|Reviews for Gorgoneion|
| English Major chapter 3 . 9/10
You have some unique ideas and I am enjoying your plot progression so far, but you have some major issues keeping the tense of your writing consistent. You need to pay more attention to your verb tenses; you are mixing past and present tense, often in the same sentence, and this makes your writing very hard to follow.
Keep writing! Your writing can only improve if you pay more attention to every single word you type. Try reading what you have written out loud, that will often bring to light any inconsistencies. Thank you for your contribution to the world of Harry Potter Fan Fiction.
| Darth-Vulturnus chapter 35 . 9/1
This is where I decided that I was finished with the fic, so I'll put my thoughts here. Please PM if you'd like to discuss. I'm kind of an asshole here, but you're a decent writer (especially since it's not your first language), and, well, constructive criticism doesn't all mean being nice.
- You had an interesting initial concept, and I'd like to congratulate you for being confident to write outside your native language.
- The OC's. For the most part, they were well developed and rounded characters that I liked, so kudos on that. Especially with so many of them.
- How long it was before a beta, but I don't hold that against you too much. I too know how hard it can be to find someone you feel is right, not even considering that most people don't even care about beta requests.
- If you feel a chapter title spoils the chapter, choose a different title. Cut and dry. Black and white. You might as well not have titles at all if you're not going to tell us what they are. We remember chapter titles when going to reread fics, but with half of them being "(spoiler)" how do we remember which one is which?
- How is the OC a full veela when someone like Fleur is quarter in canon? Not saying it's a poor decision in making her that, but you never explained the rules of your AU in regards to classification.
-Nitpicking here, but in my analysis, your summary regarding Harry is false. He is independent, true. Is he punk? No, he's just an asshole, not punk in any sense of the word. Is he a gray wizard? Not really. He's the token dark wizard that fights for the good guys. If that's how you define a gray wizard, tell us, because the usual fanon interpretation is different.
- This was either one of the cleverest cases of an unreliable narrator I've ever read, or one of the most egregious cases of 'show, don't tell.' The narration repeatedly states how much more mature Harry is, but he doesn't act it AT ALL. This Harry is one of, if not the most, immature and hair-trigger tempered version of Harry I've ever read in the entire fandom on this site. As far as I can tell, he's a character of extremes in his emotion. That wouldn't be bad if explored, but you don't acknowledge this and bring the requisite consequences, and that makes it bad, especially sweeping it under the rug.
- Harry in this story isn't a wizard. He's a god. Him beating on Draco and co? Sure, makes sense. Him manhandling Sirius with ease? Forcing Dumbledore into a unbreakable vow while he's only 12, even with Athena's help? As I said, he's a demigod at least, not a wizard. And that's boring, because it removes any external conflict. Combined with his immature, flippant attitude that removes internal conflict, I had to stop reading, because it's time to stop reading a HP fic when you want Voldemort to win and brutally kill Harry (which would never happen because of how godlike you made Harry).
| Joe Lawyer chapter 45 . 9/1
“…Harry’s soul also became a part of the Gorgoneion.” – Well, that is certainly shocking and thought provoking, with far reaching implications. His soul has become part of a Divine artifact? Something that housed, or even still houses, the soul of a Goddess? Yeah, I have no idea what that might mean for Harry in the future.
Not sure how arrows in Harry’s mindscape would hurt him. Maybe he thinks they will, so they do. Hopefully he realizes soon that in his mindscape, he is the uber God.
If Athena is still around, maybe he can go really old school and offer some sacrifices in her name. Then share that he is a champion of Athena and see if the wizarding world takes up her worship once again.
Overall, I’m very pleased with the story. It’s pretty entertaining. Hopefully you come back to it soon!
P.S. I left that guest review talking about the ritual. I didn’t notice I was signed out of FFN.
| Guest chapter 44 . 9/1
Oh Harry… There were other sources for occlumency books. If he set his pride aside even a small degree he could easily get those books from the Black family library. Sirius would be happy to give them to him. Even his surrogate family would have them and would give them to him freely, including training him personally.
Interesting ending there. Rituals are an interesting thing and rarely show up these days. Will you have Harry perform any rituals? Maybe “sacrifice” his virginity with Lilith for some benefit for the two of them.
| Joe Lawyer chapter 43 . 9/1
Well, damn, this thing with Antoinette Malfoy leaving Sirius on a whim rather surprised me. I thought Harry might have been wrong about her. Her actions in that chapter certainly didn’t jive with someone only out to protect herself. Harry was about to kill Sirius after all and it was only Athena’s intervention that saved him. Maybe Antoinette didn’t realize the true extent of the danger? He was using some rather unique and unknown magic at the time, after all.
Again, this chapter he says his dream of becoming rich has already become a reality. Good lord how many times have I heard that line. When is he going to realize that he really doesn’t have as much as he thinks he does? Maybe his new family can clue him in? He also doesn’t seem to realize that the Potter family should have many pieces of property in Britain and around the world. Was that an oversight on your part? Anyway, there are many, many ways to make money in the muggle world with just small applications of very simple magic. It seriously wouldn’t take a genius. Acquiring a personal house elf would be a great first step as well and very useful for him.
Ah, so he finally remembers Athena. I was wondering about that. It’s been many chapters since that whole debacle went down and I’m still not sure how it’s reasonable. Yes, there was a fight with Sirius, and some over the top anger on Harry’s part, but how did that end with the death of a Goddess? Even just the shell of one? Will we see her again? She mentioned reforming, can Harry hasten that process somehow? Was Harry imbued with divinity? Is he becoming a God or demigod? Maybe even the son of Athena? If he’s generating his own divine power now, that might be the key to hastening Athena’s reformation.
| Joe Lawyer chapter 39 . 8/31
Each time Harry has collapsed unconscious has been justified, sure, but the number of times it's happened in this story adds up pretty quick. It's gotten a bit silly. Unfortunately, it's a common fanfiction crutch and authors love to use it to end scenes. Recognize the urge and try to come up with something different.
| Joe Lawyer chapter 38 . 8/31
Have to admit, I'm quite bummed about Athena. That's a credit to your writing. You made me care about her. The question is, what does it mean for Harry going forward?
| Joe Lawyer chapter 33 . 8/31
This chapter dealt with the costs of wizarding jewelry. In previous chapters I think you pegged the Potter fortune at the equivalent of 5 million pounds sterling, by converting galleons to pounds. Even in 1993 money, that would NOT make someone filthy rich. Filthy rich is having money in the hundreds of millions or even billions. That’s filthy rich. I kind of laugh at Harry thinking he’s filthy rich with 5 million pounds. I suppose that’s because he’s a child. You can’t even say that the wizarding money is worth so much more in that economy when the conversion is readily available and is set at Rowling’s absolutely ridiculous 5 pounds to 1 galleon. Galleons are obviously not made of gold if it’s only worth 5 pounds.
The muggle economy is much, much larger and the “filthy rich” in that world would scoff at that small sum in Harry’s accounts. I don’t think his goal of becoming rich is out of his reach when he could work hard to make millions in the muggle world and have that wealth possibly translate to the wizarding world.
| Joe Lawyer chapter 26 . 8/31
Huh…the wand that works for Harry uses Lilith’s hair. I was certainly not thinking of that working. I figured that with Harry’s intimate connection with Athena he’d simply need some kind of Greece based magical creature, rather than the ones commonly used in Britain.
That moment with Athena doling out wisdom was nice, but if I were Harry I’d speak with Dumbledore. Apologize for his actions and try to reach an accord. Dumbledore shared with Harry his fears that Harry would turn out like Voldemort, a terrible dark lord, and what happens immediately after? Harry stoked those flames even higher.
| Joe Lawyer chapter 15 . 8/31
Wow. The Ministry really did some great things in cleaning up Hogwarts and the forbidden forest. Strange though that nothing was said about the "curse" on the DADA position.
| Joe Lawyer chapter 12 . 8/31
Have to admit, no matter how foolish Harry looked threatening to cut his own throat, the demands of survival require extreme pragmatism. Embarrassment, shame, pride, none of those things matter when one’s survival is at stake. I have a great deal of respect for that.
Given my own profession, I often make this recommendation. If Harry has got a lot of money, then spend some and hire a competent legal advocate that can protect him from Dumbledore. Then speak with Minister of Magic and make him aware of the situation.
With Harry’s connections to Greece, through Athena, he’d probably benefit quite a bit from staying there. His magic might be far more attuned to the magics of that land now.
| Joe Lawyer chapter 10 . 8/31
I find it pretty funny that in a previous chapter, Harry lamented not having the goal of becoming wealthy through his own power because he was already filthy rich, yet in this chapter he's not sure where he's going to live and is thinking about staying in the Leaky Cauldron. That's not filthy rich. If the Potters were really wealthy they'd have numerous homes to choose from that he could stay at. Rich people collect homes. He might not have access to the main Potter vaults, but he'd have access to homes presumably.
| Joe Lawyer chapter 5 . 8/30
Has Harry not realized that using his telekinesis (or whatever you want to call it) to remove someone's wand from their person would render most wizards as dangerous as a muggle?
| Guest chapter 45 . 8/30
Fantastic story so far, thank you for writing!
| Blaze1992 chapter 45 . 8/4
Okay he has regained some old memories but then gets attacked?