|Reviews for Happy Little Moments|
| FullMentalPanic chapter 1 . 6/10/2020
This reminds that maybe I should finish reading the Arisa series. Very vibrant characters, Tsubasa is quite mercurial, but I recall that's how she was in canon as well. There's a few misspellings and article errors here and there, but not enough to really disrupt the flow. Good job with the character interaction in this, they all seem to fit together nicely and their actions relate to one another believably.
| md chapter 1 . 9/12/2016
So this is my first time doing a review.
Not sure if there was a story about these same characters prior to this?
I felt the "bantering" between the two characters was engaging and filled with good descriptions and "voice".
I got lost between what I assume were Chapter breaks.
There should be more of a transition to Kira and the Phone and clarification on the notebook section.
How does this work ? Will someone else continue the story?
Story does engage the reader which is great.
| EeveeGen9988 chapter 1 . 7/4/2016
Hey, Soror! Great to see you back! Another story I see... so let's get this review started! :D
Even if you didn't exactly always say what emotions the characters were experiencing I had a fair idea for what they were, so great job! *thumbs (paws) up* I could totally tell how Tsubasa was frustrated and angry from her interactions with Takeru and Akira...
I'll just go over some points that I felt needed some attention (I'm not always a grammar expert so don't take my word always)...
"State your business before I track you down and break your hands so that you won't be able to call me!" Wow, she certainly does sound angry! O_O I was a little curious if there was a way to give Tsubasa a chance to breathe during this line...? But considering how angry she is... she might have just yelled out everything fast...
'Takeru was lucky that he wasn't talking to Tsubasa in person. He would've had more than just broken hands.' I felt as though these two sentences could work better as one sentence instead of two, because it could have a comma instead of a period... When I read this part, it felt like between the two sentences there was a short pause that you would find with a comma... It might just be me... but I feel as though it would run smoother if it was one sentence...
I noticed that there were three sentences where they started as 'Tsubasa'... To keep the flow good, not having three (or more) sentences that start with the same word would flow better...
Overall, you did a great job with the story! Keep up the great work! :3
| Aviantei chapter 1 . 6/27/2016
Welcome back, Soror! Glad to see that you've joined us again. And with a fandom I don't recognize, either. Let's get started, shall we?
Quick note on dialogue tags: if the tag is modifying the dialogue, then it starts with a lower case letter (proper nouns being the exception. For example:
"State your business before I track you down and break your hands so that you won't be able to call me!" [s]he snapped into the phone.
Speaking of that line, this Tsubasa's got quite the rash attitude, doesn't she? Nice job at showing character through her words in actions instead of just telling us that she has a nasty temper on her!
Hehe, we got a bit of a tsundere on our hands, actually. It's okay, Tsubasa. Food always wins me over, too.
I also think you do a good job at establishing the relationship between Akira and Tsubasa here. Even as an outsider, I can tell they've got a teasing, but trusting relationship.
Ha, and a snarky ending, to boot. A nice use of "Making Time" to show that sometimes it's best to take a breather and get some rest. That's um...actually some timely advice I could be taking to heart now. Thanks for that.
And this series...out of curiosity I took a look and it seems like an interesting ride. Maybe I'll check it out sometime!
Whether you backtrack to pick up your missing prompts or simply move forward, the best of luck to you in your writing. See you soon!