|Reviews for The Amazing Spiez Season Three|
| 4MBMD chapter 1 . 9/4
| PurpleDragonfly1 chapter 1 . 10/21/2016
Hi, I'm a new person on Fanfiction and just recently got into Amazing Spiez. I was browsing through Fanfiction and found this fanfic. So, I thought that I'd give you my opinion and offer to help brush up any of your writing skills.
I'm going to start off by saying how amazing your writing is. This is one of the few fanfics that I feel could be an episode from Amazing Spiez itself.
As a writer, my biggest no-no in fanfic writing is adding OC that will have a relationship with the main characters, however, you did it perfectly. You made sure the characters didn't seem Mary Sue-ish and you kept the characters in character.
I absolutely adore the way you write, it just seems so natural and flows of the tongue. One thing you should consider is getting a beta or proofreading your work as I can notice a few errors. "Quickly, he looked down on his boats," doesn't really make sense.
I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter, will Tony and Fiona ever be the couple they were meant to be?
| Legendary Biologist chapter 4 . 9/30/2016
Ah, okay. So here's where the adventure starts! I like that the heroes spend their time figuring out how they can carry out their mission effectively, such as discussing if they'd better split up. Then, the idea is rebutted by a logical reason: one against three or four foes won't be good.
As I read, I noticed that descriptions are sparse. Because this is an adventure story, description of the surrounding is crucial for immersing the readers. Like when they're at the courtyard, the journey can use more visuals or any description that brings up the other senses (hearing, smell, etc). When they walk at the courtyard, maybe you can add something like the howling wind (hearing), scent of fresh cut grass (smell), etc.
When they encounter the intruders, I really like the tension and how you describe what those people do. Making the painting shrink with a ray gun so that it fits in the briefcase. What a crook! And then, I just like the description of Monsieur Gillete. Short, but concise. I can practically imagine him in my head haha. Round and heavy. ;)
At some places, the adverbs make things redundant. Like at the earlier part [Tony enthusiastically hopped up.], you can remove [enthusiastically] because Tony hopping up already shows that he's enthusiastic. Also, adverbs tend to slow down everything without adding anything, which won't be good for the tension. So when Monsieur Gillette carries the briefcase, you can remove [gingerly] and later, when Megan opens her briefcase, you can also remove [quietly].
What a cliffhanger! Tony collapses? What about the others? What will happen next? I guess I just have to read on.
| taco chapter 10 . 9/25/2016
Continue this is getting good
| taco chapter 9 . 9/25/2016
This was good.
| Legendary Biologist chapter 3 . 9/16/2016
This chapter starts out rather casual, but as I read on, I see that Tony's relationship with Fiona seems to be growing. That's good, but then, there's Kasey. However, Tony seems to view Fiona as just a friend, unlike how he views Kasey (a girlfriend). But I wonder if that's gonna change later on. There seems to be a little teaser when Fiona refuses to sit with Tony and Kasey.
I get a chuckle when Tony is slowly getting tired of staying with Kasey. Love how you weave the description with how Tony feels. Poor guy is getting crammed with so many people at a table. Not comfortable at all! XD
The descriptives in this chapter are very good. Particularly at the first scene. I can see how crowded and messy the cafeteria is. After that, the moment Tony leaves the cafeteria, it's also described well. It sure is more quiet outside that cafeteria.
A part of the narrative that I think can use more description is the basketball game. The description there is already pretty good (dribbling, shooting, the cheering crowd, etc), but how does 'on offense' look like? More visuals will make the match more immersive and suspenseful.
Throughout this chapter, typos aside, I notice the lack of commas at some places (a persistent grammar stuff). A comma is necessary before and after addressing somebody. Like this: ["Hey Tony,"], the grammatically correct one is ["Hey, Tony,"]
And that ending is a good way to keep the reader hooked. Seems like there's another task for Tony...which prevents him from watching Lee's and Jeff's match. I wonder how his adventure will turn out.
All in all, this chapter may be more filler-ish when compared to others, but it's still a fun read (especially the basketball match). Nicely done!
| Legendary Biologist chapter 2 . 9/9/2016
Back again. :)
You do really well in the adventures. Now, we have Tony and Fiona scouting a school. Really love the moment when they try to think of a way to snoop around. They're at a school, and it's gonna be hard to stay hidden.
The scene with the young boy is both tense and funny. Tony and Fiona are very good at acting heh, though I'm also pretty much afraid of them getting caught. Good thing that they manage to escape with that. Else they'll find themselves in a big trouble.
There are many interesting things going on. Martha (Marta?) wearing a gas mask at school may be something unusual. Then there are kids falling asleep in the room she's in while she's awake. Sleeping gas may be on work here. Then, Tony and Fiona planting the tracker on her leaves a hint that she may just have a bigger role in the story.
The shrinking mole incident is pretty suspicious, too. Marc is correct; there's no mole cream that can cause shrinking moles. Something weird is going on, and that's very, very interesting.
As I read, I notice that there are a few typos throughout the chapter. But they are mostly minor ones, which can be easily picked up if you do a reread or run this chapter through an online spellchecker or a word processor. The only thing that spellcheckers or word processors can't catch is the typo in the names, though. Like Dr. Marta/Martha.
This chapter sure has built up a lot of intrigue! Good work!
| Legendary Biologist chapter 1 . 9/2/2016
Coming from Review Exchange fandom blind! :)
First off, your character interaction is very good. At first, it just seems like a normal day for Tony and co. And everybody spends their time chatting/gossiping. That really makes everybody alive here.
The gossip about Mindy looking like a raccoon gives me a serious chuckle. What a topic to discuss! XD
I like how you portray Tony having a crush on Kasey. It shows through the narrative, in which he's simply stunned by Kasey's appearance. Her movement and everything down to a single detail just mesmerize him. It is a good way to show Tony's crush.
And again, I like the casual dialogue/chat sprinkled throughout the story, like how people talk about Tony's feat (getting a girlfriend like Kasey) and the thing about Mr. Hart. It makes everybody human here.
Another part that makes Tony even more relate-able is how the school bell sounds like a music to Tony ears. Everybody loves when it's the time to go home for sure!
Things do get more serious later on, when everybody falls into a secret base. Now, our heroes have a mission to do, and I wonder how things will turn out.
When it ends, I like how Fiona remains cool, calm, and apathetic towards Tony. Poor Tony getting in a mission with such a stern person. :P But here, I see potential character development and more interesting interactions between the two. I think it's gonna be amazing!
- Be careful of run-ons. I notice some very long sentences throughout the work. But that's not too hard to fix; a reread is usually enough to catch 'em all. Longer sentences are very tiring when you read it in your mind, and when you catch one, try thinking of adding commas or splitting them into a few shorter sentences.
- I think this story can use more descriptions for the setting. You've got nice visuals of the secret base, but other parts (the cafeteria, etc) can use more descriptions to make the writing more immersive.
- When Tony and Megan fall into the secret base, it confuses me a bit. Is the base located under the school or something? Some in-story clarifications (descriptions will come handy here) will be nice.
That aside, this is a pretty good start!
| RoboDiamondDragon09 chapter 10 . 8/26/2016
XD I expected Megan to do it! But this is way better! XD But... Not good for Marc! D:
Awesome chapter though! Update soon! :)
| RoboDiamondDragon09 chapter 9 . 8/2/2016
Haha Lee really needs to catch up on grades. XD
Awesome chapter! Can't wait for the next one! Keep up the awesome work!
| RoboDiamondDragon09 chapter 8 . 7/25/2016
Amazing chapter! Keep continuing this amazing fanfic! :)
| RoboDiamondDragon09 chapter 7 . 7/11/2016
Aww. That's cute! Tony might get another girl again!
Amazing chapter! Can't wait for the next one!
| RoboDiamondDragon09 chapter 6 . 7/3/2016
Aww. Poor Tony!
Awesome chapter though, keep it up!
| RoboDiamondDragon09 chapter 5 . 6/26/2016
Awesome chapter! Keep up the amazing work!
| RoboDiamondDragon09 chapter 4 . 6/26/2016
Amazing chapter! Keep it up!