|Reviews for Boromir's daughter|
| randomglitter chapter 3 . 2/1/2004
You have an interesting idea, but it needs quite a bit of work. For one thing, proper formatting would work WONDERS for your readers' sanity (such as they are.) Proper spelling and punctuation would also work wonders for this... and really, how hard would it be to look up Thranduil and Denethor?
Another thing: putting author's notes in the middle of a story is generally a BAD idea. It totally breaks up the action and jerks the reader out of the story. And your character- I'm not QUITE sure she's a 'Sue, but she's well on her way to becoming one. This is Boromir we're talking about here, remember. Do you really think he'd stand for being disobeyed by his children?
I like the idea of exploring Boromir as a father, so your plot has some potential. I just recommend you put a little more effort into it.
| Saera2 chapter 3 . 3/18/2003
I want more! Other than the numerous grammer mistakes, this is pretty good.
| Joan Milligan chapter 1 . 1/22/2003
Your version is clipped, has punctuation mistakes, lacks style of any sort and is well on the way to introducing quite a Mary Sue. Do fix those things.
See, this chapter is three hundred and thirty six words lord. There are no descpritions, no characterization, and actually very little other than dialogye and an action or two. That is of the bad. Reading such a story is a pretty boring business. Where's the harm in making it longer, thinking a bit before you write?
The little style you do display is uncomfortably modern, and would only do in a humor story, see "for a girl, anyway" versus, "as much as a young woman may thus sound".
Then there is the question of your original character, who is already building up to be a Mary Sue, so be careful where you take her.
At last, get a beta reader. This sort of punctuation is bad for business, and when last I checked, it was the council, not counsel, of Elrond.