|Reviews for Shadow of the Phoenix|
| Xabiar chapter 2 . 1/9
Read through what's here so far. I like it quite a bit.
It doesn't exactly read like a Star Wars story, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. This definitely feels much darker and morally ambiguous already, which is definitely helped by the excellent dynamic between Taral and Tokare, the former I admittedly don't like too much right now, although I think that's intentional, and the latter I find very interesting both because the character itself is intriguing, and what he represents. I've always liked the idea of Jedi slowly falling and being unaware of it, and using and abusing their powers, while believing themselves justified. If one thing came through, it's that the Jedi now are not the ones of old, and I quite like that.
What really has my interest is the questions raised by the setting, some of which is hinted at, but there are a lot that I suspect won't be until later. The Jedi alliance with Mandalorians. The state of the galaxy. The shadow conflict between Jedi and Sith. Who the major players are now. Since there's a Yuuzhan Vong, this is clearly taking non-canon stuff, there is a lot that could have happened. A re-imagined Star Wars is really ripe for opportunities.
Aside from some choices I disagree with, namely the use of language, and inclusion of things directly from Earth like cigarettes (Both of which sound extremely out of place in Star Wars of all things. It doesn't make it any more gritty or realistic either. There are already plenty of in-universe things you could have used), and some odd formatting, this is definitely interesting and well-written.
Looking forward to seeing where it goes.
| kainono chapter 2 . 1/8
Oh boy, talk about a cliff hanger. A slightly pissed (Heh!) twi'lek seeing someone being dragged in a mandalorian camp with, if i got it right, something that could be seem as a slave collar for force users. And the best part is that i have no idea if i got the right read or it will be something totally different.
Also loving how things are shaping up, and the mind games between Taral and Tokare. So many questions, can't wait to see more.
| PhantomTemplar chapter 1 . 1/6
just got done reading through the first chapter took awhile to pry my phone from my wife's hands. I'm pretty amazed I thoroughly enjoyed it. happy Sunday mate.
| legionaire Abram chapter 1 . 1/4
Phantom sent me the link to this, I was cautious about it at first due to the fact I haven't seen or read starwars since I was probably his age, I enjoyed it keep up the good work.
| kainono chapter 1 . 12/14/2017
So Taral is like the sith assassins from KotR 2? Or is he more in line with Nihilus? Also if Tokare could feel Taral through the force would he be able to beat him or is Taral that good with the saber (or maybe the jedi are that much worse than sith)?
Anyway, you got my interest. Let's see where this one will take us.
| Radcounter chapter 3 . 1/18/2016
To start off with there are a couple of errors that can be found by proof reading, word transpositions. Remember that a spell checker doesn't care if it's the right word or wrong word, only that it fits the rules of grammer and is spelt correctly.
Your plot line is obscure or at this stage appears to be a single line with 3 possible sub-plots.
You have a very interesting male central character with Taral, it will be exciting to see how you portay him as the story developes, will he go completely to the dark side, can he be brought back to teh light or will he choose a dangerous path and balance both light and dark. With the appearence of Numa there is a suggestion that he will fall and be redeemed, of she will fall and he will redeem them both, a difficult story arc to fulfill that will be.
The Yahoo group Descended has vanished, I don't know if Mike has removed it or if Yahoo deleted it due to inactivity.
If I may suggest, you might want to find a better way of indicating a scene break/change, since has a way of murdering them in the text, I've found.
Looking forward to seeing how you develope and play this story out.