|Reviews for The league of smuts|
| usermechanics chapter 30 . 7/21
As much as I prefer having to write a review at the end of a story to see what has gone throughout the fic's lifespan, I have found myself stopping at this particular chapter. Actually, that is not the case; I stopped at chapter 5 and skipped around, hoping that there was improvement from what I read in the beginning, and unfortunately, there wasn't a lot.
The smut is bland. It's completely sterile and bereft of emotion. It feels like you're trying to be family-friendly with a subject which is by its very nature something that you cannot make family-friendly. You use the simplest of terms, even when it's not appropriate (with the term penis being a special offender in how unsexy it is). You're always bare-bones in your material, and it reads like an amateur trying to figure out his voice. That would be cute if I weren't reading chapter 30.
The exposition, too, is rather hackneyed because of this. It's a difficult task integrating OC's and canon characters, because the OC usually doesn't have anywhere near the amount of development that any of the other characters end up with. It's a double-edged sword in that you can create interesting interactions that far surpass the quality of the lore that you are provided, or you can just use it as an excuse to have a ridiculously hot fucksleeve. That's in the nature of OC smuts, and it's usually a downside, but it's probably the most blatant, at least of what I've seen, in this fic.
Measurements, measurements, measurements. You use them a lot. Don't. "Six inches" is sterile. Use arms to compare to dicks. Have it rub against her stomach and show his length like that. Measure breasts by the handful, not by the cup size (which changes depending on where you are, by the by, and not a lot of people reading this material know offhand what a D cup truly is, for example).
And the flow, dear god, is ruined by your outright lack of periods. Ending a line with a comma should be used for emphasis, not as a typical device that you rely on to be a part of your writing unless it's deliberately stylistic. It doesn't work here; the smut needs a flow and the punctuation you use dictates how the reader will read it. You probably stopped for a moment after you read "read it" because you expect it to be a full stop in my thoughts, because I intended it to be like that. That's why I wrote it like that. Do the same with your smut, and use full stops at the ends of paragraphs and for line breaks, except when outright necessary.
And for chapter 30 in particular, you crammed an hour in four lines (not even sentences; god knows what these chopped-up fragments on different lines are). Figure out how to pace, too; I read those lines in about fifteen seconds and it didn't seem like a marathon at all.
And I hate being this guy. I hate being the guy who bashes writing, but there's just so much that can be improved on that would make this better than a generic smut. It's how it reads: it's generic, and the writer lacks a sense of voice and control over his story. It's not detailed at all, so it reads like a mockery of amateur erotic role-plays (tab a into slot b shit shouldn't be in your smut; come on now, we're all here for the sex). It's not erotic. I'm sorry, but this fic isn't erotic in the slightest: it's blander than saltine crackers between two pieces of white bread because there's salt in the saltines.
| Guest chapter 38 . 5/19
Do a threesome with Katarina and Ashe with lots of lesbian action. Maybe he finds them making out somewhere and it is revealed that they are secretly dating for a while now and they fuck him so he stays quiet
| Guest chapter 38 . 5/12
Zyra x Asiv
| Guest chapter 38 . 4/19
| Orrochi chapter 38 . 4/18
| Guest chapter 38 . 4/17
ahri amaya asiv!
| Darkiller3 chapter 38 . 4/17
Zyra x Asiv
| Guest chapter 37 . 4/13
please do some more ahri!
| Praise Asiv chapter 37 . 4/12
OUR LORD HAS RETURNED.
| Guest chapter 37 . 4/12
That one was pretty bland and uninteresting.
But overall hope you bump up your writing game
Mud Gang 2006
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/10
Dude its been 4 months since your last chapter bro.
| are you serious man chapter 37 . 4/12
Haven't you realize how fucking bad your story is? And dear god I've read every single chapter and not one single improvement has been developed. I regret reading this shitty story so bad that I wish that the memory eraser from men in black exist. And this chapter is so short and I bet it's short as your dick. Your OC is bad that I could think of any word on how bad it is. I've read every single reviews and all I read is just pairing request, and others are REAL reviews to help you to improve, but no, you stayed below mediocre, you are lazy, all you care about is reviews and sex. And holy fucking shit, how come this story has so many follows? Wtf. Hello, are they fucking blind on how fucking terrible this is? You better improve, take notes from those REAL reviews or... stop writing at all.
| john19i chapter 36 . 2/18
asiv x sweat heart sona
also please continue asiz x evelynn
| Dusse chapter 36 . 2/4
As it was mentioned already, make him screw Vayne, she deserves something aswell.
| What tf chapter 33 . 2/3
Hey do Ahri x Evelynn