|Reviews for In All Things Balance|
| DocCBM chapter 18 . 4/14/2019
| DocCBM chapter 17 . 4/14/2019
| DocCBM chapter 3 . 4/14/2019
| DocCBM chapter 2 . 4/14/2019
| DocCBM chapter 1 . 4/14/2019
| SappySoulTaker chapter 6 . 3/27/2019
that exchange rate seems fair. I mean I always thought a wand is to magic school as a graphing calculator is to high school so your numbers pass a sniff check.
| MagicEater chapter 2 . 3/20/2019
For the vote listed at the beginning of chapter 2, I would like to elect Sally-Anne Perks, the Mysteriously Disappearing Muggleborn First-Year!
| Kael Hyun chapter 19 . 2/19/2019
My only complaint is that you have Quinlan Vos with Asajj instead of Khaleen Hentz (while Ahsoka was a great addition to the canon and so was the majority of "The Clone Wars" Dark Disciple was a utter POS to Asajj's Character/Origins if you had ever read the Obsession Comics series you'd understand that Asajj is/was in love with Obi-wan and given a story before Disney changed the Canon its possible Obi-wan felt similarly (he plants some seeds of a tree on Tattooine because they are beautiful but a hardy plant that reminds him of Asajj(she goes into hiding/ he thinks she dies)
| misteryman526 chapter 11 . 2/5/2019
BTW, Draco is not a POUNCE, he is a PONCE.
| Publicola chapter 14 . 1/29/2019
This is (was?) an incredibly promising story for much of the early chapters, but I've grown increasingly dissatisfied with how the story is progressing. You've changed a few of the external events - some of the Wizengamot politics, the details of Lockhart's crimes and now his escape.
But of the 'internal' events - your characterization of Harry specifically - you've been following the Stations of Canon to the letter.
He's still friends with Ron. You've tried to justify (in story) why Harry continues to train him, but honestly "I have to keep working with Ron, because if I ever stop, he'll turn and use all that I taught him against me" must be the *lousiest* excuse I've ever heard. By your own words, the 'study group' is intended to be Harry's inner circle! Ron, as you've depicted him, is not inner circle material, plain and simple. You know this, you've acknowledged it in your writing, but you still insist on including him as though he were, dragging him along on events and adventures because... why not?
I appreciate that you deliberately included character flaws, like refusing to take Daphne and Susan at the end of first year due to his fear for their safety. But you spent the next chapter lambasting Harry for this decision, and Harry spent his entire summer getting over it. Then, without so much ado, Harry makes the *exact same mistake* when he goes for the Chamber of Secrets, intending to leave Daphne and Susan behind. That is the opposite of character development. That's not even character regression; that's just stasis. You spent several thousand words developing an idea (intense summer training to increase his confidence in his friends) that never panned out.
More troubling, is Harry's utter passivity. Yes, this is entirely true to his canon portrayal, but that's the point: this *isn't* canon Harry. You changed his background, his childhood, his personality. Yet he is still infuriatingly inactive in the face of everything. Worse, you used Nox to justify this in-story as necessary to keep the two enemies in check. Snape is directly responsible for Harry's parents' deaths. He knows it, Nox knows it, their allies know it, and you've gone out of your way to describe Nox as extremely vindictive when an enemy threatens her family. Yet Snape is immune to this, and Harry is apparently content to be abused by him. (Why can't Harry just mention in class, "I notice you're trying to break into my mind, and I am not amused"? At least indicate to others that their minds are in danger).
Even besides Snape, what about the other professors? Harry has a good head, and has advisors giving him guidance. Why notice file a petition against Professor Binns? Why not a restraining order against Filch? What about Quirrell, before he was revealed as two-face? What about Lockhart? Hogwarts is a school, but there are plenty of incompetents to target and undermine Dumbledore's stronghold.
Or how about the other students? Susan is apparently Harry's best friend (?) but besides Hannah he knows none of her other friends, and has never spent time making inroads in Hufflepuff House. Daphne is his spy in Slytherin, but besides a few one-off sentences ("Daphne told Harry that Snape was offering house points for any Slytherin who sabotaged his potion") there's no real flow of information, and Harry certainly doesn't use this information for anything. Luna makes it clear that her belongings are being stolen and the prefects don't care enough to stop it, but Harry never acts on this information, never reaches out to anyone else in Ravenclaw to help out.
Fanfiction is enjoyable because it allows us to explore in a world someone else has created. Harry Potter fanfiction is uniquely good at this because the world is just *so* *big*. A Star Wars crossover into the Harry Potter universe is even bigger. Yet, for all its promise, you really haven't done much exploring.
It doesn't make this story bad. (I've enjoyed it quite a bit so far). What it does, is make this story *disappointing*. I really hope it lives up to its promise in future chapters.
| Publicola chapter 11 . 1/29/2019
...Why is Ron part of Harry's super-secret study group? I could have sworn you were foreshadowing how Ron would be 'on the outs' after Nox told Harry to only accept students that he could absolutely trust, along with providing Harry's internal monologue about how he really doesn't trust Ron.
Yet, the study group is organize, and behold! Ron is still there. Even though he's still prejudiced against Slytherins. Even though Daphne's presence in the study group is an absolutely vital secret given her role as a spy among the Slytherins. Even though Ron still has trouble controlling his mouth and his temper. Even though the entire point of the study group is to form an exclusive and loyal 'inner circle' for Harry's rise to power.
I mean, I get it from an author's perspective - I assume Ron will be the Wormtail of the group by betraying them to Dumbledore, ratcheting up the tension and stakes, and providing a source of conflict so Harry et al don't trounce everything Dumbledore throws at them. But it makes no sense for Harry to make this mistake in-character, especially given the very real precedent of Harry knowing about Wormtail's betrayal from a young age. It reads more like an Idiot Ball than a sincere plot point, unfortunately.
| bla chapter 8 . 1/16/2019
yeah so nice story and then you had to ruin it by going canon ... whats the point in changing so much and then keeping the story the same ?
| Sypho Dias chapter 11 . 1/11/2019
Fucking hate Ron! Why do you have to put up with him... he's a weak Link!
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/10/2019
Where* is English not your first language?
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/10/2019
-Dark Council Chambers. There the... *