|Reviews for Preludes|
| Sawnya chapter 2 . 8/6/2003
The sense of doom can be felt here, and I like that you fitted Brolli in this story. I can see King Vegeta feeling threatened by a baby who could become stronger than his son.
Hmm...about Celipa and Toma, I wonder if they would have saved Brolli, if they had seen visions of the destruction and problems that Brolli would come to eventually cause. But then, they are Saiyans, so it probably wouldn't matter. And it was interesting when you noted that most Saiyans don't live past thirty. It was my impression that they were long-lived, but I suppose in those days, that probably wasn't the case.
Anyway, another well-written chapter, rich in detail and dark tones. This is a very good retelling. )
| Sawnya chapter 1 . 8/6/2003
Such a fascinating and somber retelling of the Bardock saga. I like how you combined the poetry with this chapter, and the extra details. So Toma and Celipa have been affected as well, eh? This should be interesting... )
| Crash chapter 3 . 8/6/2003
You know, I probably would have missed the Themyscira name comepletely...
Well, there were some confusing scene changes, and it did feel a bit rushed at times, (when Frieza's soldiers seemed to suddenly appear on Bejita) but overall, pretty good. Heartening to see Brolli included. And a way to keep a lowly grunt like Radditz alive. Although... Torres? ...Perhaps he went rouge beforehand.
Highlight of the piece would definately be Bardock. His argument with the voice in his head, his vision of his son, grandsons, and great-granddaughter... And of course, his last stand. Impressive. If futile.
| Demi-Saiyajin Prodigy chapter 3 . 8/5/2003
A lot of emotion in this chapter. Got into Bardock's head especially well, I would say. It was easy to see how tortured he was by the voice of the dead Kanassan. And the acknowledgement he gave of his past actions as being monstrous sent a little shiver through me. Well done, on that one. And I could feel Bardock's sense of triumph as he died, and loved how you mentioned that the name "Kakarot" was going to plague Frieza for a long time. Nice touch.
I'm normally not much for Raditz, but I liked him in this story. I dunno; to see that arrogant streak in a child always seems to strike me as almost cute. I kept smiling at his attitude.
That maternal side to Celipa was quite interesting, and I could hear the desperation and finality in her voice as she sent the kids off in the space pods. You did such a good job developing her character, and the characters of Bardock's entire crew, really. Just a good, all-around intense scene, there.
And that final scene . . . What a cool idea to have a planet of asexual people who were more female. Neat contrast to the Nameks. Created an effective parallel to Kakarot's being adopted by Grandpa Gohan, too. How fitting: born within days of each other, lying in adjoining beds, and eventually being adopted in a rather similar manner.
And so, as they say, it ends. Or, more appropriately perhaps, it begins . . .
| Demi-Saiyajin Prodigy chapter 2 . 8/5/2003
More depth into Totepo and Panboukin, I see. I'm glad of that. Liked the camaraderie that they showed, the bantering back and forth.
" . . . despite the fact that Totepo and Panboukin were two of the most ragged, unfit warriors in the entire employ of the Saiyan 'clearance teams,' they exmplified this fact like few others, heartily running after death like a lawyer after an ambulance." Another great mental image, this one. Appropriate Saiyan mentality, too.
Nice intro to Kakarot. Loved the way that you described him. Good integration of Brolly, too. And having Toma and Celipa save him . . . fits really well, and makes a lot of sense.
Gotta say that there was a smile on my face while reading Panboukin's death scene. That sense of humour that you gave him ("Said he was fatter n me... Got away with it too...") . . . Call me crazy, but it just kept me smiling through the whole thing. Glad Panboukin got to die laughing. It's perhaps a better death than most.
Looks like that's all for this one. On to the final chapter, now.
| Demi-Saiyajin Prodigy chapter 1 . 8/5/2003
Quite good, thus far, Sh33p. Liked how you gave the Kanassans a bit of history in the opening paragraphs. And the lead-in toward the Saiyans' point of view was nice and smooth.
"His effort was rewarded with a swift, lethal swipe from Panboukins tail, reducing the warrior to a cloud of blood and scales, spraying through the air like bullets to kill a dozen or so of his comrades." Don't quite know why, but I found this to be a cool mental image. Maybe it's just the originality of it.
And now we have not only Bardock, but Toma and Celipa as well given the curse of psychic powers. Nice twist, there. And it seems that Toma is having visions of Gohan. Wonder why that could be.
I liked how you added a bit of personality to Totepo and Panboukin, their little habits when they're worried. Not something that you see often, if indeed you ever see it.
The only thing I can really say against the story is that oftentimes you have two or three (and on at least one occasion, four) people speaking in the same paragraph. Got a little bit confusing at these points. I know there's the odd exception to the one-speaker-per-paragraph rule, but I don't think that any have occurred in the story.
But as I said, that's the only thing I can say against it. I'll be moving on to the next chapter, now.
| Crash chapter 1 . 8/4/2003
Y'know, I think I tried one of your stories before, Sh33p. ...And... I remeber why I stopped. Two people speaking in the same paragraph drives me friggin' nuts! I can barely tell who's saying what, it takes two read-throughs to notice the responce is by by a different speaker, stage directions get lost in the shuffle... ...Agh!
*prays for few group scenes*
Well, formatting aside, the spelling is good...
Story... Neat way of giving Badrock his foresight. A praticularly vindictive way... And it was great to see some Saiyans actually using tactics! And modifying thier equipment. And in general acting like real soldiers. The only bad thing about reading a Badrock-centric story is that you know it will end poorly. ...Maybe Cephila will escape samefly and then fade into obscurity for the next 20 years? Maybe? Smomehow?
| DoraMouse chapter 3 . 7/11/2003
My apologies for not reviewing this sooner. I won't bore you with excuses. And I realize that you wrote this some time ago and that you are aware of the...erm...format issues. For the record, just to get it out of my system, I'll say that this story would be a bit easier to follow if you seperated the dialogue so that there was only one speaker per paragraph. But you probably already know that. So I won't bring it up again in any of my other reviews on this series.
Now then... Lets get down to business...
Not only have you obviously paid a ton of attention to the original material, you've improved it a bit. I like this explanation a lot. Honestly, I think your version of the Bardock television special might actually fit with the manga/anime a little better. I mean, at least you mentioned Raditz. Cool idea for how the heck Brolli got off the planet as well.
Just that little section has given me so much to consider. How easily things could have been different, eh? What if Celipa had sent all the pods to the same location? What if SHE had gotten into a pod? Could anyone else have made it out? All that sort of thing.
Thanks for the inspirations. Always good when a story gets makes ya think a bit.
Speaking of which, it was nice to see the Saiyan race portrayed this way. As individuals instead of just a sort of faceless label. With Bardock and his crew, we get to glimpse a range of personalities. So that despite the fact that these Saiyans are still basically mass murderers and conquerers of planets... Well. Dammit, they're likeable. Admirable, even. All the little details - Boukins eating when nervous. Celiphas moments of maternal instinct. Tomas defense of the Saiyan infants. Young Raditz stepping up to help get the kids out. Bardocks courage to the end. All that. Plus the mere mention of Saiyan doctors. And assassins. And just general indications of the society that governs/supports these warriors.
Thanks for the thought that you put into this Sh33p. I'm impressed. Seriously. I mean the calendar alone - you kept mentioning Saiyan ages vs. galactic standard ages - that by itself likely represents more thought than the average fanfic author gives to the Saiyan race. Made sense, too. As did the full names, once the name puns were explained. Brilliant!
You've crammed a massive amount of action into this short story. Keeps things tense. As do the visions which, as long as the readers aren't skipping around too much and as long as they are semi-familiar with the series, shouldn't be that confusing.
You've captured the bittersweet tone with this story. I'm not even familiar with the song lyrics that you've quoted in italics. But you chose them well. The visions... Yea. What a lousy feeling that must be. To know what the future holds. To foresee your own death. To be unable to change it, to know you can't change it... And then to stand up and try anyway. Believe it or not, I have a lot more respect for the Saiyan race as a whole now. Bardock especially.
And...one last detail... Couldn't let this slide. Hrm. So Goku is Bardocks third kid huh? Interesting. So Raditz, Kakarott and...? Well. I'm kinda betting on Turles being the other kid. Dunno for sure though. Guess I'll have to read through the rest of the series and see if this comes up again.
| Dark-Sephy chapter 3 . 7/1/2003
very, very good story, a really cool version of the 'Movie Bardock Special' _
i liked reading it a lot
| Dark-Sephy chapter 1 . 7/1/2003
really a cool chapter, very good battle description of the battle scene and so _
i like this! lol
| P.L.S chapter 3 . 1/17/2003
The Bardock Special is one of my favorite DBZ movies, this was a great spin on it. You are one of the best serious authors I've found on and I feel this was no different than the rest of your stories, greatness in text.
| CysticLOL17 chapter 3 . 1/9/2003
Well well, that was interesting, you just keep letting little plots open to continue, if it is continued, ne. Like what is going to happen to Brolli (they never came for Goku, so why would they come for mister Insane Super Saiyan, even though that may chance here that that won't happen)
The only thing I kept on having troubles with was the jumps from visions and realities, often they were detectable, but at one time I just couldn't really follow it anymore (but that could've happened because of the constant (don't know the English word for it, but I think that you'll get the point)
Overall an enjoyable supplement for the Hybrid Theory storyline, with other characters then usual and some perspectives not, but that is entirely different story. One thing though, why did have to be so short (yeah, I like long stories), I barely got in to it and it really began to took off in chapter 3 only to have everything wrapped up.
Oh, one more thing, if the Hybrid Theorie's storyline is continued, please mail me. There are now enough plotlines open for another interesting story :D
| Kami1 chapter 3 . 1/8/2003
Great fic! It works really well into the Hybrid series and your portrayl of Panboukin and Totepo, though I do feel you overated the Saiyajin king and his elites just a bit. It just doesn't make sense that Vegeta, with all his incredible potential, would be a tenth of his father's power well into his twenties, and wasn't Nappa supposed to be the best the Saiyajin army had?
Whatever. Ultimately, this was a great fic, though I don't really see how Brolly fits into the Hybrid storyline. Nice job. See ya!
| diamondgirl chapter 3 . 1/8/2003
Hah! I THOUGHT that was where you'd got Themyscira from! And I caught on to To Toma, also. The mental of Gohan Sr. getting kicked in the head was quite amusing, I got a feeling of just how suddenly everything started to end for everybody (maybe that's just me...) and I'm glad I finally got a chance to read this. Hope everything's going swimmingly on New Age, and ttyl!