update soon!

Nice. Very intriguing beginning! I like Reese