Reviews for Preludes
Alexa Hiwatari chapter 3 . 3/7/2012
wow incredible is there some more?
Knight's Shadow chapter 3 . 11/16/2003
A very awesome story.
Uchiha Mira chapter 3 . 8/28/2003
Wow... Sh33p... I'm speechless.

This fic was just so... heck, I don't know how to describe it! I felt like I wasn't reliving the Bardock movie at all, it was completely different, and I loved it. You poured so many emotions into this, it was amazing.

I think what struck me most was the intensity. All the way through, the story was CHARGED with it. The suspense of it all kept me racing through each chapter; just reading the first one definitely wasn't enough!

And I loved the descriptions of the carnage! Bwa ha ha... Ladies and Gents, I have found my twin! Someone who apparently loves writing BLOOD! YES! All the scenes of massacre, battle, etc... they gave me shivers! So... much... blood... yummy...

*ahem* Yes... heh heh heh... I'll stop now.

Anyway, all in all, amazing.

~Mira
Leia chapter 3 . 8/22/2003
There is too damn much to talk about in a review, and I'm too winded after this to do it. Damn, boy! You sure know how to pack a lot of action, emotion, twists, and knowledge into a 3-chaptered story. Sweet damn!

I'm floored. Absolutely and utterly. Um. ... *scratches head* Read Dora's review, that's about what my response was. Only hers is better, so just read it again and don't bother with my rambling.

A few techncial errors, but del and Crash already pointed 'em out. Geez.

~Leia
cameoappearance chapter 3 . 8/9/2003
...

WOW.

*dances around* Wow! I loved this! This last chapter was absolutely excellent, so much tension and adrenaline and everything... and I love how you ended it with Brolli, too. GREAT FIC! *still dancing around* Loved the name puns too, hehe. Wowowowowow. Had me sitting on the edge of my seat, yep! -

Ah, very good! Glad I finally picked up something of yours! -

~Chrystaline
cameoappearance chapter 2 . 8/9/2003
*low whistle* Wo! :P I like, I like - You do descriptions and emotions extrememly well, Sh33p... very cool, very cool :)

I like the whole Brolli thing you put in there, too... very interesting, and again, I don't know if that actually happened in the special because i haven't seen it... *sob*

Plus, I like Bardock, so that makes this story better -

Next chapter... next chapter...

~Chrystaline
cameoappearance chapter 1 . 8/9/2003
M... very fascinating. I can't believe I didn't pick up your works sooner, you know that? I haven't actually seen the Bardock special thing (I'm so deprived *sob*) so I don't know what's actually there and what you made up... but still! -;; I love the way you write, and the only critism I have for this chapter is that I was a bit confused from time to time on who was speaking. Otherwise, great chapter, and I'm off to read the next...

~Chrystaline
The Rev chapter 1 . 8/9/2003
Holy god... I'm trying to remembver why I haven't read this yet. This is good, very good. Interesting twist, having not only Bardock but the other two as well end up seeing the future... I can't even remember the last time I saw one of Bardock's crew in a fic in any sort of role other than ebing blasted to nothing in about ten seconds. Good stuff.

I'm gonna get booted off the computer in a minute, but I'll be back later to read the rest, count on it.

Rev.
Bucky chapter 3 . 8/9/2003
You know, for being a guy, you do one helluva job with emotions, my friend. This really pulled me in when Celipha was saving the boys (being a mom of two very small boys, it even made my eyes sting for a second, there!)

-

Get closer to the thrill

Only time will kill

What's in your eyes

Is so alive

-

That gave me goosebumps. This is very good. And it was so selfless and heroic for Celipha to throw Radditz in the pod as well. Almost makes you feel for the kid. You write the Saiyans very naturally.

This is a great story. It is. Goin on my favs. It's been a pleasure to read! Now if you'd just finish it.
Bucky chapter 2 . 8/9/2003
WOW! You're going to follow the lives of their kids, huh?

I haven't seen the Brolli special, but I like how you're roping him into this.

Very intense. And that Kanassan's words throughout it definitely give it a doomsday vibe.
Bucky chapter 1 . 8/9/2003
O_O

You write very well, Sh33p. Seriously. Your phrasing is tight, your dialogue is smart, and your subject matter is hella cool. What a great story to tell! Bardock!

I really got a good feel of companions. You did a good job at showing their introspection in a distinct enough way that I could tell them apart.

I can feel Bardock's panic... VERY nice material, my friend.

(sorry for being so late. Worked my ass off this week)
deleria chapter 3 . 8/6/2003
Aw, crap. Guess I was wrong about those three gorwing up together, eh? Oh, well!

So this fic was a prequel to Hybrid Theory, hmm? Looks like I'm going to have to check that one out sometime... ~_

Great work, Sh33p!
Sawnya chapter 3 . 8/6/2003
Ah, glad you explained about the extra names such as Breh, To, and Kerim; I was wondering. So, all three boys made it to their destination, and I felt sorry for Raditz and Brolli most of all, I think.

I like the settings you created or added to; the extra details brought everything to life. The anguish and agony of everyone could be felt, and I could see everything happening, almost as if I was there myself.

Another great story, and I think this is better than the Bardock saga. )
deleria chapter 2 . 8/6/2003
Oh... Kakarot, Brolli AND Raditz... now THAT'S an interesting combination. Those three growing up together...

Hm... excellent concept there, Sh33p.
deleria chapter 1 . 8/6/2003
Interesting retelling of the Bardock Special. I like how the entire team shares the same curse. Very interesting (and original).

There were some technical problems with your writing. There are a few run-on sentences in this fic as well as several instances of two or more characters speaking in the same paragraph, etc.

In some of the run-on sentences, I get the feel that you're so into what you are trying to describe that you forget that you're saying all this stuff in ONE sentence.

For example: "Getting us a nightlight," Bardock replied smoothly, flinging the collected energy out of his hand and sending it skyward before letting loose with a faster, weaker bit of energy, this time in the form of a thin, precise beam, which struck the first blast perfectly once it made it into the clouds, literally blasting open a gaping hole in the blackness of the sky to display the full moon of the planet.

That can easily be broken up into three, maybe four sentences.

Another example: "Ill never get the hang of that," Celipa complained dryly, fixing her scouter back into place. "That makes two of us... Sometimes I can remember bits and pieces of it all, but most of the time its like a dream. Ill remember most of it for a little while and then completely forget," Totepo replied. "I only remember the little bastard who gave me this... Ossna damn thing itches like hell," Panboukin grumbled his way into the conversation, scratching at the open cut on his cheek with annoyance.

Each character should have their own paragraph for when they speak. It makes it easier for the reader to follow the action. Otherwise, the reader will stumble, etc.

I know it's picky and all that, but bad formatting and/or grammar, etc. can make a well-thought-out story look... well... lazy. It's pretty obvious you put a lot of thought into this story, but when I read it... I don't know, it just feels rushed. Like you wanted to get the chapter up ASAP and you sacrificed the formatting in order to make that happen.

Am I making sense here?

Eh, I'm going to shut-up and check out the next chapter... ~_
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