|Reviews for You're Still You|
| gabelou1991 chapter 8 . 6/26
| Erinunu chapter 8 . 5/16
This was fantastic. But the last bit at the end. That last bit. That was pure molten evil. That was worse than cliffhangers(and by worse and evil, i mean incredibly deliciously fantabulous) You need to make that 9th chapter now. Plz. Thou does begs of you... Eth.
| Guest chapter 5 . 8/2/2014
Ch5: "feel up to a spar? I need to beat somthing"
Thats what she said!
| crazyguy55 chapter 8 . 9/15/2012
For someone with the name candyland you wrote a very disturbing fanfic.
| Lychee Green Tea chapter 8 . 5/9/2008
Holy cow! That was freaking amazing! I don't think I have any criticism for this! Yeah...no...I've listed everything on my fingers already. Spelling? Grammar? Plotline? Characterization? Technique? Everything is as good as literature can possibly be, and that's definitely a feat to accomplish.
So...good job would be a major understatement, but good job for lack of a better phrase!
Keep it up and take care,
| Keith Kaizer chapter 1 . 2/19/2008
Very well written and organized. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it.
| mi-chan he7 chapter 2 . 2/12/2008
i really don't know what's going on actually,, ha7,,
i'm totally clueless,,
but i hope it'll be interesting, i'm curious now
| Kitten Kisses chapter 8 . 7/6/2007
A pretty good ending. Things don't always turn out like we want them to, which holds true here. Unfortunately, nothing that happened to Videl is really discussed in length by her and Gohan, which leaves things a little...open, I think.
This might be annoying.
I read your reviews. Some were right, some were wrong, and some weren't really flames (but I bet you thought they were).
First off- yes, this is a cliche'd (sorry, I don't have an accented e on this keyboard, since I'm using a laptop- no shortcut numberpads) story. But honestly, they're in every fandom. So you shouldn't let something like that get to you. Cliche'd or not, some people can manage to bring a story like this into something good.
I'm not going to flame you. Don't think this is a flame. I'm busy thanking God that you can write well. First, as I say in my bio, I tend to really look at, and critique fics dealing with things like this. Sorry if my review is a little random and rambly. It's past midnight and I'm not used to staying up late.
Readers, thank God she can write, that's all I can say about that. The whole rape thing's been done a thousand times, but here's what you can be thankful for.
1) It's written well.
2) Every detail isn't described.
3) It wasn't Gohan that did it. It wasn't Vegeta that did it. IT WAS A RANDOM GUY. (AND THANK GOD IT WASN'T HERCULE.)
There you go. Now, onto the concrit.
With a generic plot, you have to do something to spice it up. I wrote one rapefic. (I hate calling it that, but I can't think of anything else...darkfic?) Never finished it. I should, but I had a hard time doing so.
The bad thing about the FFN community, is that I've seen some downright shitty (excuse my language) fics. Especially concerning serious things such as this. I've read stories where Character A was raped by Character B, and they fell in love. I've read stories where Character A was raped, but after Character B asked her on a date, everyting was A-OK again.
And while this was nothing like those (thank God), I don't think you really approaced the subject as well as you could have. You're a good writer. Sure, you make the same mistakes all of us are prone to make, but you make an effort to write well. That's what counts. That's why I'm bothering with writing this.
I don't care if it's four years old. I wish people would review my stories like I review stories like this. (I'm not that lucky.)
Anyway, Videl was raped. But it's never really broached or brought up by anybody directly. It should have been. The problem with this widespread obsession on this site is that people read stories like this (which are pretty good), and still know nothing about what rape really is all about. I've never experienced something so terrible, but I know someone who has, and has a kid because of it. It's not pretty. It's actually really terrible.
I'm not saying that you didn't acknowledge that. On the contrary! But I don't think you acknowledged it enough. (Am I making any sense? I'm not sure right now.)
Considering what happened, the characters were fairly well in character (more than what I can say for most stories). Videl didn't "miraculously" recover from this. Thank the Lord.
Some thoughts would have been wonderful. Lots of thoughts- more description. Stories like this NEVER get enough thoughts that are realistic.
For example, Character A might be afraid of going back to her room. Maybe she'd like to switch rooms, or she'd be afraid of taking showers. Maybe she'd check under her bed, in her closet, behind her dresser, etc, before she went to sleep.
Now, I do agree with one "flamer". Enough with the Gohan torture. In a fic like this, it just doesn't belong. At all. NO. Angst? Yes. Humor like that? Not a chance.
If you were raped, would you find get-together jokes even remotely funny? No. You wouldn't. I almost guarantee it. Nobody would be pressuring anybody into getting with anybody else.
As it's been a few years, though, I'm sure you know all that by now. :)
I think the Gohan torture, and the lack of real emotion in this are my only complaints. There was emotion, but it was like I couldn't feel it. I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's just me? I'm obsessively picky with fictions like this, and I've read some that were so terrible they'd make you cry out in pain. This definitely wasn't one of them. I would have left a flaming review at chapter one if it was. As you can see, I finished the story. :)
(The worst one I've ever read by far was one in the Pokemon section. The second worst was in the InuYasha section (the date example above was this one.)
Honestly though, good work.
I got some GREAT reviews from my own darkfic (Take Me Away). It's not for this section, but I learned a lot from some great reviewers who I've ended up becoming friends with.
I originally started mine as a story to raise awareness on the issue. "Rape isn't funny; it's not to be taken lightly." That kind of thing. And reviewers seemed to like that. Other things that were mentioned to me:
1) Emotion is key. Use it wisely. You can use it to make someone cry, or make them laugh.
2) Plot is really important.
3) Take your sweet time with the romance. Ignore all the idiot reviewers whose only thought is "WILL THERE BE SOME CHARACTER A/CHARACTER B SOON?" When there is rape in a story, you've got to take the romance as slowly as possible. My story is different than yours in this way, of course, because CharA and CharB (and CharC as it's a triangle) aren't romantically involved already; just members of a group. While in yours, Gohan and Videl are already good friends. But when something so dark is inserted into a timeline (no matter where it is), it kind of slaps itself between everything, making it hard for Character A and Character B to continue on doing waht they were doing beforehand. It's almost like they have to start all over! You did pretty good with that. Why? Because there wasn't a bunch of sex in the end that was just a "Cureall". I can't even bother to REVIEW a fic that does that.
(Yes, I read a story once where Character A and Character B had sex the next day after Character A was raped. WTF?)
4) Don't leave out romance completely. Just because they're not kissing doesn't mean that Character B can't be concerned about Character A, wondering how he can help her, blahblah, etc. You can even have an off-side romance (like VegetaBulma or something).
5) Enjoy writing what you're writing. If you don't enjoy it, nobody else will enjoy reading it. I think that was my biggest problem on ALL stories I've ever written. If I found myself dragging through a chapter, none of the reviewers liked it. Which sucked for me, but it did help. Now, I'm much more inclined to abandon a story rather than try and finish it, and disappoint people with my slipshod work. Luckily, you didn't really do that. You seemed to press on until the end, which is wonderful! (I wish I could do that!)
6) Any reviewer is great. Even if they say your story isn't so good. (If they say something obnoxious, it's not good, or if they say it just sucks, but they give no reason, they're not good.) For example, when someone tells me, "This sucks", it gives me no indication of WHY it sucks. That drives me insane! Everybody likes a good review, but sometimes a bad one can be a Godsend. Even if they say it in an offensive way, it can be helpful. At least they took the time to tell you what you are doing wrong, right? If it's an outright insult, with nothing to back up why they dislike the story, however, they're just a loser who has nothing better to do, and should be disregarded.
Someone reviewed my own story and said this: "because as I have come to understand it, rape is mostly about control and power...dominance. It isn't so much for the sexual aspect of it as it is the need for "control," to "sate the desire of having one do your bidding without question, without argument.""
Even if you never write another story like this, you might find that interesting. I dunno. I'm fasinated with things like this- not to mention cutting, and anorexia/bulemia, etc. Why does it happen? Who does it happen to? How can it be prevented? Blah blah blah. I've been doing a lot of research on it all for years. (Yeah, I'm a loser who does nothing but work and research odd things...)
I think I've fried your brain enough (from my ongoing ramblings). I'll leave you alone now.
One last thing! I don't know how you feel about reviews... but even after 29 reviews for chapter 8 of my darkfic... I still can't find the drive to write another chapter. It's sad. Pathetic even. I've seen a few authors in this section do the "5 more reviews and you'll get the next chapter" thing, and then they leave the story hanging anyway. Always priceless, that is.
I thought you might find that amusing! Keep writing. Don't worry if you get a reviewer who doesn't like your story. If YOU like your story, that's all that matters, so long as you put thought and effort into it.
Thanks for a good read!
-Manna (Kitten Kisses)
| Kitten Kisses chapter 7 . 7/6/2007
Well, I'll be honest:
THANK YOU for taking into consideration the fact that Gohan doesn't swear like a sailor. I do, and so do a lot of writer's here, but Gohan does not.
Actually Videl doesn't really either. "Oh, well GOSH!" is something she ACTUALLY says in the episode where she finds out Gohan and Saiyaman are one and the same. Seriously. Most writer's have them flinging the 'f bomb' out all over the universe.
You are awesome for not doing that.
And Gohan and Videl think their families tease them badly? They should see what a bunch of factory worker's can do. Wow, they have some really messed up minds! LMAO!
Poor Videl- knowing this other woman had died while she lived. It's gotta be hard to comprehend that.
| Kitten Kisses chapter 6 . 7/6/2007
Aww, Piccolo. I always thought he was a sweetheart! (And he is!)
Goten is still the cutest!
I wish there were more guys out there JUST like Gohan. Man, he's such a supportive man. Argh! Frustrating world, isn't it? Videl doesn't know how lucky she is!
| Kitten Kisses chapter 5 . 7/6/2007
Aw, Goten! Damn, I just love the little guy. Why couldn't I have a younger brother like that? I have three younger siblings (two brothers and a sister), and I'll tell you one thing- none of them were like that. Psh. Did I get gyped?
Hmm... Anyway, poor Gohan! With Videl pushing him away like that, he must really be hurting. He's such an emotional guy. Aw...
The only thing I thought was out of place was where Hannah keeps teasing her. If she really was so scared, Hannah would probably be too nice to say something like that. Just a thought. :)
| Kitten Kisses chapter 4 . 7/6/2007
Actually, no matter what fandom you're in, this concept has been done before. Maybe not as twisted as the version I used for one of my own stories (well, probably not even close), but usually a variant or five is in every section. :D
Poor Goten doesn't understand. Good Lord, he is so cute. I just adore him! And his little drawing even made ME smile, and I couldn't see it! (A friend of mine's 7-year old daughter drew me a whole sketchbook of pictures! Little horses and centaurs and stuff. Soo cute!)
| Kitten Kisses chapter 3 . 7/6/2007
Hahahaha, nice last line. I've never heard "have a cat". It's always been "have a cow". ;)
This was a pretty good chapter. It's a good thing Gohan was there to bring her back from her coma! Also, they do say that people in a coma can hear you talking to them, and that it may actually help to talk to them (which is great).
| Kitten Kisses chapter 2 . 7/6/2007
Hm, an interesting chapter. Wow. Bulma and Vegeta find out first? Very interesting! I wonder if Gohan felt her ki drop or anything, to alert him in any way as to what was happening. Hmm...
| Kitten Kisses chapter 1 . 7/6/2007
I haven't read this yet, but...
JOSH GROBAN? Holy cow! Someone knows he exists, other than me (and a sixty year old guy I work with)? Wow! How great is that? Sure, this is three...four years old, but still!
Josh Groban is, in my opinion, the most talented male singer there is. His voice is magnificent! I could listen to him all day long. So talented! I'm not a fangirl or anything odd; I just recognize talent when I hear/read it. And boy, that man has talent! This is a great song!
Now, I'll review the story.
Wow. First of all, the beginning was interesting. Videl purposefully trying to look super pissed off to keep people away was a good idea. It sounds like something she would do, since she acts a little tempremental.
Chloroform is really cool. Why? Because the first time I ever heard about it was in a Nancy Drew novel. And gah, those were cool! (Well, they were. They're written rather crappily, because I tried to read one two years ago and nearly died of boredom.)
Whoa. Pretty mysterious and yet...intruiging. I've gotta keep reading. The only mistake I saw was "coaxed" instead of "coax". So good work there!