Reviews for The Silent Familiar
maskedkeeper chapter 2 . 12/10/2020
only real issue is being used magic (or what would seem like it) yet she is still called a commoner
GundamDemon chapter 3 . 5/9/2019
Please post again soon
Psihopatul chapter 3 . 6/11/2018
should've read the chapter list first. Are you still working on this story's re-write?
Psihopatul chapter 2 . 6/11/2018
This is certainly interesting. Going to move on the 3rd chapter which I do see is so far the last chapter, I do hope you are working on the 4th chapter, this story certainly has gotten my interest and will be adding it to my favorites and follow it as well.
lordofthenight97 chapter 2 . 9/27/2017
Well, one glaring mistake is with her weapon. Neo's parasol does not shoot the dust round, that's Roman's cane, Melodic Cudgal, that does it. Neko's parasol has a hidden blade, and nothing more
Guest chapter 3 . 5/17/2017
Well, if you can get Neo to bond with people here, I'll be fine. She needs a better crowd than Cinder and Torchwick.
Guest chapter 1 . 4/27/2017
Yeah no... this is an absurd way to portray Neo considering she is probably one of the strongest underlings on the dark side in RWBY. Colbert is a guy that retired from being a supposedly strong fire mage that essentially killed innocent people for his corrupt society. He only left because he finally grew a backbone and a conscience. Lastly, why would they automatically assume that she was a commoner on sight despite evidence to the contrary? This is a sign that you followed the typical trope that all the bad writers in this fandom follow when they write this part of the story. Also, it is ludicrous that Neo would be caught off guard by anybody in the FoZ verse unless they can actually show good reaction speed.
Irisheart2015 chapter 3 . 2/21/2017
Please continue this it's excellent and I believe that you only missed neo's sassyness
King of Fans chapter 3 . 12/19/2016
I find Neo to be great in the story and hope you post more soon.
King of fans chapter 3 . 12/18/2016
I personally think you were doing a good job and especially since her character wasn't fully show.
King of fans chapter 2 . 12/18/2016
Good chapter
King of fans chapter 1 . 12/18/2016
Congratulation you summand a ice cream cone, Or do you prefer a lady that's shorter then you Louise?
Swift chapter 1 . 11/29/2016
So, what happened to Neo's Aura shield? Y'know that expression of her awakened soul that acts as a general super-soldier maker and forcefield capable of surviving forces that would turn steel into a cratered mess?
Slavok chapter 2 . 11/1/2016
Considering how Neo probably just killed thirty people *that day* while breaking Roman out of prison, she seems surprisingly docile. Why didn't she kill Louise before running away? "Because then you wouldn't have a story," is an excuse, not a reason. "Because that's what happened in canon," is another excuse. I'm not saying you should have started out your story by murdering a sixteen year old girl (not if you wanted to keep the K rating, at least), but if you're starring what is, from what we've seen in RWBY, an evil henchwoman, then you need to answer those kinds of questions. Also, her being *caught* trying to escape when she can literally vanish into thin air is a gross underestimation of her abilities.

So, what could Neo have done instead? The first chapter wasn't bad. Neo was confused and Colbert was one of the most powerful characters in FoZ. One of the main weaknesses of mages was that they need to ready the spell before they cast it, but that can be overlooked. In this chapter, one of the first things she could have done was check her scroll to contact Roman or one of her other evil friends. When she discovered that the scroll had no service, she grew suspicious about how far away from home she was. She asked Louise about her whereabouts, using gestures and expressions more than words, and eventually came to the conclusion that she had left Remnant.

Then Louise explained to her what would be expected of her as her familiar, to which Neo responded with one written question: Why? Why should she submit to Louise's will? Would she be paid well? Would there be perks or rewards involved? At this, Louise countered with the question of what services a commoner could provide that would merit more pay than room, board, and the honor of serving her betters, and Neo responded by telling her that she was, if not a murderer, then at least a warrior. Louise wanted proof of Neo's combat prowess, leading the story neatly to the duel with Guiche.

Of course, it might be too late to make those changes, so feel free to forget all that. But one thing that you *need* to change is that Neo's inability to speak needs to come off less as a disability and more as an aspect of mystery. Most of communication is body language anyway, so when Neo communicates through nods, winks, and exaggerated gestures, it should at least seem like it's a matter of choice instead of a matter of ability, making her silence seem stylistic instead of pitiful. And, as one of the strongest characters in the show, Neo is far from pitiful.

Great writing and I hope you continue this story. Also, you wrote the words "line break" instead of inserting a line break. Just thought I'd let you know.
Rimmer Dall chapter 2 . 10/4/2016
Yeah, this Neo In Name Only.
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