|Reviews for Not Allowed|
| Shinigami Merchant chapter 1 . 6/16/2016
sweet yet psychotic and completely Yubel
| TheNotSoTalentedPoet chapter 1 . 5/30/2016
I enjoyed it. Sorry to not be more flashy but I'm blanking on anything more elaborate. Now to awkwardly segue into the reasons why I liked it, I suppose...
Chiefly, the thing that made me like this piece was how well it captured Yubel's thought processes. Even if she (experiencing the dub makes me refer to Yubel by female pronouns as a knee-jerk reaction, despite knowing the she's canonically hermaphroditic) was able to redeem herself, at the time this is apparently taking place, she's full-out obsessed with Judai, and that shows marvelously here. Her utter inability to accept his apparent love for Johan is so true to character it hurts, and the depths to which she's wiling to sink to get Judai to love her and only her also fit the bill. In short, Yubel's characterization was about as accurate as one could hope to portray.
Secondly, the structure and phrasing here is indicative of someone with her state of mind . Single-minded, fairly succinct, and every sentence with Judai's name sells her desperation. It almost makes me believe I'm within her head listening to her go on about him and how desperate she is to get him to acknowledge her and remember his declaration of love. Also, points for having these thoughts be believable, in that I can picture her, as well as anyone in the same scenario, saying and thinking these exact things. Even though this is essentially a soliloquy, you showed a good amount of restraint in not making her wax too much poetic, which might have still worked, but I'm not complaining about this approach.
If I had to offer some criticism (negative, that is) it would be that this was simply all telling. Not telling the audience, per se, but telling nevertheless. I will fully admit that this observation doesn't hold as much water when one considers the prompt it sprang from, but even considering that, there could have been a tiny bit of description and action to offset the inner monologue. Then again, this piece works just fine without it, so it's almost moot. I just didn't want to only point out the positives, really.
Since it's so short, I can't offer much ore on it, but I think it was a very good read overall, and I'll be sure to check out some of your other work.
| firelight3 chapter 1 . 5/9/2016
This and what I believe is its companion fic Forever Love Forgotten, are exactly what I needed to wake up to today! I really enjoy your headcanons for Yubel/Judai's past life, as well as Judai's anxiety during Forever Love Forgotten that I could believe as canon.
Also great job on writing to both fit the writing challenge and the characters' voices, although I feel like this fic could be written more strongly with a couple of longer sentences here and there - to match Yubel's age. The shorter sentences work much better for Judai's POV since he's 7-8, but with Yubel, more variety would make her speech flow more and show more emotion.
Kudos on this/Forever Love Forgotten, can't wait for more soul/spiritshipping fics x'D
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/8/2016
Again, this is really good. Keep up the good work!
| Andrey258 chapter 1 . 5/9/2016
it is absolutely beautyful the way you make yubel apear as the one who does what is right just to make juudai remember the promise of only loving her,aniki. Keep it up with this amazing stories and i might have to ask you on a date,aniki. Be the force be with you.
| TheAgentRed chapter 1 . 5/9/2016
Wait, so who is "he"? It just makes me feel weird that it is not a "she" XD