|Reviews for Gods and Demons: ad terminos terrae|
| Gerbilfriend chapter 8 . 4/14/2017
I loved this chapter. I just really like your Pokémon theory and head canons. I also loved what the vaporeon said too.
| Gerbilfriend chapter 7 . 4/7/2017
His vanity at the end. I really liked how Moriko cared so much about if he wanted do battle or not and the arcane Pokémon was cool.
| Gerbilfriend chapter 6 . 3/26/2017
Thanks for updating, I love your world :)
| Negrek chapter 4 . 10/18/2016
And here, for the double threat...
Interesting introduction of "boosting" here. Obviously it's something you should expect to be common, if you have free trading or just... handing someone else your pokéball, unless there's some vigorous licensing procedure that would make that difficult. And even then you could just release the pokémon, have your pal re-catch it, and do that again in reverse after the match if you were really desperate. But it's not something you see all that often in 'fics, of course. Not sure whether you're introducing it here because it's going to come up later or because you didn't think Rufus' win against the gym leader was very convincing in the previous version and wanted Moriko to have a different way to solve the problem. (iirc he wasn't evolved in the old version, though, so he wouldn't have had to worry about the double weakness...)
Anyway, the gym battle itself was well done, I thought, in particular showing how tricky it can be to try and muscle through with an unfamiliar pokémon, even if it's substantially stronger than the opponent, and how levels/type advantage can be overcome in a fight. It'll be nice to see Moriko actually work with some of her own pokémon in future chapters.
Moriko's pokémon's dejection over not getting to fight was another nice moment of human/pokémon balance for me. Moriko can't just do whatever she wants and have her pokémon go along with it! It also makes sense that they'd be excited to get out and get fighting... they've been waiting for this journey nearly as much as Moriko has, and it's their big adventure, too. Something that gets lost in a lot of fanfics, I think, even if the starter is often all "wow I'm so excited to finally have a trainer!" at the very beginning. I also like how clearly Matt's attitude has rubbed off on Maia (or perhaps she was always a bit arrogant, who knows), although that was something that came across pretty well in the previous version as well.
I do see what you mean about amping up Matt's dickishness in this version, heh. He does come across pretty obliviously mean here-like, not really trying to be an ass, but saying stuff that he thinks is funny or innocuous but which really isn't, from Moriko's point of view. I also think you struck a good balance between "is clearly annoying" and "needs to get kicked out of the group right now;" at the moment he seems to be running at about a "tolerable," and considering the inconvenience of dropping him, it makes sense to keep him around at least until they get bigger/stronger teams.
All in all I'd say this is my favorite chapter of the reboot thus far. I did love the lore in the earlier chapters, but with this one here I think you do the best job of balancing the action with character development and exposition. But I'm also pretty biased in favor of monster fights, so there's that.
| Negrek chapter 3 . 10/18/2016
Eurgh omg I need to step up the pace on my reviewing, clearly.
Eeee, that bit with Angela's group at the beginning. D: So very high school, so very cringe. It's no mystery why Moriko's so closed off and brittle, if she's had to put up with that kind of thing on a regular basis. I'm curious what role Angela's group will have in the story long-term; obviously they're done with the trainer thing by around chapter twenty-whatever, but does that mean they're gone from the plot?
Things did feel a little exposition-y to me in this chapter. Stuff like the different license levels and how starting ages/journeys in general vary between regions is interesting, but there's also a whoooole lot of it in here, it's mostly characters discussing things they already know with each other, and in general I think it might be better to save some of it until when/if it becomes more relevant. Or at the least sneak some of it into a later chapter if it's never going to be terribly important but you want to show it off, so there's less getting dumped here at the beginning.
It's cool to see the plot lurking more prominently here in the beginning-at least I don't remember particular difficulties finding wilds in the old version, or quite as much talk about recent dangers? For me the highlight of the chapter was the encounter with the chrystalis. It's always fun to encounter a pokémon with some personality, and a wild that the trainers interact with in some way other than just beating it up. In general I think you've done a much better job of paying attention to the pokémon in this version, how their feelings and opinions impact the journey and how they exist in the world for themselves, without necessarily relating to humans.
One downside of the scary ronin (some kind of demon?) lurking around is that not a lot really goes on this chapter. The characters try to do stuff, but it mostly fails; it comes down to a lot of walking around, conversing, and the characters being kind of frustrated and kind of bored... definitely realistic, but not the most thrilling to read about, you know? Another reason I appreciated the chrystalis, probably. It's a nice spot of fun and humor against what's otherwise a bit of a downer background, considering Moriko's mood. One reason I suggested cutting down on the exposition a bit; you have stuff like Moriko/Matt's second-crossing heritage that's both interesting and important to establishing the plot and character relationships, but as it is I feel like that got a little drowned in all the other worldbuilding bits that are cool but maybe not as immediately relevant. However, all the setup does provide a solid base for moving forward in the coming chapters, and like I said, it's nice to see the shadow of the plot stretching long even here at the beginning of the journey. Onwards!
| An Author's Pen chapter 2 . 7/28/2016
Once again, I'm enjoying all the world building. Especially the conveniently cut-off history lesson, which seems to imply the pokemon world was colonized by people from earth? The idea of the mystics who people donate food and old clothes to is really cool.
I liked the exploration of the different jobs available. It seems like wanting to be a pokemon trainer is like wanting to be a professional athlete or maybe an actor - highly competitive and highly unlikely. The focus on the mundane definitely makes the world feel more real, though the endless highschool drama was a little much by the end.
Moriko is a sympathetic main character. It's nice that she has such a strong friendship with Russell. Her family is really nasty - I couldn't quite figure out why until near the end when it was revealed that Moriko is a foster child. I haven't quite wrapped my head around what the racial divisions are in this fic, but I like that you've kept the anime hair colors while adding some realistic tension. I also liked the bank account sequence.
I'm slightly confused by the intelligence of pokemon in this world. They all seem to be able to talk, but despite that Moriko's pokemon were basically non-entities in the fic (except in the last scene, which was very cute).
The archaic, poetic style's totally gone in this chapter. I've noticed that people tend to pull out that kind of style for prologues. I think the writing in this chapter is very tight and moves along well. Moriko and Russell's conversation after the bank-account thing in particular stood out to me.
| An Author's Pen chapter 1 . 7/28/2016
I found this an intriguing opening. There's a lot of world-building going on. I like the contrasts you build between the modern formalized battle system and the more warlike past, where battling halls were fortresses and trainers fought alongside their pokemon in the arenas. I really appreciate the attention to detail in the explanations. The mystery of the imprisoned pokemon is also interesting and suspense-fully described.
As for the style, you seem to shift into a more poetic tone sometimes that feels a little overwrought since it's not consistent. I think the contrast you present between past and present would work better if the tone were more unified. Whenever people are talking or thinking about the past the tone gets more archaic and poetic in a fairly noticeable way. I'm not sure which tone you're going for, but the I found the switches jarring.
" . . fists clenched as if grasping a thunderbolt like a god" - this would be a wow line, but it's diminished by the double layers of comparison.
"They'd delved too greedily and too deep, as the poet said"
I'm definitely feeling the Moria vibes
The last line was a little strange. She's chosen to come be gym leader in this place, and has even thought about how people don't stay long in the position, so why would she be thinking in terms of her own imprisonment? It's a good ending line, but to me it doesn't seem to follow from the rest of the chapter.
It's cool you're doing a rewrite like this. I've been aware of this story, but I've always been scared off by the wordcount and disclaimers.
| SunLight chapter 2 . 6/11/2016
I'm really happy to see that you are writing G&D again! I also wanted to check out the new 0-22 because I'm curious what will be changing.
I like the new prologue a lot. I've always been intrigued by Nocturna so it's great to learn more about her. I can't wait to see Moriko et al come face to face with her.
As for chapter 1, I can definitely see the more mature writing and I like that you cut out some of the original filler to get the adventure started sooner. Otherwise I preferred the original early chapters better. Characterization is the main thing - in the old story, Moriko's uncle is a likable character and her aunt / cousin are clearly antagonists, but not overdone. Here it's really difficult to like Moriko's family, which is unfortunate - they raised her and her pokemon, and allowed her to get a pokemon license, so why are they such jerks about her going on a journey? I think Moriko's journey could have been just as exciting if her adopted family was supportive, so she feels the need to prove herself to people who love her.
Everything said, I'm happy that you're back and can't wait to read more :)
| them1ss1ngl1nk chapter 1 . 5/29/2016
Hello there! I saw this version of the fic first and I must admit I was a bit confused at first when I went to the original and saw the rewrite notice - 'wait, chapters 0-22 of this fic are... so then is the new one... arrggh! - but that was really due to my own stupidity and was cleared up when I read these two chapters and then started reading the older version. i just have one question: will there be an update schedule or will it be updated as soon as a chapter is completed? You are an awesome writer and I am glad you came back!
| Negrek chapter 1 . 5/27/2016
IT'S HOOPANING! :O
I like the new prologue a lot! It gives us a nice introduction to demon pokémon while being a lot more immediately, clearly relevant to the story at hand. Perhaps there's a reason to go after that last badge, hmm? (Although it seems rly rly dumb for the League to be keeping the gym up there, given that they must know about The Thing because there's no way all those revolving door gym leaders kept mum about it. I mean tradition be damned, don't be sending kids up the scary mountain with the monster in the basement.)
Also some cool new pokémon on display here, both the demon and the mega electivire/drapion from the battle. The demon in particular is nice and unsettling and monstrous... the other two just sound like they'd be really cool, and the little snippet of battle we got here was well done. It also played well into the idea that gym leaders have these very dramatic personae and are really putting on a show with their battles... Nocturna definitely read as being very elegant and , which you then nicely contrasted with her behind-the-scenes moment where she gets rid of the robes and drops the act. It was a little strange, though, because the battle section is written in a much more ornate style than you usually go in for. At times I think it got a little bit overwrought, like where you used "pronounced" as a speech tag or suddenly "mellifluous."
"Sleeping off its new imprisonment," though, I think you maybe meant "sleeping away" or something similar? Usually sleeping something off is what you do *after* you've done something (e.g. sleeping off a crazy night of partying), so the way you've worded it here makes it sound like the imprisonment is already over, which, clearly not... although I wouldn't be surprised if it expired before the end of the story. ;)
First chapter I'm a little less sold on, although it definitely shows how far your writing's progressed since the original first chapter. Very nice evolution into showing rather than telling, so we don't just get paragraphs, and of course the logic hangs together much better ("what are these starters I have never heard of until now, on this day I am randomly going to get my license"). You definitely do a good job of how bad Moriko's home situation is this go-round-indeed, it's really hair-raising-without Angela being such an incredible brat this time. Also a nice introduction to the regional lore and the relationship of the second- and third-crossing peoples. Again, just presented in a much more interesting way this time around, more subtle and dramatized rather than dumped on the reader.
Moriko's life sucking did get a little much for me by the end of the chapter; that seemed to be, basically, the theme, with even the school counselor being a dick to her for no apparent reason. I'm of two minds on it-the situation with her aunt, in particular, really made it clear what the stakes of this journey are for Moriko, exactly what it is she's trying to get away from. But there was a lot of Moriko's life sucking here, and not so much of the general adventure-y atmosphere I'm usually looking for when I read journeyfic. If I weren't aware of where the story were going, it would probably have put me off a bit. In particular, I thought the school scene at the end felt a bit out of place and gratuitous. Like, if the story had been building up Moriko's issues for a while, I could see something like this being a major point in her character arc, where it's like yay, finally things are looking up for Moriko, but then OH NO crushing disappointment, but at this point in the story I'm not invested enough in her unhappiness for it to have much of an impact. It also doesn't show a clear lead-in to her actually setting off on her journey and ends the chapter on a bit of an odd note, I think.
By comparing what happened in the previous story to what went down in this chapter, though, I imagine you're going to get Moriko out and on the road a lot faster this time around, which I think is a good thing, that being the part of any journeyfic I'm most interested in. XD Looking forward to seeing how you introduce Matt this time around, because I feel like your conception of his character has changed quite a bit from the initial iteration. And all the pokémon, of course! I also liked the way you portrayed Tarahn's relationship with Moriko here. The general terribleness of most of Moriko's life definitely made the importance of her friendships with Russel and Tarahn all the more clear.
Aaaanyway that ended up being a bit longer than expected, but it's great to see these go up! I'm also really glad you're going to keep posting new chapters as well as re-writing the old ones-definitely going to check out 29 next!
| St Elmo's Fire chapter 1 . 5/23/2016
Ooh, you're not capitalizing pokemon! I approve.
I like the description of the battle; it does an excellent job of describing the events in an exciting way without dragging out too long. Some of the descriptive sentences are a bit overwrought, though, and border on being run-ons.