Reviews for Hand-Me-Down Ranma -- A Good Fit? |
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![]() ![]() ![]() This one was heartbreaking. Ukyou has long been my favorite of the girls in this series. I think you really did her justice here. I've never been a huge fan of Shampoo because of how ruthless she and her grandmother can be, and I always figured it would end in a fight with the Amazons. It's a little strange to see so little from Akanes perspective, especially when she's as deep in things as anyone here. My biggest disappointment with the anime was that it never really let the characters grow after season 1 or so, and just turned into a Happosai-centric hijinks of the week show. So I really love to see stories that really flesh out these characters I love and treat the quagmire they're in seriously. I'm really enjoying seeing the world through Nabiki's eyes in all of this, and I'm looking forward to her and Akane really having a big talk. Nabiki Is very bad ass in this story. The way she defended Rama at school and how she tried to make Ukyou happy. I saw your note about a section from another point of view, but I can't find it. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I am absolutely loving this! At first I thought things might have been moving a bit too quickly, but I'm glad that things have slowed down and Nabiki is doing some actual introspection. I'm really appreciating that you treat the Tendos like actual characters and not just the usual caricatures they usually are. I adore when Nabiki is given actual personality and drive beyond money. Her talk with Soun was fantastic, and I'm really loving the buildup of Ranma and Nabiki's relationship. I'm excited to continue the story as I appear to not even be halfway through it at the moment! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Nice story from her point of view |
![]() ![]() I really like this idea. Ranma needs someone to help him get a direction in his life and Nabiki LOVES plans. Match made in Heaven. |
![]() ![]() ![]() That was a long ride! A good one at that! Thank you for writing it. |
![]() ![]() ![]() you make a good point. this is wonderful. thank you. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Yo! I just read your request, so here is my cup of tea. I'm more of a fan of the omniscient view, it gives the writer more leeway, but the way you handle things from the character's view is great. I'll have to try it at some point. The story itself is clean and simple, but at the same time complex, the emotions are top-notch. If you ask me this is one of your strong suits. I'll certainly try to incorporate smells in my own stuff in the future. The way you describe simple movements is great. Especially in romantic scenes. Same goes for the fight scene between Nabiki and Kodachi. The way you used Nabiki's thoughts to break up the fight, brilliant. It was a neat idea, kept everything easy to follow. The only negative I can say that some sections need a bit of a cleanup. At times the positioning of characters is hard to understand. But hey this is a fanfic there is no editorial team to rely on. Aside from that, it's good stuff. I certainly can learn a lot from you, so thanks for that! :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() Thank you for this beautiful story. It's good to read such a well written and thoughtful tale. Keep it up! :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() There are no words that are adequate to describe the absolute masterpiece of a story this is. I really can't come up with any that are good. The handling of the characters was masterful, and despite the fic being from Nabiki's perspective the whole time, every single one of the characters got their chance to shine through. The emotions portrayed through the writing were very powerful, giving a solid glimpse into Nabiki's head no matter what was going on, and I feel it fluidly captured everything, from her fears to her thoughts. The only criticism I have is of the Chinese being used. Some of the phrasings are a bit awkward, but in general, to most readers, I feel it doesn't matter anyway. Regardless, the small volume of Chinese being used is hardly enough to detract from the overall strengths of the fic. I wish you well in your future projects, and all the best with your novel. |
![]() ![]() ![]() This fic is already quite old, but I couldn't resist offering some help with the translations, since Chinese is my first language. They're all quite clunky, but mostly grammatically correct, but I assume you used Google Translate. However, number 7 in particular is completely off. It suggests the opposite of what you mean. A better translation would be “不,如果我们杀了他爱的人,他永远、永远都不会爱我。" |
![]() ![]() ![]() This is good,lots of novel or particularly some of the fanfic that I have read sometimes feels like the authors are narcissistically rambling on their own subjective opinions , to me it kind of force and does the story harm. But your story have balance and its good to read. Good job |
![]() ![]() You have taken the characters and situations of a Three Stooges sort of rom-com and built a novel about two-thirds the size of War and Peace. Your characterizations have been stronger and fuller than what they came from. It was too long; I merely skimmed the last three chapters; but novels I haven't the patience to read seem all the style now. It was better than the work of some paid authors I've read. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I can imagine nabiki and her team of friends being a tanker crew for an armored division it is awesome! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Fue una historia bastante larga, pero hermosa y puedo decir que me gustó todo, talvez hubiera querido un epílogo, pero de todos modos gracias. Hermosa historia. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Cont, from previous review- 4. "Connections" - Nabiki and Riko's powers over people are handled well. The army assisting them not as a thing Nabiki handled as a "favor", but as a thing the Tendo family as a whole was owed as a debt was... masterfully done. Had it been just another one of Nabiki's connections, that would have been a bit... eh?, but it being because of their samurai lineage was acceptable. Nabiki's other connections being enough to get her into a restaurant here and there was handled as well and realistically, even if we're kept in the dark as to the origins of most of her connections. The way the crowd assisted in supporting Ranma, simply because he was Nabiki's fiance and friend, was also quite beautiful when compared to canon. But the connection that was handled the best, I think, was Ranma's connection to the CEO. Because that's /so like him/ and it was understood from the start. He was calling someone to get him something he was told, but not out of greed, just out of the understanding that he wasn't prepared to get those kinds of things on his own. And he even /offered to pay for it/, and that's just... Accurate. It's how Ranma really is and it's written well. The only thing that could have made it better is if Nabiki over heard Ranma complaining over the phone to the guy about getting something so expensive like that, but appreciating it all the same. It'd be pretty cute to Nabs, I'm sure. 5. Ranma - Ranma is... complicated. I've given my grievances about his female form already, but that's honestly not a major point as it's still him, regardless of form. It's his emotions that complicate him, but while he's complicated, he's also... beautifully understandable. He's socially inept, but not an idiot. He bounces off of Nabiki will throughout most of the story and doesn't rush things past his comfort zone, except for when he /really/ is about to lose it. Which mostly happens against the Amazons. Yes, there are times where he acts like a total jerk. The silent treatment thing after Ukyo was one of them, and he does do things here and there that just makes people angry... But he's understandable. I kind of wish he thought things out a bit more to show his intelligence; the common trope of him treating everything like a kata or something usually works. However... I think the way Akane spells it out is what makes him such a well written character here. We only see things from Nabiki's perspective, so things tend to spiral out of control in the way we view Ranma through her anxiety, but when he's /really there/ as a person, as Nabiki sees him for who he truly is and isn't blinded by a raging dragon inside... He's listening. He may not understand everything, but as Akane said, he's really listening to Nabiki. Really wanting to know her and embrace her and he's always excited to see her in almost every scene. He wants to be with her and that's something we don't get to actually /hear/ from him, but instead /feel/ through Nabiki's perspective of his actions. The fact that he's written in a way that allows this to be conveyed to the reader, despite never getting any real insight on what he's thinking, is very good. But ultimately, what makes Ranma great... is Nabiki. The connection she has with him throughout the story brings out his best and they constantly flip roles. From teasing, to /being/ teased. From tricking, to being tricked. From Nabiki ordering him to kill, to keeping him /from/ killing. It's ... a good relationship built up between the two. While the added perspective of Ranma's side of things would add more clarity to a lot of scenes, Nabiki's perspective doesn't really subtract from the things they share throughout the story. In a way, that's one positive to them not being fully involved with Riko's antics during those scenes; because it means they're just kind of cuddling off screen the whole time and that's cute. They fit together wonderfully. Never did get pet names for each other, though. Nabs is usually the go-to for Ranma's pet name for Nabiki, but Ran-Chan would be painful for Nabs to use... Since Ukyo used that. Maybe Ma-Chan? Hmm... 6. The Last - The last positive thing I feel I should rant about is the /way/ the story is told as a whole. While there are bits and pieces that come out of left field, it is ultimately written with the understanding of what Ranma's universe is like. What relationships are like. How friends can drift apart, become even closer, and be misunderstood with each other. How people can be hurting without even really realizing what's wrong until it all comes out on its own. Once the dam breaks and the feelings come flooding out... I think that's the real point where I felt like I truly understood this story. Re-reading it with the context of Nabiki's break down would probably make a lot of the subtext a lot more understandable. Honestly, that should probably be in neutrals as a positive and negative, as it leads to the beginning of the story lacking a lot of needed context to feel... fully there. Kind of like missing the context to a reference, or something, which can lead to some people dropping off the story early, as I did. However, I don't want to do that, because ultimately my feelings towards this story are entirely positive. Yes, there are some things that it could have done without, but no story is perfect. No person is perfect. That's what makes it interesting. The story breathes on its own now, but you're the one that gave it life to begin with. You're the one that wove together the strands of a novel... and I thank you for it. The way things were moved here and there with an understanding of how people really act and feel, without putting down their emotions as simple anime nonsense, was well done. While the conflict with the Amazons was still rather idiotic on their part, it was still understandable in the same way that Shampoo's pride kept her from acting out, up until someone was actually about to die. It was a wonderful story, with a solid, yet open, ending. The only major complaint... is that it was a bit rushed or "shoehorned" as some would put it. I wouldn't mind more, but I understand the need to move onto your own, original content instead. I hope your novel has been selling well and wish you all the luck. At the very least, I'm sure you've improved since writing this story, so I'm sure you're doing fine. Thank you hand me down. It's a beautiful fit, and I hope the next one fits just as well. Happy writing! ~Yasha-HebiHime |