|Reviews for A journey across the worlds|
| Gay Jesus Probably chapter 3 . 7/23
Not to be that guy, but Olette is a young teenager. She's still in school. She's like, 15, 16-ish. Dating a 20 year old man would be illegal, and extremely predatory of him. Like, she's a child, she cannot consent to do anything with an adult. Hell, I'm only 18 and I'd never date a 15 year old, they're just kids, thats disgusting and creepy as hell, and I'd have a disturbing amount of power over them. Maaybe change the age of protagonist to avoid... unfortunate implications. Especially given that you yourself are an adult.
As for the writing, it's really good for a first story! God knows my first stuff looked a lot like this. For the record, your first chapter really should not just be an authors note, I'd take that one down. And while there's not a lot of glaring errors, the dialogue's a little wooden, and could probably benefit from more comma's and whatnot.
Do you want a beta? Because I'd be willing to help you edit your story, I remember when I was new to fanfiction writing my beta was pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me. If not, then good luck on the writing, and keep with it man!
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/10/2016
Cool your idea.