|Reviews for Across Space and Time|
| painted heart chapter 123 . 9/6
Have absolutely loved this! Can't believe he tried to erase her memories I thought at one point that she would have become part time lord in body with two hearts but still! Love this and can't wait to read more!
| MadderThanAHatter2 chapter 83 . 7/19
This was such a sweet ending for the chapter x
| afionna11 chapter 69 . 5/15
Omg this is soooooo good. I've been reading this story all day in class and I have to stop myself from squealing in class. It's so good and I love the romance. This story is killing my feels, so thanksI really enjoy it so far. I've also read you Terry Storm story and my god I just love your writing so much. It's brilliant!
| Guest chapter 25 . 4/30
It's me again, just a touch of friendly advice. When someone's giving an evil laugh, "Bwahahahaha" kind of takes away from it. It's so much better saying "... And he let out a bone-chilling/spine tingling cackle". Far creepier, as many people send Bwahahahaha when they're being sarcastically evil with their friends. Also, the colon before dialogue isn't necessary. Much better writing than your earliest chapters though :-)
| Guest chapter 10 . 4/30
Okay, so I just jumped ahead to chapter 10 (I don't know if the comment I put on chapter one went through, but if it hasn't, I was just agreeing with another reviewer that your writing had potential, but the first chapter was flawed. If the comment has gone through, you can ignore this part in parentheses) and your writing has already gotten much better :-) the characters seem more like how they are in the show proper, the scenes are less jumpy and confusing, and the Doctor is definitely more of a character than a summary of a character. Looking forward to continuing this!
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/30
I agree with what another reviewer said, this has the potential to be great, but your writing is very flawed at the present. That's not to say that it'll never get better, I'm sure that it will (there are over 508k words, after all) but it's definitely flawed now.
Also, just a quick note: in Britain, it's 999, not 911. Very minor detail, but enough to pull me out of the (albeit confusing) atmosphere.
| padfootl0ve chapter 51 . 3/30
Oh my goodness. The tale about the exhaust fumes causing a 50 ft head... I never thought of it before, but, JACK.
| angela.dickson.18 chapter 1 . 3/29
This story is the best story and at the end of the chapter with Lily and The Doctor saying goodbye to each other was sad to read that part.
| padfootl0ve chapter 39 . 3/29
I know I haven't said it yet, but I absolutely love Lily
| padfootl0ve chapter 19 . 3/28
I always thought that they cybermen getting their emotions back would be the most awful way to die
| SyfyGuy2 chapter 1 . 3/14
Interesting. I'm gonna be perfectly blunt, it seems a bit flawed to me in its writing but like it could perhaps be really good.
Interesting premise with Rose's cousin Lily as an OC in an AU-setting here, but I do feel that the writing was a bit rushed and not properly structured, like some things just blurred by - particularly the lack of insight into Lily's personal thoughts when the Doctor is resting when she should have had several minutes to start thinking about this whole strange situation she's found herself caught up in, and how the other times (like during Jackie's funny ramble towards the end of this chapter) her brain just leaps at tachyon-speed to make a witty comment faster than she should have been able. Also, Lily hasn't really gotten a good character establishment in this chapter - the very most we've seen so far is that she has a dry tongue and practicality, befitting of her aunt with perhaps a spark of her cousin in there. She currently feels very Mary Sue-ish.
I feel in the same respect that you haven't quite captured the Tenth Doctor's character; it feels like I'm just reading a limited monotone summary-description of his physical traits and a secondhand account of his actions, rather than seeing him up-close and like his character is really there. I also feel like you don't capture the other characters right - particularly when Mickey was filling Lily in on who the Doctor is; his dialogue really just felt like something a geek would tell another geek on an internet forum, rather than Mickey's actual character in this actual setting telling Lily about the Doctor and Rose. It also felt rather wrong to me, unrealistic; that Rose, Mickey and Jackie just ignored Lily after the TARDIS arrived and didn't fill her in about him sooner when they were bringing the Doctor up to the flat - and that Mickey had to come in and tell her in the aforementioned non-naturalistic full-explanation dialogue, and that it wanb't until Lily saw the regeneration energy being breathed by the Doctor that she decided he wans't human.
But, this chapter does have positive points to it! I loved how you had Lily be the very first face the Tenth Doctor sees on opening the TARDIS doors - while all the Doctor' incarnations have had multiple companions over their lives and cared about them all, the first companion each regeneration sees or has is always something very, irreplacably special to them - Grace and Eight, Rose and Nine/Ten, Amy and Eleven, Clara and Twelve... :) It's really good that you set that up (and by extension chose to begin this story with 'The Christmas Invasion,' and with Lily present at the start); it's a subtle, powerful hint as to what relationship will develop between Lily and the Tenth Doctor. I also in the very same respect loved the moment when it was Lily who woke the Doctor up here instead of Rose. :)
Regarding the lack of proper writing structure: there were no clear scene transitions, and you didn't really create any atmosphere or mood in your writing (for example, setting the mood when the Christmas tree came to life and attacked, or the terror and entrapment when they were stuck in the bedroom and the Doctor woke up, or the suddenness of him recoiling and crying out). You just described things in an unclear blurb of recorded, accounted events that felt secondhand.
Overall; writing is in definite need of improvement from this point onward, but you do succeed at catching our attention with Lily and the Doctor's relationship alone here.
| wolfsong287 chapter 8 . 2/21
In this chapter you put Sir Reynolds. It is actually Captain Reynolds and Sir Robert. You got them mixed up. It's okay, an easy mistake to make. They do sound similar. Love the story so far. Just wanted you to know about the mix up.
| goofysdisciple chapter 33 . 1/25
What confuses me is how much you stress Lily being ONLY 19 and how really really young that is when Rose was only 19 when she met 9 too. I won't claim to be an expert nor am i deep enough ib the fandom/watched the relevant seasons recently enough to make a 100% accurate judgement but i think i remember that by the time 9 regenerates Rose has been travelling with him around a year max 1 1/2 years so she really isn't that much older than Lily yet you always stress Lily looking young being a child being called out for looking to young when Rose isn't even two years older than her. Or did i miss/forget about some an you made at the beginning about switching up Rose's age? Realistically i know that there's also people who just look super young but that would not explain Lily still being "accepted" as a kid by the Krillitane oil and Rose and the doctor subtly considering her to be a kid.
| Heather Snow chapter 122 . 1/18
I skimmed through your story. I felt it would have greatly benefited from being much shorter. Huge parts of it were basically just repeats of the episodes or had very minor changes. It's a common problem with season rewrites. You needed a lot more summary and skipping over and only highlighting the small parts of the episodes that had significant changes.
I originally come from the Star Trek fandom where a mind meld against someone's will is considered to be a mind rape. So, perhaps that sets me up to find the Doctor wiping Lily's memory as especially shocking and to feel it's out of character. I can understand it with Donna because it saved her life, but not with Lily. I'll go on to the next story, but I'm going to pretend that the Doctor sadly had to wipe Lily's memory to save her life just like he did with Donna.
Now, what I liked. Probably one of the parts I liked best was the rewrite of the whole story with The Family. I loved the reasoning for keeping Lily away from the Doctor. I loved the resolution. Thought it was great.
I also thought you wrote Rose and Lily well together and made Rose's feelings in the final chapters believable.
| Alasiir The Ranger chapter 123 . 1/14
Lily's mind wipe was completely unnecessary and infuriating, not too sure if I'm going to continue reading now.