If the commander is about to send out a female 007 to kill Mercy’s mother then I’m for it.

Oh shit! How did they survive for so long?!

Poor puppy lol. Even when everyone else gets to use Lasrer weapons, she’s still stuck with her ‘Old’ and plain rifle lol.

Is someone really trying to give an author shit based on the fictional character that they are using in a non-profit fan fiction?
Because that’s hilarious if they are XD

Look, I just want to see the commander be turned into one of those GREMLIN mechs XD

I feel like puppy might do something stupid here soonish and will end up getting either herself, or a squad mate hurt.

Awww! Don’t let the poor recruit die just to make a slot available to join the team!

Found this fic by recommendation by an author on another website that is ALSO writing a HumanXViper fanfic lol

Here’s hoping that the author is good on his word!

While the story description makes it appear like there will be heavy romance vibes and interaction between two characters, there is not. The number of POV changes and just who is getting focus is all over the place so the reader doesn't get a good feeling of how each character thinks. There was hardly any romance until the last 5 or so chapters and most of that is glossed over. The main focus is the commander stuck in a GREMLIN and seeming to become more emotional and less rational as time goes on.

The changes in point of view are labeled when just taking the stance of an omniscient 3rd person narrator would have done the trick. The story seems to take this point of view on occasion but when a change of view is required, a few sentences of scene transition are replaced with jarring brackets. And while we are given some insight into character thoughts and feelings, it is inconsistent which makes the twist at the end come of out left field and just land a little flat.

The technical part of the story is not too bad. Grammar and typos are not too common but there is the occasional mix-up between "your" and "you're". Dialog is however treated as a separate sentence with the following descriptor sentence being capitalized.

The story drew me in at first but eventually became more of a chore as I started to dislike some of the main characters.

Sure, this is a twist that explains a lot but it was a twist that did not land properly. The setup was not properly done I feel. As the narrator seems omniscient with all the POV changes, the reader had insight into all the character's feelings. However, there was nothing hinted at the Commander and Hierarch mother having known each other before the Commander was captured 20 years ago. No internal thoughts of having to act out a play, nothing. Maybe the cryptic messages at the top of each chapter but those could easily be skimmed over without losing anything in each chapter. This could have maybe worked better if the narrator was limited to one character.

Ok, so this whole chapter is throwing curve balls and the next one better have a good explanation of everything.

The team is called away from Russia to retrieve info from a town where an EXALT agent stashed it. Town is the same one the Hierarch wants the whole crew. Clearly some sort of trap. Town has signs that are wiped of identification, clearly playing head games with the Commander. Implies Hierarch Mother maybe made a second trap using EXALT and it fucking with the Commander's head at the same time.

No, was EXALT trap the whole time... like what? That is a bit of a whiplash and will feel contrived unless logically explained.

Donald Duck wasn't in Looney Toons. Donald is Disney.

You are thinking about Daffy Duck. The far superior dunk compared to Donald.

I feel many of the "how" details should be left out when it comes to the weapons and tech. It is advanced tech but trying to explain it has so far fallen flat for me. The most egregious one was the Tesla plasma bullets. I can make 10000 volts with a sock and a rod of glass. Standard powerlines in the US run at 15000 or 21000 volts. Focus less on the how it does something but more on the what. The bullets deliver a shock to the target high enough that if the bullet penetrates a mechanical unit's armor, the bullet has a high chance of shorting out the internal electronics. That is all the reader really needs to know.

I never expected. Even with a accidental spoiler of a viper war by mid licking chapters I still didn't expect it. This is pure fucking kino

ARE YOU KIDDING ME! The last MEC unit AND Genetic soldier have to die!? Come on! I was hoping Lily would be able to look at some of her dads tech.