|Reviews for The Red Thread|
| Mel Writer chapter 28 . 6/6
Hey, I know you aren't taking Promts anymore, but mind if i give you two anyway?
one: they are both forced to go on a blind date, but with other people. they think they are each other's date, wrongly, but the night goes right anyway.
two: Sherlock is a stripper.
| joycelyn.o.ting chapter 27 . 5/14
Wow you're on a roll! Adore this chapter, especially the little nuggets of Psychology :) Sherlock is great, John is great, everything is just *great* xD Can't wait to read moreeeee
| Indigene Syke chapter 27 . 5/12
Nice chapter! I enjoyed it!
| zZCoalpawZz chapter 26 . 5/6
Any chance that there's going to be a story telling these 'Other Stories'? Enjoyed reading this, and I'm looking forward to their next meet up! See you soon!
| joycelyn.o.ting chapter 26 . 5/6
Heyyy thanks for using my prompt! :) This style of narration somehow reminds me of the Chronicles of Narnia, where the narrator's voice just breaks the fourth wall. It's nice when that happens, but forgive me the criticism: I think you overdid it? Perhaps it's my own taste, but I feel that this type of narration is most effective and desirable when it is injected once in a while at very natural places. The intro, or the first five paragraphs, were quite good and interesting. But then in Para 6:
"John and Jeanette are on their first date. If you were sitting there in that Italian restaurant, you would know that just by looking at them", I think, would've been sufficient, so "even if you did not have me – your trusty narrator – to tell you as much." felt rather redundant and broke the story-telling abit.
Para 9: "And don't you worry, dear reader, because John will meet someone like this very, very soon." I think we never really had cause for worry so asking us not to worry was a little weird (at least for me)? So maybe "And John is about to meet someone like this very, very soon." might've liven things up more, built suspense and all that.
As for "(Interesting enough for you?)", I think you were trying to go for the interactive effect but to me it just felt like the story was cut off. :/
Then another addition almost immediately after:
"(some looking so fresh you can assume they have come from crashing through the glass window mere seconds ago)" It feels kinda crowded and unfortunately irritates me xD
Now this isn't a problem but I think restructuring the sentence to "Usually, it does not involve physically crashing through a glass window." would've made a nice parallel with the previous sentence! :)
I'm sorry if I seem very critical but I don't think this paragraph was really necessary? Because it's a long one and it kinda bored me, cos I didn't really know why I needed to picture him specifically like this.
"I've slowed down the narration in this section, as you can see, because I wished to give you time to get a picture in your mind of the man who crashed through the window by John's table. Are you imagining him now? Shards of glass caught in his dark curls, blood from small cuts smeared over his skin? Good. Now that you've got that image in mind, let's get back to real-time." Going straight to the next paragraph felt more smooth for me.
"Let's give this character a name too, shall we? Let's call him The Attacker. We'll use this name for two reasons. First, it's obvious from his scars that fighting is something he is familiar with, something he has experienced in the past. Second, the title "The Attacker" rather succinctly sums up the man's next movement." I think this could've gone straight to "Let's give this character a name too, shall we? Let's call him The Attacker, which rather succinctly sums up the man's next movement." Because I feel The Attacker is a rather self-explanatory name.
AND HERE A COMPLIMENT!
"on top of a number of other injuries received over the past several moments (I can tell you, dear reader, that this man received quite a lot of injuries before he came into our story)" Now this was, to me, a pleasant addition, because it just felt like the right place to put one. :D
"(It's a good instinct, that.)" This one was good too!
"I might take a moment here, dear reader, to send a quick message." I think a shorter "Now, dear reader, a quick message" would've captured my attention better and faster.
"Perhaps you've heard a similar thing when you've gone to a show, or to a circus: you might have heard the words 'do not try this at home'. " Mmm I think you're repeating, maybe just "You might have heard a similar thing when you've gone to a show, or to a circus: 'Do not try this at home'."
"This is how it plays out:" Now I'm getting a little tired of this chatter by the narrator, and my brain's going all "Yes I know!", which again jolts me out of the story telling.
"Your knowledge is the reason why you know that John is standing above..." seems to have better flow when it's shorter, like "You are aware that John is standing above..."
"(I did tell you, did I not, that this particular character is one that the police are willing to listen to? They don't always listen to him, and they have very good reason for that, but this is one of those occasions when they are willing to take his word.)" A good place to add, but could be shorter: (I did tell you that this particular character is one that the police are willing to listen to? Well, they don't always listen to him, and they have very good reason for that, but this is one of those occasions when they are willing to take his word.)
(that's me, by the way, hello) I think an exclamation mark would portray a more excited, happy you hahaha!
"The Date Crasher – whom I will henceforth refer to as Sherlock, because I can confirm that this unusual-sounding name that the Detective just gave The Date Crasher is, indeed, this man's birth name (or, more correctly, one of his middle names, but it is the name he goes by) – cuts him off." Ooof, too large a gap between "The Date Crasher" and "cuts him off" that you lost me a little. "The Date Crasher – whom I will henceforth refer to as Sherlock, as the Detective called him- cuts him off." would be clearer, in my opinion.
"That's another story. Let's get back to the point." I think "But that's another story." connected to the previous paragraph would've been less... choppy?
And finally, love the ending! But since you ended with "But that's another story", which was very appropriate and rang nicely, the recommendation above could be changed to "But that's a different story." instead?
Alright, this is the longest review I've ever done in my short life, but I hope you're okay with it! I know I should be grateful and happy because you used my prompt (and I am!), but all your other works have been so, so good that I know you can definitely do better with this style of writing. In summary, it's not perfect, but I did enjoy this chapter and thank you for writing! :)
| Julianne Dufrenoy chapter 25 . 3/31
I love this chapter, the unusual POV makes it easily one of the best school AUs I've read :-)
| GenderBender25 chapter 25 . 3/31
Why do I love the unspoken stuff so much? Who cares, this was amazing. Love. Kudos. Like.
Have you done a prompt where one of them is a telepath yet? I'd hate to have missed one where John is trying to figure out if Sherlock is a telepath like him or just lucky or where Sherlock "cheats" via telepathy.
| Morskijez chapter 24 . 2/19
Ohhh this was such a good chapter! You write thoughts and feelings really well! And I feel so bad for John having such a bad father D: at least he met Sherlock so things'll be better for the both of them!
| Indigene Syke chapter 24 . 2/17
Cute. Fun chapter! I liked it. Excited for AUA continuation. Thanks for updating.
| Indigene Syke chapter 23 . 1/15
Sweet! I enjoyed An Unusual Association. This was a good chappie, too. Interesting. Thanks!
| autocorrect chapter 22 . 9/30/2017
man that one was fantastic. for another prompt, how about one where sherlock is hospitalized for an extended period of time and john is a nurse?
| Aelaer chapter 1 . 9/29/2017
Still wanting prompts? If so... I'm a sucker for Sherlock in peril stories. So...
Prompt: John meets Sherlock by saving him from his captors.
If you want a potential idea as to how to make that happen, maybe John took to urban exploration of abandoned areas once he discovered his limp improved with adrenaline rushes? He then hears a car, and sees from a distance that a man is obviously there against his will. That's one scenario if you want it. I'll take anything though :)
| sherryfanfic1999 chapter 1 . 9/11/2017
Oh wow. I really enjoyed reading that. I just couldn't stop myself.*sheepishly grinning*
| joycelyn.o.ting chapter 21 . 9/10/2017
"John turns around and exits the morgue."
It is the middle of the night. I had to stifle the laughter I couldn't control. xD I felt a content happiness reading this chapter, kinda made me miss the good old days where things were simpler. I mean, I love S4 and the complicated drama (it has its perks), but there's a childish touch to the early seasons that's just so joyous. :) And you capture that here. Lovely chapter!
PS: Not sure if this prompt would be interesting enough but I was thinking: Sherlock crashes John's date while trying to apprehend an escaping criminal, and John just instinctively follows him to help, completely forgetting about his date.
| autocorrect chapter 20 . 9/2/2017
Sherlock starts a club as a cover for a social experiment. John is the only one who realizes his motivations, OR, John is the only one who shows up.