Reviews for On Top of the Maple Tree
NekomimiToree chapter 2 . 2/15/2016
Nice story, definitely a fan~ :3 Can't wait for the next chapter!

A couple of tips, though:
1) Separate some of your longer paragraphs. When our eyes jump to the next paragraph, that first sentence is given power, so use that as a guideline on where to make effective breaks.
2) Try not to overuse people as subjects for your sentences. Most of the time, when you say, "she guessed" "she expected" "she wondered", those are already assumed once the POV has been established. Also rather than "she held", mix it up with "her hands held".
3) Be more vivid! The best intro feels alive! You probably did not notice it, but some of your adjectives do a lot of telling rather than showing, For ex. "cold and eerie" "nice and cozy" "she was well aware of the discomfort". Sometimes it is fine, even preferred, but too much and you're lacking on some liveliness in the intro. If you need ideas, try focusing on senses other than sight, or maximizing the "activeness" of your sentences by using more "the rain soaked her coat" rather than "the rain would have soaked her".
4) I think you are missing a transition line before the last two paragraphs.