|Reviews for One Year|
| Steel Inquisitor chapter 87 . 8/20/2019
I used to read this fic from time to time before the work for about six months, and it was like a routine for me. While I can't say that I have enjoyed every chapter of it, I'm going to miss it. It's good piece of art.
As for the narrative part, author squeezed everything he could from the first person point of view, the most notable are Kanji POVs. Still, for rare exceptions, it looks like every person is one and the same character having the same thinking process (maybe the language barrier is here to blame). Again, I understand that it's quite difficult to master, but if that was executed better, this fic would be priceless for me.
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 4/3/2018
of what i could
seemed solemn; perhaps
[Semicolons are best avoided even in technical writing. In narrative I’ve never seen a time where they couldn’t be better replaced with a comma to link the clauses or a period to separate them (a period fits better here, I think)]
wanted to walk back with you
[Strange that she didn’t join him for the trip out through Junes and just get to this from the start]
While a continuation can be an interesting thing, of the first 3 chapters we only have about a page of actual scenes being acted out (a little dialog between Yu and Yukiko, Yu greeting his mother). All the rest is very passive, distant summary that has the “I” phrasing but might as well be Author Intrusive Telling because there’s no sense of people or things taking place.
other hand, she, I, and
[I found the phrasing and commas here a little awkward]
and we soon arrived at my home
alone, thought, and
[though… but this chapter so far is still just rehashing information anybody who played P4 would know]
like other mementos of times that had gone by
the fact that he's."
variety of subject
perhaps ruin into
I began to think about them again
[Are we ever going to get to meeting and interacting with people? We’ve had so much thinking about that I’m starting to wonder what the conflict is, what’s happening beyond “a bunch of stuff that isn’t important enough to act out”]
First, there was Kenji Nishizawa
[Is there going to be a quiz on this later? Couldn’t we actually meet one of these people so we can get some interaction and potentially care about them? The game didn’t data dump on us, it gave us people and situations to play out and THAT is what made us care]
Kenji often studied Hitomi frequently had
[missing separation, but this is also all just repetition from the character bios you dropped in before]
“What if” and continuation fics normally interest me, but the only impression I got from the first three chapters is that we’re going to get reams of Telling with only a couple lines of action and interaction. Yukiko and Yosuke seemed a little blander than the game, which might be in part because we have so much Telling and so little Showing by having anything acted out.
| Klaw117 chapter 87 . 3/7/2018
Great job on the ending. I love how you tied up everyone's stories and lives. I'm especially glad that Hitomi's parents finally got what was coming to them (yeah, I'm spiteful, I admit it). Interesting that you tied in the rest of their company's staff in their downfall, but I think it was very well done. I do wonder how all this affected Hitomi's brother though since he was set to inherit everything.
I don't know what else you have planned for the Persona characters, but I'll be sure to keep an eye out for it. Thanks for writing this awesome story.
| Shinigami Miroku chapter 87 . 12/18/2017
Man, I can't believe it's already over. I'll really miss seeing updates to this fic; even though I couldn't always respond immediately, I've always tried to read the newest chapter at least. You've created a worthy sequel to Persona 4, and I'm glad to have been able to watch it develop, though I wasn't here from the beginning.
| Jay Hayden chapter 87 . 12/18/2017
First things first, this epilogue was the perfect way too wrap up this story with a window (or an even broader look) into the lives of the characters we came to either know and love more in this fic or came to know and/or love after meeting them in this fic. The call backs to earlier times, whether in the game proper or in this fic were quite excellent as well. With my praise for this Epilogue given, I'm going to say something else I was waiting till this fic ended to say: This is the best fanfiction that I've read in some time, probably ever. I've been on this site just over six years (this used to be my secondary account), I also started being active on AO3 this past year, and read a lot of fics in that time but I haven't read any that were so original in their own right, while still feeling like a legitimate continuation from where the characters left off and where they'd be at that stage in their lives. So... Thank you for this fanfic.
| Jay Hayden chapter 86 . 12/13/2017
And so another end marks another new beginning for our resident Wild Card. He's definitely earned this new beginning and I'm sure he'll get far with this too.
| Jay Hayden chapter 85 . 12/11/2017
This chapter reminded me of some of the things I loved most about 4 and also felt like a strong send off to Inaba. But more than that it really showed without telling Yukiko's growth from the young woman she was at this start of this fic (to say nothing of her at the start of Persona 4) to the young woman she is now. Excellent work as always.
| Reixe chapter 84 . 12/1/2017
Well done. Can’t wait for December 8th. This fic has been a great read and I’m looking forward to the final chapters.
| Jay Hayden chapter 84 . 11/30/2017
And so Yu bids farewell to his days in high school. This much like the last chapter for Yasogami was a great send off to their time as high school students. Excellent work as always.
| Jay Hayden chapter 83 . 11/27/2017
I really liked this chapter. It was definitely a good send off to Yasogami
| Klaw117 chapter 82 . 11/20/2017
I like how everyone's arcs are wrapping up. I'm also glad that Hitomi hasn't been completely abandoned, but I really hope her parents get more backlash over what they did to her. If you ask me, they're nowhere near learning their lesson yet.
| Jay Hayden chapter 82 . 11/20/2017
The reveal about Hitomi's past feelings for Yu was well played but my surprise was about the same level of Sakura's. I think you did a good job of hinting that at points so well done there. Also the bit about Hitomi's parents was a good way to show the further conflict of how she feels about them. Also the scene with Kaoru and Hitomi was good and as someone who both has worked in retail and had relatives that have you showed both ends of that well.
| Jay Hayden chapter 81 . 11/12/2017
This was a seriously great chapter. And while I figured they'd both make it, I was relatively sure, there was enough uncertainty to keep me on edge at moments like these. And to reference Igor, "My heart danced with delight to see them succeed." I've enjoyed this fic immensely through my entire time reading it. You've seriously written something amazing here.
| Jay Hayden chapter 79 . 11/4/2017
Kaoru really cut straight to the crux of the matter with Kenji there. Sometimes it does take someone with a mostly different outlook on things to point out the reality of a situation.
| Jay Hayden chapter 77 . 10/29/2017
Hmm... I understand Kenji's perspective a lot better after this chapter. Even his wondering about what the point of neglecting certain aspects of time in high school was if this is how things happen is very relate-able. I also think Yu saying more bluntly what the student president was hinting at was a good touch.