Reviews for To The End
abauer1 chapter 7 . 1/2
this is almost the same story as another one you posted
lorrie chapter 37 . 2/15/2013
i do like your story but its the same as another story that i read not to long ago.
Cora chapter 9 . 12/28/2012
Hi I really like the storys but i have to say something not to be mean or anything just want to point it out In some places if your fallowing the movies you have mixed mary and pippin. But other then that i like it alot.
Eliza Russell chapter 9 . 6/23/2012
I do appologiae greatly, I am using an Itouch and my finger slipped and pressed the send button before I had finished! Here is the rest of you review:

...consider getting a beta reader to help you with spelling and such. Spell check won't catch homonyms. Your writing is very good and will become great with more practise. I hope very much that you have not been offense by any of my suggestions; I mean only to help you. I appologise very much if I have in some way offended you. Keep on writing and thanks for putting this up here for us all to enjoy!

Thanks for writing!

Eliza Russell
Eliza Russell chapter 8 . 6/23/2012
Hey,

So I've been reading this for the past day or two and I have to say I like it very much. I love how Alise does not want to be with the Fellowship and certainly doe not know what to do with a sword. As you said it, it is kind of Mary Sue but you have added some elements that also make it more original.

I do have some suggestions for you, if you were to go back and edit this (as it is finished, it makes it rather difficult to put in suggestions in new chapters, should you decide you like them!)

Alise could be a little quieter and more secretive. It is not generally the nature of humans to yell out their entire difficult past in front of strangers. Alise could get to know Pippin and Legolas a bit more before she tells them all that she has.

Also, a trick a lot of authors use to keep readers interested is uspense and mystery, even if the story is not a mystery. I love how you have Alise's dreams written out but I think they are well enough written that you don't need to put in the explanation of her thinking. If you think it is unclear at some parts, you could have a conversation between Aragorn and Legolas or Aagorn and Gandalf, and have Aragorn state how he believes that Alise has shut herself away.

I also suggest trying to use older wording and expressions. I absolutely adore Alise's temper but even when she is mad, she needs to speak as though she is from Middle Earth and not from Earth. For example, instead of saying 'mom' she could say 'mother' or even 'nan' since, like her brother, she would have spent a large amount of time around the elves.

Finally, Iust comment on your spelling. There are a couple things you need to watch out for, especially homonyms.

Your: that is your sword/ You're: You're (you are) really great at that!

Where: Where is my sword?/ Were: Were you using my sword?

Threw: I threw the ball/ Through: They went through there!

'Deieing' is spelled 'dying'

Remember, when you write a question, even if it is a character asking it, put a question mark. Ex: "What is happening?" I asked, rather than "What is happening," I asked

Well I think that is it, just remember to proof read, proof read, proof read before submitting a chapter and you could even cons
Eliza Russell chapter 8 . 6/23/2012
Hey,

So I've been reading this for the past day or two and I have to say I like it very much. I love how Alise does not want to be with the Fellowship and certainly doe not know what to do with a sword. As you said it, it is kind of Mary Sue but you have added some elements that also make it more original.

I do have some suggestions for you, if you were to go back and edit this (as it is finished, it makes it rather difficult to put in suggestions in new chapters, should you decide you like them!)

Alise could be a little quieter and more secretive. It is not generally the nature of humans to yell out their entire difficult past in front of strangers. Alise could get to know Pippin and Legolas a bit more before she tells them all that she has.

Also, a trick a lot of authors use to keep readers interested is uspense and mystery, even if the story is not a mystery. I love how you have Alise's dreams written out but I think they are well enough written that you don't need to put in the explanation of her thinking. If you think it is unclear at some parts, you could have a conversation between Aragorn and Legolas or Aagorn and Gandalf, and have Aragorn state how he believes that Alise has shut herself away.

I also suggest trying to use older wording and expressions. I absolutely adore Alise's temper but even when she is mad, she needs to speak as though she is from Middle Earth and not from Earth. For example, instead of saying 'mom' she could say 'mother' or even 'nan' since, like her brother, she would have spent a large amount of time around the elves.

Finally, Iust comment on your spelling. There are a couple things you need to watch out for, especially homonyms.

Your: that is your sword/ You're: You're (you are) really great at that!

Where: Where is my sword?/ Were: Were you using my sword?

Threw: I threw the ball/ Through: They went through there!

'Deieing' is spelled 'dying'

Remember, when you write a question, even if it is a character asking it, put a question mark. Ex: "What is happening?" I asked, rather than "What is happening," I asked

Well I think that is it, just remember to proof read, proof read, proof read before submitting a chapter and you could even cons
PreciousRaymond chapter 4 . 1/1/2010
way too similar to your story A Brother's Love, i thought I had already read it! Just looks like you stuck her into the story, without her really changing anything going on. Its a good enough plot, but I just dont see the point
Frozen Fire chapter 19 . 1/5/2007
Why the f is aragorn so old? like come on. And the story is so confusing cause you dont explain things properly. also the character alisa is always yelling, and she changes her mood so quickly.

It was an okay fanifc at best, i mean she even died at the end...
Mad Furry Cheshire Cat chapter 3 . 1/31/2005
This isnt going to be another tenth walker story is it? Good God these stories are so lame. I still think you should write your own ORIGINAL plot and be more descriptive.

OK, so your character is a Mary-Sue, I can live with that, but try and make her a little more realistic for the sake of all of us here.
chibi-mairi chapter 37 . 1/28/2005
Can't say I'm not disappointed. That was ...subpar. You can do far better. I much prefered the first ending. And the chapter lengths for these recent additions have been pathetically short. YOU CAN DO BETTER. Maybe try redoing these last chapters and make them fuller.
Crystal Moon Magic chapter 37 . 1/28/2005
Well, your 2'nd ending is defenetly better, or at the least happier. Although you do have a good idea, I really feel that it could have been better. I sugest that you write down your plotline and develope it and the pionts you want to make BEFOR you start writing. I felt that you didn't know where you were going form one chapter to the next. The charicters also seemed a little flat. It's those moments of conflect that really show who the charicter is, and alows us the reader to bond with them. Having parts of each chapter showing how a charicter (the main ones expeshally) thinks but printing threre thoughts ater the agument also ushally helps

ex. after a fight with the main guy and Girl

Girls POV

How could he! Trying to make ME look foolish infront of my friends! I'll get him back. So help me I will! He'll begging me for mersy befor it's over!

Guys POV

Why did I do that? I didn't come to cayse he anymore truble. But she looks so cute when she's mad... I'll just have to be on my tose for a little wile.

I really feel that you can be a very good writer! You just have to get more practis and put more into your charicters. You should also spend more time explaining some of those flashbacks and dreams. Desribing the 5 sences can really help get a reader traped in your story.

Good luck with your next story!
Eriisu chapter 37 . 1/25/2005
*applauds*

That was great! I love it! I wish you would write a little more though.
IwishSan chapter 37 . 1/25/2005
Great fanfic. I really like the alternative ending to this. D Great job!
IwishSan chapter 35 . 12/29/2004
Hmm...King and Queen of Gondor and Prince and "Princess" of Mirkwood...hmm...interesting. Great job of writing a different ending to this story!
sanchezkm chapter 1 . 12/28/2004
LOL! What the hell? That was gold. Never seen that done before...
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