|Reviews for Silly Songbird|
| phelipebr chapter 8 . 12/31/2020
| Chisaki Kouu chapter 18 . 12/23/2020
Good story, I very much enjoyed it, but as others have said before me, extremely disjointed.
I do not understand why he kissed Valerie, at all. My headcanon is that it was for getting her affinities or powers through saliva, or whatever the thing was he brought up to his family at the start of the story. Or maybe she was just that hot to him.
Thats the biggest one. Also, when you start on new scenes, you take so long to let us to get even an inkling on how the fuck the specific scene relates to the previous one or the story. I still do not understand the scene where Ophis was being "maternal" while SOMEONE slept, talking to someone wanting her freedom, and having became wise since ages past. You literally said that the young man sleeping was BROWN haired, hence, I can't decide if it was a typo, or for some reason, Ophis was praising the amazing planning of Issei.
But as I said, I liked this story a lot. Many scenes were straight up epic, while other scenes were dreadfully long and boring; so while not lacking flaws, I think you did a good job. Only referring to it with finality as it seems to me it's dropped.
| El PEPE chapter 18 . 12/17/2020
| Wolfick chapter 11 . 11/21/2020
This whole novel is driving me nuts now. The grammar and sentence building are truly excellent, a few inconsequential typos, but that’s about it. The detriments however are overflowing.
FIRST - the text is extremely superfluous, filled with extensive explanations for everything that just get added as time goes by. There are times this is good to be used, but this is too much. This is especially seen in speech, which will follow a pattern like this:
“Speech blah blah blah,” person A said.
10~20 paragraphs talking about/explaining the topic person A brought up
“Speech blah blah blah” person B responded
It’s very difficult to follow conversations when they are so broken up. Without going into more detail on it and how it creates poor pacing for the story, let’s move on to the next point.
SECOND - disjointed. This is mainly how the story is presented. Often between scenes, and especially between chapters, there a blank time gaps with no link to join the former to the latter. It randomly jumps to another point and you need to reassociate what is happening in the story.
In these blank sections, a lot of events seem to take place that should be written out, but it is completely ignored until it is convenient, or forced convenience, to bring up. Even parts of the story that *was* being written get skipped over, leaving all these parts where it just glosses over “well, this is what happened/just happened and what I did.”
THIRD - cringey cliches. This is stuff such as “such an innocent little girl tripped over, how can I just ignore her” (followed by long inner monologue how this may cause all his plans to become unravelled and lead to the end of the world). There is also cliches taken out of anime WHICH SHOULD NEVER BE DONE.
In case that isn’t clear enough, this is stuff like facial expressions, a mom who can cause even the most powerful devil to have ever existed to feel fear toward her, etc... Just, no.
FOURTH - intelligence. Now if this is based on the original universe, then you have done it wrong. The people aren’t full of these sinister machinations and plots within plots and such how you have laid it out. So I am going to look at this as an AU.
To sum it all up, the plotting, intelligence, and overall delivery is childish. Yes, they are all extremely intelligent, plotting and what not, but it’s delivered/written like a child sticking his chest out in pride like he succeeded in his/her master plot.
Examples of this are like the forced intelligent scenarios where everyone seems to know a lot of information they shouldn’t, they just know because “they’re dat smart”. Another is after the rating game, where our beloved Riser cum protagonist explains “I did this, and this, and that, before then doing that, all just to get here, under this perfect scenario blah blah I’m just that smart”.
Now, I understand what you, the author intended here. A plot twist, a reveal that everything was planned, and executed properly. But it wasn’t. I didn’t find it particularly intelligent at all, instead it felt childish and forced. Especially when many of his actions are not intelligent but are straight up reckless.
FINALLY - that’s all for the flaws, I’m sure there are more, as there are good points too, but this just does it for me. I loved the idea of Riser being a protagonist, and I wasn’t even expecting some 5 Michelin Star meal, but this is just mashed potatoes.
| jonathan.nadav.05 chapter 4 . 11/21/2020
But what kind of gentleman would I be if I decide to abandon a sweet little girl.
Why does the author of every story I read, ruins it?!
| theangrychef chapter 4 . 11/6/2020
I actually didnt like this chapter. Him acting the same as riser is really annoying. I'm going to keep reading for now though because I enjoyed the previous chapters.
| Lord Parthas chapter 5 . 10/22/2020
Well, it was disappointing to see another virgin love Asia so much.
| ExBlazE chapter 6 . 10/19/2020
I was truly expecting Issei to pull a bullshit deus ex machina out of his ass. Or for Riser to make a silly mistake. I was really expecting there to be a moment where I'd get to say "of COURSE that happened". I thought I'd get the chance when the Kancho went awry. But surprisingly, you held up. Huh. Not bad. Nice.
| PsylentFox chapter 18 . 10/15/2020
Was a little iffy early on with the whole soul thing, but I find myself more impressed with each chapter. :)
Looking forward to when this story breaks from its nap! :)
| PsylentFox chapter 5 . 10/14/2020
Dunno how we went from "I'm training everyon really hard while expirimenting with many different kinds of cool magic" to "I now have a thousand human souls within my possession and I am now experimenting with them"...
The MC did say that he was slightly off his rocker, which is fine- in a universe like this sanity and common sense *need* to be shifted (not outright discarded) in order to grow in strength and function. That and somehow he went from "I'm not going to be an asshole like the other Riser" to "I'm going to be an asshole like Riser and make out with my girls and fondle their tits and stuff in front of Rias" in the span of a few chapters.
Normally contrasts in thought would be interesting to read, but when there isn't any explanation in the change of plans it becomes off putting.
Seriously- BAM! I now have one thousand human souls!
Still I am enjoying it and I'm hoping that this will continue to develop in a "Riser becomes a pretty decent dude and actually contributes" rather than a "I am now become insanely powered overlord of all of hell and everyon now bow before me for I is stronk. And ebil."
| prince awsome chapter 7 . 9/23/2020
OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH BABYYYYYYYYYYY , I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU MAN BUT THIS SHIT WAS STRAIGHT UP HEET , THE BEST CHAPTER UP TO DATE , KEEP UP THE GOOD WORL FAM
| Fanfiction0000 chapter 14 . 9/17/2020
Don't stop updating
| Fanfiction0000 chapter 13 . 9/17/2020
Ik I'm a year late but please continue this
| Fanfiction0000 chapter 12 . 9/17/2020
| Fanfiction0000 chapter 11 . 9/17/2020