Reviews for Gohan : Life attending OSHS
nickknack2000 chapter 5 . 12/17/2019
tfs reference
gabelou1991 chapter 9 . 6/3/2017
J'aime bien ton histoire.
GoHaNViDeLSoN chapter 9 . 5/26/2017
As a fellow-countryman like you, I would implore that you kinda' restrain yourself while writing fics. I have noticed it several times in your fic that you get a lot overboard while doing the 'Fourth Wall' thing.

I see you have taken the inspiration from 'Deadpool' but, seriously, you should only attempt 'Fourth-Wall' if you have the proper hang of it. In actuality, in these kind of fics 'Fourth-Wall' only serves a distraction and leave the readers irritated.

Your plot is unique, I certainly give you credit for that, but you must focus on certain things while writing. Maybe it's better if you include some expressions and emotions of the speaker while they talk and not just directly start the other person's dialogue.

Don't take it in a negative sense, I am offering you constructive criticisms. Nobody is born with perfection. Everyone has their faults, but one has to learn from them to become better.

I definitely intend to see, the direction the story proceeds. You are just my age and I absolutely like the fact that there are more buddies from my country who share their passion for DBZ Fanfiction...

Regards,
GoHaNViDeLSoN
Guest chapter 9 . 9/25/2016
You're a bit of a dickhead.
Guest chapter 9 . 9/23/2016
Pathetic.. Do not use disability as an excuse for you acting like a child.
MeToo chapter 10 . 9/23/2016
Dude, don't be one of those pathetic pricks who use their disability as an excuse. I have ADD too, and people like you give us a bad name. Also, nice way to be salty to people giving you criticisms.
GuestReader chapter 10 . 9/23/2016
Wow...14 or not, you're kind of a d*ck.
Guest chapter 3 . 9/22/2016
You ever notice the puns done on Erasa's name, made even more obvious by my last name? Erasa Rubbers. Eraser? And her buddy's name, Sharpner. Awfully similar to sharpener, like the things you use on pencils? Gret job, Toriyama-san.
Gokuu the Carrot chapter 10 . 9/21/2016
Hi, New reviewer I used to be hayabusa girl if I ever reviewed. Nice story go in here.
Guest chapter 10 . 9/21/2016
Staying away from inconsistency is simple read what u have written and keep a few notes on whats been revealed in ur story a basic timeline of events that already happened. Goten arguing to go to trunks and then chichi sayin jus go on nimbus then next chapter gohan takes him. Thats simple to keep consistent. Also the fact gohan was talkin about food the whole time ended up hanging out at capsule corp then ended up at the lookout and suddenly he wasnt hungry any more. No need to emphasize his hunger if its insignificent.

Gohan hating his father is stupid. Tfs exaggerates it to make it funny. But it jus seems cinical in ur story.

As for the jump and throw in baseball was always rediculous in the anime. They make the z fighters who have mastered their power into people that cant hold back. Even mirai trunks could hold his power at 5 after achieving super saiyan. Its ur choice to use their lack of skill in controlling their power in ur story. I was jus makin the point u should give gohan and others more credit. They jus looked like idiots when they accidently smack innocent people through walls. Goku did that once to chichi for comedy but u never see that happen again. With the way things are an overly excited hug from gohan would snap bulma or chichis spine. And goten and trunks shouldnt even touch people not even their mothers cause whose gonna teach those powerhouses control if the z fighters suck at it themselves

Fourth wall is kinda easy. Jus dont have gohan talking to u. When the fourth wall is broken the character talks to ur audiance not some extended conversation with the writer or in movies the producer. Jus have gohan talk to us. Not to u. If u seen deadpool then good do that. Its like hes having a monologue but instead of in his head he talks to us

Again tfs is good i live it too. But dont jus keep throwing their jokes in every few paragraphs half hazardly. As for ur jokes well u jus need to work on that. But piccolo having some teenage girlfriend aint funny its jus random and creepy. Especially when u use angela. Piccolo cant even stand talking to people angela of all annoying people. Also beating up dende for comedic relief is not that funny at all
Guest chapter 9 . 9/20/2016
Most useless chapter i ever read. Half assed jokes referencing real life material. Piccolo dating, nameks are asexual and a human girl from gohans school yea real creative on that one. Not to mention constant inconsistencies
Guest chapter 8 . 9/20/2016
Seriously the fourth wall thing is done all wrong. If ur gonna use it do it right. Go watch deadpool and u should be able to tell how its done. Also its kind of annoying to be taken out of the story every few sentences for u to put ur too cents in on what uve written. Story with running commentary is jus terrible. Though ur lame jokes are worse u need to work on that.
Guest chapter 7 . 9/20/2016
U should try staying more consistent. In the last chapter goten threw a fit about goin to play with trunks right now which chichi jus let slide and told him to go to capsule corp on nimbus. This chapter gohan has to take goten there also he jus mentioned somethin about no sleepovers for him and chichi nearly blows her stack. Seriously and ur makin goban quite hateful toward his father. Tfs references are funny if used right but jus throwing them in every chance u get is too much i could jus watch dbz abridged again. Also principle cursing in front of students yea real respectable adult. If u want comedy in ur story cool but dont go overboard for some lame joke. Plus punchin a teacher through a wall and no one bats an eye. Yea its all cool for gohan to be strong but stories that make gohan incapable of controlling his strength is dumb. He would be breaking things on a regular basis with that lack of control. The z fighters dont use ki to enhance everyday activities and they can throw a punch without enhancing it with ki. Ki is like a muscle that is trained and actively used. Its not a passive skill that works on its own without their say so
Guest chapter 9 . 9/19/2016
Make a Rated M Future Gohan x Future Bulma Lemon one shot or story
Santesia chapter 3 . 8/19/2016
Can I just say I LOVE the idea of "Gossipedia". The Wikipedia of gossip ;)

~rainne.2000.16
36 | Page 1 .. Last Next »