|Reviews for Harry Hadrian Snape and the Sorceror's Stone|
| EyeskaHurtska94 chapter 6 . 8/3
So far, the story is very good! However, in writing the paragraphs at times there is a little choppiness- for example, in the last chapter, the last sentence that mentioned Draco going to sleep in his own bed was very random and spontaneous. In a paragraph that spoke of high spirits, that didn't fit well. It didn't need to be added- the fact that he would sleep in his own bed is implied, and such a small detail that it would hardly be missed. I think that you were overcompensating for the fact that you had earlier said that Harry had awoken with Draco in his bed (they're 6, so the babies just shared the bed). Maybe adding more details about them going to bed or getting ready for bed and sliding that it would allow it to fit in better. Small inconsistencies like that exist, but it's nothing that a beta reader or an extra day editing wouldn't fix.
As for Harry- I feel the need once more to mention that he is 6. For some reason, he speaks incredibly lucidly- too lucidly, I would say, for his age. What would a traumatized, abused 6-year-old know of sexual abuse? When asked if the Dursley's abused him in different ways, other than beat him, Harry starts spouting the verbal and physical abuse that happened to him and assures them that there was no sexual abuse.
Firstly, the question itself coming from an adult was totally inappropriate. I don't know how on earth Harry would be exposed to such high voculabulary such as abuse, let alone the three different types and be aware of it. The Malfoys should have asked something simmilar to 'How did they hurt you,' as hurt is something that cognitively a child would be able to understand and associate with wrong.
Harry's response was even more ridiculous- I had to remind myself that this was a child! I work with six-year-olds, and while some certainly do speak very well most don't have that level of vocabulary and some still have a hard time pronouncing words. As an abused child, Harry was surprisingly forthcoming in how he was hurt and what happened. If he was older and more vindictive, then yes. maybe that would have been his response. But when on earth did he go from physically abused to strong and sassy?!
I was waiting for the signs of his abuse to show himself- maybe he woke up extremely early to make a perfect breakfast (I have no idea how that's plausible, but since he learned cooking at age 3 and made food for the Dursleys, no matter how inconsistent that may be, it follows the story. Which works. I certainly would have been able to ignore that or brush it off- we're not professionals out here, and it could be just for fun or to serve the purpose of the plot.) and flinches everytime someone gets close. He should be quieter and withdrawn too- a lifetime of getting beaten for having opinions and thoughts?!
Anyways, Harry's response should have been 'they hit me and called me bad things.' or something else. They Malfoys should've pushed for more specifics (naturally- and they do do that, though they speak to him more as of an adult than a child) and obviously Harry gets withdrawn because they keep demanding (traumatized, hello! Don't worry, it never gets old. It's something that can stay with one for years and years, not cured by virtual strangers. Hmmm... are those grounds for a panic attack? I don't know, you tell me ;) and once they're satisfied that there was no sexual abuse then they should've let up.
Wow. Way to uncover all the skeletons in one go.
I don't want to rewrite all of the scene here or anything, or tell you how your book should go- I'm just trying to give an example of how a situation would make more sense, given the circumstances.
| TechnoGalen chapter 5 . 6/10
F**k off and die you sick yaoi b***h.
| amsev chapter 3 . 4/26
Enjoying your AU so far (love AU stories)! Looking fwd to reading more about Nagi, too.
| Gracie15Trowa chapter 23 . 4/18
I wonder what happened to remus and the dogfather ? Good fic i wonder if you started chapter 2 and the rest?
| TheMagicOfHogWarts27 chapter 1 . 2/16
Neville was born on the 30th and Harry the 31st
| Phoenix6975 chapter 23 . 2/11
your fic is good. only a bit rough on the edges
| InsomniaticNarcolept chapter 23 . 1/19
Oh shit please update soon
| Femalefan chapter 14 . 1/17
Not bad but you could get another beta to help fix the spelling and grammar.
*Names and places are always capitalized i.e Slytherin or Ravenclaw
You're- You are
| magicanimegurl chapter 23 . 12/6/2017
I love the friends Harry has and that Sev is his family. I hope Harry sees and gets along with Remus and Sirius again. I wonder who the true villain is. I await the moment Dumbles and the Potters are taken down. So far love it. Though I don't really like his name as Harry Hadrian... other than that. I can't wait to read the installments. Update and write on!
| thestralqueen147 chapter 4 . 12/4/2017
How the hell do they not question how the driver died when Harry was hit by the car? Is it even possible for that to happen?
| melissa.mcginnis3 chapter 5 . 11/27/2017
Interesting, another version with Dumbles being darker than Tom. I think this will be going into my favourites along with Harry Crow.
| IIEarlGreyII chapter 2 . 11/21/2017
Just terrible. I have seen a lot of lazy writing, but this one gets a gold medal. This is more like a summary of a story rather than an actual literary work. Definitely skip this one.
| lilikaco chapter 22 . 11/15/2017
Oh I thought the master was Dumbledore lol
| lilikaco chapter 21 . 11/15/2017
Who is he?
| lilikaco chapter 20 . 11/15/2017