|Reviews for Hustled|
| Arn chapter 1 . 11/10/2017
This was so cute. Can't believe Tenten did all that for Sasuke tho...that's some deication
| LiL-Princess-Of-Death chapter 1 . 11/5/2017
Omg this was perfect! I loved it!
| twinquies chapter 1 . 7/11/2017
I feel so happy reading the past reviewers :) this story was great!
| Annie-Mae Quinn chapter 1 . 8/6/2016
This is such a quality story both content-wise and how you organized your flow of ideas. I'm giving you an A plus for the plot and humor. It goes without saying that you would be good at commentary. It is there in how you write. We'd be here all day if I talked about the story itself because it was just that good. There was something else that twice as good though, which I really appreciated.
The structure and overall make up of the story. You wrote this like you sat in front of a literature textbook and followed all the instructions on how to write a story. This may be a oneshot but you nailed all the characteristics that a good story (especially a multi-chaptered one) should have without my questioning anything. It wasn't lacking at all and I find that most oneshots never ''fully tell'' a story. This one felt complete.
Some authors do end one-shots and it feels complete but if you are to go back to the basics something in the middle is always missing. That didn't happen with this story and I am really impressed by it. The structure was complete. People mistake wrapping up the plot of a story as the same as completing the story. They are not the same. For a story to be complete, all elements of storytelling should've been present, tackled and organized accordingly:
1. Hook - This is the beginning of the story grabs the reader’s attention and inspires him/her to read on.
2. Desire - You should create a protagonist to be to achieve a goal.
3. Conflict - You should create a conflict that the protagonist must deal with before he/she can achieve his/her goal.
4. Challenge and Obstacles. The protagonist must face obstacles and setbacks throughout the story before he/she can achieve the goal.
5. Climax. The story must include a turning point. Usually, the protagonist confronts the antagonist in the story.
6. Resolution. In the ending, you must tie up loose ends and answer any unresolved questions.
In that exact order. You aced it. It's not something many people pay attention to when they read fanfiction but a good percentage of writers don't organize their stories well; their conflict comes before the protagonist even has a desire or some other bullshit kind of organization flaw.
A lot of writers change the desire of the protagonist half way into the story and throw everything off course. I was expecting Sasuke to suddenly decide that he wants to sleep with her instead to be quite frank. Many might have found that believable and a far more interesting route but then you would have to start over the story-telling process and redefine everything else. Otherwise everything would just be chaotic, technique-wise. Thank you for sticking to the script.
Nothing is wrong with changing the character's goal because people realistically change their minds but from the standpoint of a very technical writer it makes a mess of the story when the conflict and everything remains the same even after there is a change in objective.
Giving your character an ulterior motive and letting readers be aware of it would be the more structure-friendly approach.
Where I think you fell down a bit was the Hook of the story. You grabbed my attention because of the skillful way you weaved your words together to basically say that Sasuke is a player but for the average reader they might've needed more of a bang to persuade them to read on. I would still give it an A. It wasn't a cliche opening and it wasn't a forced one either.
It was cool of you to give both protagonists a desire :) I was shocked to discover that Sasuke's intentions were always pure but Tenten's (that were cleverly revealed later on) were not. It was a nice twist. I should've expected it but you covered your tracks well.
Both of them had unique conflicts. Sasuke's was obvious but Tenten's weren't until the end. I feel like both characters were equally involved in the story. It was mostly told from Sasuke's perspective but the end made Tenten more of an active participant in the plot.
You gave them both obstacles and they had their own resolutions which was so simple and beautiful. I don't like unnecessarily complex resolutions. As for the climax...well they shared that one when Sasuke insulted her but I'm sure they'll share another one of another kind later ;)
This was a great story. The content was award-winning. The humor undid me but I wanted to focus my review on something else because I found all that I mentioned above, commendable.
I got married on SasuTen day, that's why this went unread til now. I will surely add this to my list of favorites to read again. Whenever I see a princesshyuuga01 review on a story I know it has to be good especially if she personally recommends it.
Stay tuned. I've added Clandestine to my reading list :)
- Annie-Mae Quinn
| Leia -san chapter 1 . 7/19/2016
OMG I love what you did there! :D Go, go Tenten! Tame that flirtatious Sasu-chan and put a ring on him xD
| Sayori Hollyhood chapter 1 . 7/11/2016
i'm still having a hard time believing that Sasuke would fall for something like this. But taking into consideration how self absorbed is he is, his knowledge outside of his teams ability is definitely plausible.
Sasuke makes Tenten act alittle crazy. so i can see her going to this extreme to get his attention but to be fairly honest his interest was already peeked. she could have just as easily asked him to hang out or use a training invitation to save face. he would have been with it. And even if he acted like he wasnt. She could have guilt tripped him. she is not above that when it comes to Sasuke. LoL
I wonder who she hit with that stray kunai.
Stick and Pointy Those definitely sound like names Sasuke and Tenten would come up with.
Thank you for posting.
| princesshyuuga01 chapter 1 . 7/9/2016
Lmfao! Now I definitely see how the title ties into the story. Hahaha! シ That was fucking clever. He got "hustled''. Tenten is so sly, I honestly cannot stop laughing. What a humorous start to my Saturday!
Happy SasuTen Day! (*︶*)
Man, hahaha that was fucking great! There were so many lines that you dropped that either had me laughing my ass off or marvelling at your play on words. I really love the way you narrate, you can completely make light of a serious situation and still not come off as sadistic for relishing it. That's quite something, believe me.
"In the past, it was like barter to him: Trade a rose and he could lay claim to anyone he chose."
ohhhhh hahaha, Sasuke sounds really smooth. I laughed so hard at for some reason. I loved this Road to Ninja AU. Everyone is so different and way more interesting. Well it seems Tenten wasn't really much different ;) She was so cheeky lmao. Sasuke got played like a fiddle. I can't help feeling bad for him, he was really determined to help her. Then again, I don't blame Tenten (I never do) lmaaoooo!
RTN Hinata sounds scary as fuck. Even Sasuke is afraid of her. Yikes. Menma has a sharp tongue LOOL we all know his counterpart was lousy at comebacks and stuff like that lmao. Ino stutters LMFAO! it's an absolute joy to read fics that explore this alternative world. Seriously I can't stop laughing xD
I loved all of Sasuke's jab at Tenten's lousy aim. They were hilarious and blunt as fuck. Even when he was "trying to see the brighter side" of things it still seemed like he was mocking her.
"Tenten, the self-proclaimed "Weapon's Mistress of Konoha", Sasuke wasn't sure if she was using that nickname for irony's sake. The girl was notorious for being either the unluckiest or clumsiest person ever, on the bright side, she had become quite adept at first aid."
Hahahhhahaa! I'm sorry. "Self-proclaimed" and "for irony's sake" was savage as fuck. He completely made her seem like a joke LOL xD I kept laughing throughout the whole thing because in my mind I kept picturing them in their SD forms. Chibi Sasuke getting pissed at chibi Tenten for sucking so bad with weapons made me crack up even more.
Fuck! her Kunais landed everywhere except for the targets? LOOOOOOOL! WHAT AN HILARIOUSLY EPIC FAIL! Oh my God, my poor baby. It must've hurt her to pretend to suck for so long... Not as much as it literally hurt Sasuke I must say though. Hahaa and he admitted to it lmao xD
She named her kunai...err... Pointy? Honestly that was when they morphed into chibis in my mind. That was too fucking cute lmao. Pointy though? Seriously Tennie? Looooool! I can just imagine the look on Sasuke's face upon hearing that hahahha! Like...are you shitting me? Pointy? What the fuck? ‾︿‾
Awww look at both of them getting flustered after a few harmeless touches. Dying xD Wait. Nope. I died when someone cried out "My leg" after Tenten's first throw. I had tears in my eyes xD And they weren't for that unfortunate soul who got impaled hahahhahahha!
They ran instead of going to give the person aid? Omg how horrible hahahha! Again... the chibis that I conjured in my mind made that running scene a touch more hilarious than I think you intended. I am almost hoarse.
Geez it's been awhile since I've read any fanfiction, let alone SasuTen in English with this amount of humour and all the things that make SasuTen so beautiful. The jabs, the subtle attraction, the cheekiness, the bickering, their pettiness towards each other. This had everything ;)
I deadpanned at "Pointy 2.0 and... Stick."
Okay. Tenten was awfully cute when she revealed her kunai's name... Sasuke was just dreadful. He sure put a lot of thought into it, didn't he? Not that Tenten did either... err they suck at giving names. I can relate lmao!
Tenten cut herself on a practice Kunai? Whoa...whoa...whoa (･_･) You know what, I won't even question it. I have cut myself on a spoon before so who I am to talk? But fuck! Seriously Tenten? Hahhhahhahahhahaha! You're so brutal with ridiculing my baby! She was made out to be such a horrid fail xD
Okay... she closed her eyes when aiming at the targets? No wonder she was so bad. I wonder if that was some kind of strategy. I mean, if she closed her eyes she could imagine the target to be anywhere in her mind... and aim it there. As opposed to having her eyes opened. Her natural instincts would probably beat the need to put up a show to trick Sasuke. She'd automatically aim for the target and wouldn't miss? Huh? Maybe I am thinking too much about it. I just think there was a reason she kept her eyes closed :P
Is it wrong that I found all this absolutely adorable? Even when she fails I can't help but find it cute. It was even more so after I found out she was faking it. Hahahha! Poor Sasuke.
His little tantrum killed me. *coughs coughs* chibi Sasuke jumping up and having a fit with Tenten just pouting and blinking like a clueless little kid hahaha! It's comical.
I really liked her reasoning behind being so determined to perfect the art of weaponry. I also like the sentiment she expressed about never blaming the weapon. It was really nice :)
"Sasuke could hardly remember anyone's Chunin exam aside from his own team's. He had spent a good portion of the exams ogling the Mizukage..."
Well I would be damned.. *coughs coughs* shameless ship advertisement *coughs coughs* ;)
"Tenten, I really think your eyes are the shit. You get it because they're brown?"
Bahahahhahhaha! That has got to be the worst pickup line I have ever heard. Hahahhahahha! I would've slapped him. Well I guess she shouldn't take anything he said whilst drunk seriously. He said so himself hahaha! Oh wow she carried him home. Hahahha! Embarrassing much? Looool Sasuke is such a lightweight. I always imagined he would be xD
He gave her a plastic rose? Lmao! He had less game here than that time he placed it in the book lmao xD
Menma cracked me up. That diss to Sasuke lmao xD Oh god. That was merciless. Then Sakura added her piece...yeah. Right. Like I was saying. Menma is awesome lmao xD Sasuke was completely at a loss for a better retort lmao hahahhahah! Fucker! Loool
That last scene made me laugh so hard, I choked and coughed. She nailed him in the ass hahahha! Omfg! He was so happy she made her target and he was bleeding out like crazy lmao. I don't want to know what the curious villagers will be thinking lmao xD Ooooommmmffffgggg I can't find words! That was fucking hilarious! XD
Then he goes, "I'll give you another chance to hit" hahahha! "Not like that. I'm not into that kind of thing." He must've been flustered as shit lmao. I am rolling xD hahhahahahhahha! Wow Sasuke. You gotta think before you speak...lmao
Tenten intends to nail him later on hahhaha! Omg that last line was fucking brilliant. So that was the plan after all. Omg Sakura and Menma totally sold him out hahahhaha!
Man, I am laughing so much I can't say anything sensible right now. This was fucking awesome. You made my day!
Great story. It was beautifully written too. Excellent narration. Nice touches of humour and I really loved Sasuke's train of thought. It was perfect. I am content. This was amazing :)