Just one comment there is a free app called grammarly it as a grammer, punctuation, spell check and style check to help with your english. you can get it at grammarly dot com

Well shit. And here I thought I found a good story and it turns out it's getting a rewrite. How sad and disssappinting. Guess I'll go check it out.

Hmmm curious things you added there at the end. Quite curious. Don't know if it's a good or bad thing. I'm not super excited about it but I'll try to stay neutral on that point. Everything seems to be going pretty good actually.

I'll be honest a little dissapointed. You gave him a lighting bolt spell. Yet you never have him use it. It like he is only focused on the fire ball. Gold is one of the best electric conductors out there. Could have finished the fight in 1 strike atleast. So unless its some magical type armor which I doubt cause observe should should seen it. So I'm gonna give you a bone and say it's because Harry is still a child and doesn't know that. And that his Hero complex has him obsessed with the fire ball. But I'll tell you if you keep going like this. The story will stagnate.

I would definitely atleast spend 2 points and level up luck to 5 to get the bonus from it. Luck can play a very good part in quests and loot.

Pretty good. Tho I do hope he doesn't go telling people about the gamer powers. God knows most stories just go downhill from there. Also hope you don't go with the troupe of Luna Lovegood being a mysterious girl that shows up and boom starts speaking about his gamer powers or they whole unspeakables know what the gamer is God knows stories God ruined cause of that. I bet some people or even the aubtor might know from where I hot thses troupes. I forgot the stories names. But I know I know are part of the many LIAG (life is a game fanfics that where a hit a few years ago. Till they went downhill)

1) I guess it's an established fact by this point that the canon banning of boys entering the girls section to go to their rooms and vice versa doesnt exist in this story. With the ability to just go to their side and enter his room more than once now and him never locking his door.

2) So the girls cant free themselves by doing the same or by him willingly releasing them from this debt?

What happens during wars with people saving eachother? What happens when a guy saves another guys wife or girlfriend?

Now curious where this life debt/bond thing came from in the first place.

3) When did he get his kissing skill up to such an level that he could cause that in just minutes by merely kissing? He hasnt had much practice that was shown. That's a rather low bar for achievement skill level wise either way if he can do that with just kissing already.

4) Aside from some curiosity and nitpicking it's a good chapter. Bit of suspense towards the end and a heads up that there's much more than just Moldywart for him to worry about.

1) He used that.. skill that let's him travel at the SPEED of LIGHT to hit a kid in the HEAD with a SHOVEL. Which was some how hard enough to send him flying yet didnt bash his head open. Simply playing out more like a looney tunes skit then reality.

2) Interesting thought of adding the girl to his party and getting her the observe skill. Letting her use it on her brother and later father. Through her even adding her mother Narcissa to the party. Narcissa taking them and others over the school break to those dungeons hes interested in and all leveling up together and gaining new skills.

Narcissa happily helping and using it to gain an edge in power, skill, and wealth to separate herself from Lucius and even form a connection with Harry for both her and her daughters sake.

3) Nope to Irma.

4) Why the heck would those girls be there instead of the halloween feast? That's painfully forced.

5) I hate that speed of light crap. Unlimited use, no mp need, no stat issue, no issue with corners, apparently perfect reaction while using it to go around corners and not running into anything or anyone, using it like the flash to shift around in a fight if he wants apparently. He will never need a defensive skill except to protect his back or if someone's using something too fast for him to react to. As long as he can engage his light speed skill he is safe. Frankly he could blast magic, light shift, magic, light shift, and so on and beat anything and anyone as long as his magic can damage the target and widdle it down.

Hell he can grab a sword and light speed past anyone and obliterate them. If what he is holding is not affected by the speed like he and his clothes aren't then he can slice anything at that speed and one shot anything.

Apparently hes not worried about anyone catching him using that obnoxious, overpowered skill either which no one including the ededic memory Hermione remember him using in front of them. Skill bugs the crap out of me.

6) Could someone explain how the girls get a benefit from magical overcharge simply due to being near him while he was using magic? I dont see why that would be a thing. It is doubtful he even used much power in general.

Hoping this one isnt yet another that ignores Tonks until after she graduates. Even then only for little pop ups here and there.

I think she graduates her 7th year when he does his 2nd.

Could be interesting having her anamagous ability not only level up but upgrade and evolve through his system. Eventually being able to tap into non human transformations both full and partial. Maybe incorporating needing sampling of such dna like a few drops of blood or even flesh contact.

Even being able to mix and match over time. Permanent denser bones and stronger everything. Even imitating the looks of monsters both real and fantasy. Like a female Minator or demon queen.

Upgrading her very magic capacity through magical creatures and beings like the Veela, Phoenix, or dragons. Not outright gaining all abilities like becoming a human Phoenix but who's to say not over time upgrading the skill more and more to a higher tier on top of leveling it.

Luna for example could gain some seer abilities maybe. Magical control and excelling in runes and wards. Taming and even unlocking dormant or new abilities in creatures with magic manipulation.

So it seems he was aged up due to not wanting to wait until his 2nd year to have him do all the legal stuff.

Shame it didnt have Hermione going room to room and encountering him like before even as an intro. She would probably bust her ass to make use of the system benefits as his party member.

Meant to write over a thousand dollars in my earlier post involving the Brownies. Remembered wrong by the time I finally got to the end of the chapter. Fricken tired.

What muscles is she seeing through that big ass school robe?

1) It can evolve into a phoenix if given Holy Fire.

This bit feels out of place and if anything is just a spoiler that seems to want to be shown to the readers.

2) I'm a little confused on the first portion or the author notes at the bottom. Is that saying that the harem isnt considered to be just women who are in a relationship with him and counts those who are sex friends?

I ask because a harem involves an actual relationship, not just anyone hes intimate with.

(Reminds me of a story where some ...person labeled his MC as having a harem. Then you read and see the MC makes and owns a brothel and all the girls are supposed to be his harem that he whores out to the masses. Where it's really just he is the boss and had the benefit of screwing his prostitutes whenever he wants and they are most definitely not his "harem".)

Personally I hope sex friends aren't a thing. Dont know why he would have a group of girls hes actually with and then turn around and have some girls hes possibly sharing with others that for some reason dont care about being anything more to him than a booty call. Heck it's very unlikely in this story setup that any other guys would be remotely as appealing to them as Harry would for them to not be interested in anything more.

3) Why is he being aged up a year? Hes supposed to be 11 during the first year of school, not 12. Gets the note on his 11th birthday in July and then school starts shortly after. I forget the exact month.

4) Curious why he didnt makecuse of his ID Create and use it more. Maybe unlocking training/dungeon use he couldve used some nights while stuck at home instead of wasting time.

5) I recommend the "party room" be upgradable and his own personal or a 2nd personal ID room he can access.

The bit about not being able to have other party members out beyond 4 of them makes it sound like if he has 50 people hes befriended and added to his party they are permanently counted and auto sent to the room. Where they are stuck if he has more than 4 of them out at any given time.

I'm hoping he can add and remove as well as not be forced to keep them within. That he can simply just have 5 active people in a party at any given time counting himself and even if others fight with him it doesnt benefit him experience wise as it's like someone outside of his group is interfering and taking xp from his party.

Later options could allow him to form a 2nd party and more eventually being able to make his own raid groups and be able to have more than one team active at a time for different situations while still enjoying and making use of the system benefits of gaining xp and levels.

Maybe even make his own guild and get benefits from that.

Throwing it out there in case you don't know. Those 250 galleons he got from those 5 weak Brownies is basically 1,000 dollars.

Kids on his way earning a small fortune facing basic bottom tier enemies.

Broken crit luck.

Indestructible gauntlets.

Move at the speed of light... of all the broken, heavy handed... Apparently it doesnt have any stat or mpg requirements. He can just move at the speed of light now. Should any near godlike abilities be expected before he even starts school?

Even if one doesnt want to keep rewards fitting the task and level with some leeway for better item drops. That's way overboard. Unlocking a fast travel option to locations he has been once before. Even if not limited to large in general locations like a city or forest and instead given the choice of buildings and streets or specific images in ones head. It could be acceptable if hes been there once before.

But traveling at the speed of light just like that. Sours the tone of the whole story of what to expect in later chapters.

Hoping he will have access to a party option. Whether he gets an ID Create ability, shop function, or skill books it would be great. Giving them access to xp and stats as well as skill boosting possibilities.

wiki/Gamer%27s_Body
Did you intentionally nerf Gamer's Body for your fic?