|Reviews for Ascension|
| hippiemama59 chapter 1 . 6/28/2019
This is a satisfying read as it fills in some of the situations I wondered about when I read Shannon Hale's "Goose Girl". Thanks for making the next-in-line brother so human and not lacking in feeling towards his haplessly dethroned elder sister.
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/16/2019
This is a totally awsome story. Shannon Hale worthy! Congrats I love your writing
| kv02D chapter 1 . 9/3/2018
| md chapter 1 . 9/12/2016
Start of story had me confused. Character sounds very young, and then much younger.
I became interested and involved in the story, but...then the father's death...What? it needs more emotion and detail.
Are you limited on how much you can write? The story moved far to quickly and needs "fleshing" out.
You have a good idea...just write down more details.
| EeveeGen9988 chapter 1 . 6/10/2016
Hmm... I think you did a great job with the story... but I think it could have been better if the scenes held more emotion... I mean, it was a bit harder to feel engaged with the story because of that... It's hard to understand how it is affecting the characters, especially Calib (unless he's usually like this) because I felt as though when Ani asked him if he knew about this he seemed more uncaring (which I felt he felt when he shrugged instead of answering her) than guilty... *tips head to one side* Personally, I feel as though having more emotions can truly make it more realistic because it's good to have the readers feel engaged with the story, so it helps to express what the characters were feeling. Typically because I think it's effective for a story.
Other than that, you're grammar is pretty good and I didn't really see anything wrong with it! :3
I don't quite understand why the queen didn't like how Ani could talk to animals. I mean c'mon, isn't the idea of talking to animals awesome! You could just finally understand what goes on with them and can express how you feel to them and they feel to you! :D If I had the ability to talk to animals, I could finally converse with my cats and get a good idea for how they view the world!
| FullMentalPanic chapter 1 . 6/8/2016
I'm delighted to get some perspective from other members of Ani's family. You really do wonder about the timing over this and who knew what and when, and what Calib's reaction to it was. Even though he was only there briefly, the king was such a likable character in the book I'm glad he still makes an appearance.
The short sections said what they needed to and then moved on to the next point of interest. I thought they were very effective. Having the Queen convince Calib when he was 10 worked excellently. You can see he was kind of strong armed into it, and by the time he's old enough to make a more reasoned response he'll already be used to and expecting things to stay as they are. I really appreciate how you show he does care for Ani and how this situation produces all this guilt and distance between them. Even though the ending is kind of sad, you still get the feeling Calib is going to do his absolute best, and I like to think he and Ani reconciled later in life. Good title!
| Chronic Guardian chapter 1 . 6/7/2016
Hmm... Not bad. You're sections are pretty short (not unlike some other Saucers I've known...) which feels kind of choppy at first. I mean, each one says what it needs to say for the big picture, but it doesn't flow quite as well as it could. You don't need to do much to fix it, but expanding just a little more might help your style reach its full potential. For a first attempt though, it's not too shabby at all.
You do a good job developing both the conflict and Calib. I feel like a little more attention for other characters might help, but then again maybe it's just a sign that I should be reading the books instead (now there's a thought...).
I like the sun rising in the last scene. It makes for a great thematic contrast with Calib rising to the throne and the world going on just as it always has whether he wants it to or not. There's a funny duality of power and helplessness in that moment that seems to characterize the public and private Calib, respectively. Although Ani is only briefly there, she also gives a good foil to his character. Through Calib's feelings towards her situation, we can see that he cares about justice and doing a good job. These are things that will serve him well later on.
Oh, and of course good job with the prompt. I'm liking all the different takes I'm getting out of this one. Thank you for joining us and adding yours to the stack!
Nice work on taking that first step, Sororina, it can only go up from here!
| Aviantei chapter 1 . 6/6/2016
Greetings there, Soror! While it will be the first review I shall give you, hopefully it shall not be the last. Also, well, I haven't read this book yet, but I'm sure I can handle a little spoiler stuff. I mean, I already went through CG's piece...
I have to say, you managed to make a lot happen in such a short amount of words! The smaller segments were a tad bit jarring at first, but I adjusted into the flow really quickly. I don't have enough context to tell how much is references to canon material, but the arc flows really well throughout.
Personally, I would have liked to see a little bit more of the emotional conflict when Calib is announced to be the heir, but that's about it. The acceptance and determination at the end is a great place to leave off. An excellent use of the prompt for this week, and a great start to your time writing fanfiction!
And that's about all I got. If you ever have any sort of writing goals you want feedback on, I'm here.
On to the rest of summer~
| laughingbelle chapter 1 . 6/6/2016
I love this. I really like the dynamic between Calib and Ani. The ending is so heart-wrenching though! I wish they had been able to reconcile before she left :(