|Reviews for Guilt and Pride|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
No no. I thought it was really good. You did a decent job with piccolo for the most part
| Crystalzap chapter 1 . 6/8/2011
Aw Piccolo did go 'soft' XD
| DreamCatcher16 chapter 1 . 8/21/2008
Wow. this is amazing. Nothing seems out of character in my eyes. If a scene like this were to go down in the show I can imagine it would have been similiar to this.
I know it was written in 03 but whatever :P I'm still reviewing.
| callietitan chapter 1 . 3/6/2006
one word; aw! ok, some more words, very well done, it made me feel all warm inside. love it. excuse my grammar. once again; aw!
| Namek Kaia chapter 1 . 4/13/2003
You'll get no boos from me! That was wonderfully written. Very original. I don't think I've read a fic with this plot from this perspective before. Great work. Hope to read more Piccolo fics from you
| Jadesaber chapter 1 . 3/24/2003
That was a good story. I liked the way you described how Piccolo was feeling and what he was thinking. I hope you write more like this in the future.
| Tenshi Sasher chapter 1 . 3/16/2003
MIRA! *Glomps YOU* BWUAHAHA! How's my favorite chickadee? AGH! I know at this particular moment in time I'm not YOUR favorite... (Excuse me while I use the correct Canadian pronunciation...) FavoUrite chickadee, for taking so long to review! GAH! *grabs hair and tries to pull it out only succeeding in cutting off proper blood circulation to fall unconscious to the floor in twisted agony* AH! THE PAIN! THE PAIN!
So anyhow, how's college life treating you... BWUAHAHA! Yeah, college sounds great! I'll be moving there not this summer but NEXT summer! How rad is that? AHH! When I do your SO coming down to visit me, wakarimasu ka? GREAT! You can just skip out on boring high school life then... Who knows, with your brilliance you may ascend far beyond the goons in your classes to become an *GASP* EARLY GRADUATE! So how about's you's comin' to a college in Mississippi? Yeah, I KNOW it's far away, but we'd have the freakin' time of our lives! Can you imagine us, roommates at college? We might as well just collaborate and meet in the middle in some community college in Iowa. Nothing exciting happens there, or so I've heard. WE CAN SINGLE HANDEDLY MAKE IOWA THE PARTY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD! YAH! I can see us rockin' out to country ballads in the corn fields! *grabs microphone and sings like Kuririn in movie eight* "BLAME IT ON YOUR LYIN' CHEATIN' COLD-DEAD BEATIN' TWO TIMIN' DOUBLE DEALIN' MEANESS TREATIN' LOVIN' HEART!"
*Mira grabs microphone, also singing Kuririn-esque* "MOVIN' TO THE COUNTRY, GONNA PICK ME A 'LOTTA PEACHES!"
BWUHAHAHA! Seriously though, I LOVE country music, if for no other reason, the accurate interpretation of country life! I mean, SERIOUSLY! More often than not, rap music jilts the concept of reality. Like I heard one comedian on BET the other night (BET comedians are SO funny! Almost as good as Jeff Foxworthy! Yeah, he's adored down here... As if he wouldn't be _) "I get so sick of these rappers talkin' about livin' in the ghetto and gettin' shot and livin' in this wet, run-down one-room apartment buildings. And I'm thinkin, They wearing at least a half millions dollars worth of jewelry around their necks, the first thing to havin' money... RELOCATION? BWUAHAHA!
Anyhow, I'm rambling, but oh well! The longer I talk the longer this review is gonna be, and the happier your gonna be and the bigger pain your going to be to Leia when your assault her from sheer hyperness! Ah, well, just don't let her know that I'M the cause of all of this, or she might actually go Majin on me. I fear you won't be the only sparring partner I'll have when I see you in St. Louis! *JUMPS AROUND LIKE A CAFFEINE-INDUCED VEGETA* AH! ST. LOUIS! I CAN'T WAIT! I CAN'T WAIT! AH!
*Sigh* Oh yeah, here's my new phone number:
867-5309 *back up singers* 867-530 NINE*
ACK! Not really! Did you think I'd leave my number in a review where everyone could see? I think not! I just happen to want to sing! Since we've already covered country songs, and somewhat rap, I figure we should move on to 80's! YEAH!
*ELONGATED SIGH* What the heck, I'm just stalling because I KNOW this fic is going to depress me! And you call ME bad! GOSH! I learn from the master... Master... Master Roshi... MASTER MIRA ROSHI! AH! *Slaps you* NO WONDER YOU WANT TO MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS! YOU'VE ALREADY HIT ON CHICHI, NOW YOUR HITTING ON ME TOO! BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*holds sides while laughing* Seriously though, hitting on Chichi... HAHAHAHAA! *Hides face and shoos everyone away in peals of laughter* JUST DON'T GET TOO CLOSE THIS TIME, EH MARONEY? After all, YOU have a Fully Articulated Battle Damaged IF Labs Super Saiyan Prince Vegeta Action Figure with which YOU sleep... And who have I, I ask? WHO? MASTER ROSHI! I guess it is a sign, but just because I'm meeting you doesn't mean you get a date! BWUAHAHA!
Anyhow *DEEP SIGH* You know when I bawled to you the other day after watching the last episode of DBZ? DID YOU KNOW I COULDN'T EAT FOR THREE DAYS AFTER THAT? I had to FORCE myself to eat *catches Mira at the sheer thought of Tenshi not eating* Eh, what can I say, I'm as tanless as Android Nineteen and I make Majin Buu shudder at the mass... BWUAHAHA!
But anyhow, I STILL haven't gained my appetite back, HOPEFULLY THIS WILL BE THE START OF MY REVOLUTIONARY NEW DIET! *Tenkaichi Budokai announcer-esque voice* Forget Dr. Atkins and Richard Simmons, just buy my new book, "Dieting with Dragonball Z" to lose those unsightly inches from your thighs! You'll work out with Goku, and lose five pounds in water weight due to the drool you emit from doing so! You'll lose your cravings for sweets as you float with Vegeta in Majin Buu's digestive system!
Goku: Party time, what the heck is party time?
Vegeta: He said 'Potty Time', not 'Party Time!'
Goku: Looks like we're not gonna make the most graceful of exits!
*ROLLING* AH! How hilarious!
ACK! My older brother just walked in the room, and, in an effort to make you blush, I read an excerpt from your story of which I am reviewing! I told him how amazing you were, and I read him a part from it! *IRONICALLY, it happened to be the paragraph which houses my favoUrite image of yours of all time!* Taking into note that my brother is a REALLY, REALLY good author (and I am not lying just because he's my brother! He's half way finished with his novel!) And he said that some people just have a gift for imagery and detail, and that he could tell just by hearing that excerpt that you DEFINITELY had that gift, and a lot of it! He says when he gets time, he'd love to read the rest of your story! *grabs you and dances around* YAH! MORE REVIEWS FOR MIRA-CHAN!
Anyhow, I guess I should get to this, as my stalling is dwindling... Actually not, I could go on all night like this! HEHEHE, just like the notorious SKUNK-APE! BWUAHAHA! *dies of embarrassment and lack of breath from laughing* MY LORD! I mean, these guys may have been rednecks, but they WEREN'T Mississippians (Yes, actually, we ARE called Mississippians, your brighter'n ya look, kid!) Otherwise, they'd have called him the 'POLE-CAT APE"! BWUAHAHA!
*Mira's mock Mississippi drawl*: Yeah, when I was younger, I went 'ta D* High School and had a very special girl in my life. Her name was Bessie. She was a chicken.
AH! OMG! THAT SLAYED ME! I DONT THINK I'LL EVER GET OVER THAT! A chicken... AH! *laughs as Mira falls over in utter and complete disgust* And in the last chapter of 'Dieting With Dragonball Z, we'll add in an extra chapter, 'Losing Your Lunch with Bestiality!'
AH! *Slaps self* gosh, am I EVER getting gross! You and your Roshi ways are corrupting me! AH! AH! And you say it's ME corrupting YOU! How odd, I don't think that I have ever corrupted anyone in my life. Wow, separately, we're harmless, but when together, WE CORRUPT EACH OTHER! How awesome, we are clones, after all...
Okay, I bet I've rambled on enough for a lifetime, this just means I expect MORE rambling from you *glomps Mira as she falls out from the thought* YES! I mean, we're role models for all of the wanna-be ramblers, we HAVE to uphold the honor!
Okay, now I'm seriously going to start, after that chicken comment, it can only go downhill from there, so we might as well go uphill by talking about this story!
*blinks* You know what's funny? When you said our anniversary is coming up, I had JUST got through reading the first letter you sent to ME on a whim! Isn't that FREAKY? Big Daddy Gero made us more alike than I thought! Anyhow, I read like the SECOND LETTER you ever sent me while I was in my 'Mira!' Folder, and you were talking about how you were writing a Piccolo/Gohan story, but it was only at the very beginning stages! I mean, gollie! I feel like this story is a child, a child that I have watched grow from it's very conception to adulthood! *grabs a hankie and makes it dance* How do you make a hankie dance? PUT A LITTLE BOOGIE IN IT! HAHAHA! *Is reminded of cheesy FUNi line that Goku forever says, 'Let's Boogie'* I mean, HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE SAID THAT? About as many times as Vegeta has uttered, "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT... IT'S UNREAL..." HAHAHAA!
Anyways, by the SECOND letter you sent me I KNEW I had found a kindred spirit. You were talking about the evils of babysitting, and your like "If those blasted kids make me play ponies with them one more time I'm going to break into their house in the night, cut off the ponies heads and mount them on the wall! And when they wake up tomorrow morning and come down for breakfast, there will be the mangled headless bodies of their precious decapitated ponies! BWUAHAHA!"
And I'm thinking, "FINALLY! SOMEONE AS EVIL AS I! COULD IT BE MY LONG LOST CLONE? NO... IT COULDN'T BE..."
And then YOU brought it up, and I KNEW it was true! *Bear hugs you* SISTER! SISTER I'VE FOUND YOU!
Hehe, I guess we should have names, huh? Even though I KNOW it's not the way the Japanese say it, I wanna be Android #59. Why, may you ask? As I've stated, it wouldn't be the way they pronounce it, but the letter five is 'Go' and the letter nine is 'Ku' SO THEREFORE I AM JUUGOKU! AH! *runs screaming into night* *returns* AND, if you notice, My Studly Hunk Of Ebony Hottness, while in Super Saiyan Mode (huh, I guess that makes him My Studly Hunk of Golden Hottness... Nah, Golden is TOO overused, I must think of a more elaborate adjective. HOW 'BOUT 'YELLER? *shakes head* Nah, this will take some time and thought...) AS I WAS SAYING BEFORE I SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED MYSELF! *frowns as Bear hands Tenshi a copyright infringement bill* DANG, she has this COPYRIGHTED? DARN HER TO EVERLASTING REDEMPTION *Mouth hits floor as Mira hands Tenshi a Copyright Infringement bill* AH! HOW IS EVERYONE GETTING STUFF COPYRIGHTED THESE DAYS? WHY, its enough to drive a person to Majinhood!
ANYHOW, IF YOU NOTICE IN THE PRE-CELL GAMES EPISODES, (Goku's HOTTNESS in those episodes is staggering, is it not?) GOKU'S JACKET THAT HE'S WEARING HAS THE JERSEY NUMBER '59' ON IT! COINKIDINK? I THINK NOT!
BWUAHAHA! In a mad rage to find a sufficient word, I visited my local thesaurus and searched 'Golden'. I found some of the entries quite amusing, like 'MELLOW YELLOW' AHH! MY STUDLY HUNK OF MELLOW YELLOW HOTTNESS! Ack, I thought I'd hate it, now I kinda like it... However, I'm a bit torn between 'tawny' an 'cornsilk'... Hm... LETS HAVE A VOTE! ALL IN FAVOR OF MELLOW YELLOW? *no one raises hand* TAWNY? *no response* CORNSILK? *Nada* GOKU? *Tenshi raises hand and runs off with Goku before anyone can stop her* Eh, he looks SO much hotter as a level one Saiyan, I don't think the SSJ upgrade, though sexy, is ANY kinda comparison with ANY of the Saiya-jins regular forms. So now that Goku is my veritable love slave, I COMMAND HIM TO ALWAYS STAY AS MY STUDLY HUNK OF EBONY HOTTNESS 24-7! Maybe I'll recruit Rou Kaioshin to make Goku a Mystic Saiyan like Gohan so that he WONT HAVE THE OPTION OF TURNING SUPER SAIYAN! YEAH! Me likies the idea _
HOW IN THE HOME FOR INFINITE LOSERS DID I GET ON THIS SUBJECT? I bet your as mad as a hornet because now that I've FINALLY got around to reviewing... I HAVEN'T! STARTING NOW! NO MORE STALLING!
Anyhow, I'm going to start out by saying that I LOVED this fiction, and it is by far one of your most flattering pieces or work! I have no complaints with it whatsoever! Now that that's out of the way, LET THE SHAMELESS FLATTERY BEGIN! *rubs hands maliciously*
Oh yeah... AKIRA TORIYAMA'S SON IS MINE! MINE! Even if he slightly hates me for keeping his father captive in my closet for all-time... Eh, what the heck, the kid'll grow out of it!
Hehehe... Thanks for the recognition, though, it always helps my ego when I see myself mentioned _ TEE HEE!
Oh wow, your first paragraph NEVER ceases to amaze me! It's so gorgeous, I wish I had YOUR creative imagination to describe morning SO beautifully. For some odd reason, I've been stuck on rain and storms lately... Hehe, I think you noticed that *blushes* GOSH I'M SO EVIL! Anyhow, your introductory paragraph is so pretty, it instantly drew me into everything else you had to say!
And your depiction of Piccy-Sama *jumps up and down* WOWIES! I LOVE how you do Piccolo! *glances at that last line* Nevermind, I'm not EVEN going to start with myself! ANYHOW, I LOVED the imagery here, how his reflection goes all wavy when the water moves, just beautiful, my dear! Simply stunning! Your little bitty uses of pictures like that just astounds me!
AWW! And Gohan coming up to see him with that spiky black hair! That AWESOME hair cut his daddy gave him...*BAWLS* YOUR DOING IT! YOUR DOING IT RIGHT NOW! Your making my mind come back full-circle to my Studly Hunk of Ebony Hottness! And his DEATH! HIS HORRENDOUSLY TRAGIC DEATH! Oh gosh, how do you DO this to me every single time? I'm NOT exaggerating either, your just...*dishevels* WAH!
AWW! *holds chest* The way you described Gohan is just heartbreaking, even though I haven't gotten to the meat of his sadness yet! But I LOVED the way you used here, that though Piccolo wasn't Gohan's species, he knew when he was sad. Not just because they were close, but because his pain was so palpable and all, it really made an impact. And how the tone he used wasn't one that an eleven year old boy should have, OH THE ACHING SADNESS! And how his hair was more unruly than usual was a really nice touch, too, since when I'm sad, I tend to not notice things like personal grooming and all. Heck, I don't do that even when I'm happy, lol! But Gohan here looks like a little lost puppy, GOSH! I wanna draw a picture! Unfortunately, I'm not too good at Gohan, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I KNOW WHO CAN DRAW ANYONE IN THE DADBLASTED SHOW AND MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE BRI GARCIA *grumbles* but, going back to our oath... I SHALL NOT BE JEALOUS! *Conks Mira with a blunt, heavy object* GOOD, now that she's unconscious, I CAN BE AS JEALOUS AS I WANT TO UNTIL SHE COMES BACK AROUND! *sheepish grin* JUST KIDDING!
*rolls eyes into the back of her head thinking about the next paragraph* YUM, you know how to make a girls day! PICCOLO STRIPPING! YEAH! WHOA! My man is getting jealous! *revels in her utter and complete luck as My Studly Hunk of Ebony Hottness protectively encircles his strong, sculptured arms around me and pulls me against his chiseled body in an overprotective huff* o... Something about that man's 'huff'... especially when so overprotective! *kisses Goku passionately* Don't worry, dear, if you keep up the too cute protective bit, I'll make sure not to run away with Piccolo!
*SMACKS HEAD HARD* DANGIT! What IS with me tonight? I've got Goku on my freakin' brain! AND HERE WE HAVE AN AWESOMELY AUTHORED STORY ABOUT HIS SON! *grumbles* Lucky Chichi... Getting to bear his sons. DAG! I'd even bear his sons, though you know of my oath to have children, yet not go through natural childbirth. How I shall accomplish this I don't know, but I'll think of something. I mean, I think in writing 'Something Deeper' I've totally freaked myself out on having kids. EESH! But man, I'd GLADLY bear Goku's kids! THE PAY IS WORTH THE PLAY AND MORE, SO MUCH MORE! *Throws herself off of a cliff to stop the thoughts* GOOD GADS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! Its YOU! YOUR CORRUPTING ME, MIRA! ITS ALL YOU! NOT ME! ALL YOU! I have to go to CHURCH in the morning! I think from now on I sha'nt have any kind of contact with you before Sunday and Wednesday! Just kidding, I don't think my thoughts are that sinful... *hits Mira as she rolls eyes* Kid, we're having an EXTRA hard sparring match when I see you!
BACK TO THE STORY! I LOVE your battle scenes in this story! One would think that YOUR the martial artist here! I mean, the way you described the offensive mode that Gohan was in and not the defensive mode was just great. I mean, I know how to think that, but to write it is totally different. But your fight scenes are so interesting, whereas most people's fight scenes I find incredibly boring. I made Bear read this with me once, and she was in awe of your ability to write such a fast-paced battle that was interesting AND visually stimulating. And the stimulating part comes from GOOD WRITING, not just the thought of Piccolo swinging those muscular arms like a wild cheerleader... *sighs dreamily until dragged away by an overly concerned veritable ebony haired love slave* BWUAHAHA! YES, GOKU! YES! COME TO ME!
"Come on, Gohan! You're not trying!" Piccolo barked, using the same commanding tone of voice he had when Gohan was only a four-year-old tenderfoot
I LIKE this line oodles! Why, you may ask? Well, more than one reason. This inadvertently reminds me of Piccolo and Gohan's past. One who knows nothing of Dragonball Z or the charcter history, when reading this line, would automatically make an assumption that Gohan has grown up with Piccolo, and by the authority he uses here, it's easy to distinguish that Piccolo was a huge authortative figure in his early life, and apparently still is. Also, I LOVE the period in which Gohan and Piccolo are trainin, because POOR little Gohan really gets the doo knocked out of him for no reason, but still loves Piccy-Sama unconditionally anyway. It's a VERY adorable and true nature of how altruistic children really are, and how they can change others without trying, and you make me and the inexperienced reader feel that emotion in this line. Also, I love how you call him 'tenderfoot' just as Piccolo did in the episode, 'Arrival'
(Piccolo holding Gohan by the shirt before dropping him in the water) "Wake up you little tenderfoot, boot camp is about to begin."
Hehe, I love it when little additions like that are made, in reference to a line in either version anime or manga. One example that leaps to my mind is actually by a fiction your sister wrote, where Kuririn falls to the ground and says to Goku's spirit, "You once told me that dying sucks, but living can suck, too."
I don't know WHY that stuck with me, but it did. Both she and you have a gift for giving lines and examples that stick with me all the time. ITS CANADA, MAN! *promptly grabs a gallon of bottled Canadian water* HAHA! Now I shall rule the world with this highly clean water from some spring in Manitoba! *shakes head* WAIT! IT WON'T WORK UNLESS ITS FROM ONTARIO! *Assumes Mojo Jojo position* CURSES!
Gosh, as was reading as Gohan was plummeting towards the earth and he came back with a defensive, something about that line while he was falling made me actually FEEL as if I WAS falling backwards, and suddenly flew back up! IT WAS AMAZING! I'm going to read it again and maybe I really WILL fly! But seriously, that was a good visual, as well as the fact he didn't stop to hold his jaw. When your mind wanders... And I should know *grins*... Sometimes you don't acknowledge things like this.
WOW *Blinks rapidly* ONCE AGAIN your ability to put yourself totally into a characters position before writing a story! As Gohan comes back for the attack, it just makes me NAMEKIAN with envy (Yeah, don't use green anymore, it's too cliché', from now on, your NAMEKIAN with envy!) On how you can do this! Like 99.9% of all authors would have written that Gohan came up and was fighting really well, but you used it as Gohan was fighting well out of habit, not gusto or aggression. Heck, I would have done it the other way, but your way is so much more efficient and... COOL! Like how he was just fighting well because he had it down to an art, and Piccolo could easily tell that his heart wasn't in it. The closest other authors would have got to this is that 'Gohan fought well, but half-heartedly' or 'Gohan began to beat the snot out of Piccolo' but you have a much better grasp than either two. I don't know if I'm getting across what I'm trying to comment on, but it's just freakin' AWESOME, okay? This is a VERY impressive part of this story for me! It gets TWO WONDERIFICS! And a FANTABULOUS to boot! And how about a FUNDERFUL! I like that!
Their location was a mystery, though Piccolo strongly suspected them to be centered within the boy himself
*Falls over* GOODNESS MIRA, THAT was a good line! Like how before this you've described Gohan's eyes as far away and just wandering, sort of, but how they really seemed to not be on a physical realm. I REALY liked that concept, and it made just the BIGGEST impression on my mind's eye! I LOVE IT! GREAT GREAT GREAT JOB!
The next few paragraphs where Piccolo is thinking about that look in his eyes and how it always helped before to talk or spar when he had that lost expression, that was SPLENDIRIFIC! I could just see Gohan sitting on the ground and talking to Piccolo in his plain, slurred four year old accent about the Saiyans, and then when he was a bit older and concerned for his mom while Goku was away. That painted the most adorable image in my head! And it worked EXTREMELY well in this context. ME LOVES! Great addition, too, the part about Piccolo shoving Gohan off when he hugged him *Elated grin* THAT PICCY-SAMA!
Yet, I can understand how much it would have helped to just have someone to talk to. Someone who'll listen and understand what your going through, even if they've never had that situation in their lives. Yet, they sit and listen with the utmost care and concern and lift you up from the ashes of your brokeness and help you to feel better again *looks at you with wet eyes before attaching to your waist* I LOVE YOU MIRA! THANK YOU FOR BEING MY PICCOLO!
GOSH! This line here!
Piccolo could almost see the different thoughts dart about through the boy's mind as he struggled with whatever he was facing inside himself
WHOA, talk about some deep mess! That was sensational! I can't reiterate how much I LOVE your gift for imagery. VERY unnatural imagery, like different thoughts in someone's head in succession casuing them to change their facial contortment and all... GOOD GRACIOUS! You find the weirdest things to portray, but since our mind works weirdly most times, it just makes it like that much more potent and prominent when you describe them, and since your descriptions are flawless anyhow, I HEARTILY and ALWAYS look forward to your next depiction. Like, as a person walks outside, instead of noticing a bird in a tree, they might notice a bubblegum wrapper half-buried in the dirt beneath a bush. So when THAT kind of imagery is used, whereas nearly all authors use the imagery of the bird, you use the one of the gum wrapper. THIS IS A COMPLIMENT, I ASSURE YOU! Its just the tiny, minute, microscopic details, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well, that make you UNTOUCHABLE in this area of writing. I just can't think of enough good things to say about you!
Son Goku's death had occurred not quite one month ago, leaving the wound of his loss still fresh and painful for those he'd left behind
*GASP* I know how awful it feels, that first month is always the hardest, even moreso than the anniversaries of their deaths and things like that. Your usage of this tiny line, "For those he'd left behind" Just... INSPIRES me. GOSH! I think I'm going to write a song about it! I've been divinely impacted! *shakes hand* THANKS! If your good, I'll mention you when this ballad reaches number one on every chart in every music genre on earth and the surrounding galaxies. JUST KIDDING! Of COURSE I'll mention you, heck, YOU'LL BE SINGING IT WITH ME, since you most CERTAINLY have the much more gorgeous voice between the two of us! I was practically CRYING when you were singing the other night, and not just because of your choice of songs, either! (Which, by the way, is SO totally impeccable I'm reeling still!)
When you described Goku's 'confusion' at Gohan's refusal to destroy Cell... *purses lips* what an awesome word to describe Goku's feelings. Goku isn't easily angered, and especially not at his family. There was the time he really yelled at Gohan when he was fighting Frieza... LOOK! GOOSEBUMPS! Because he didn't want Gohan to get hurt. But other than protective issues, Goku doesn't get mad too much. And so to describe his feelings as 'confusion' was a REALLY clear, in depth look at Goku's psyche. I can't believe your versatility at getting into these characters minds! YOUR AS BAD AS BABIDI! Actually, lol, considering your Babidi impression, your AS GOOD as Babidi! I've never heard anyone do him so well! And since you insist that I do a good Majin Buu, we should work up a routine together to really zing everyone at the Amusement Park! LOL! After all, Buu DID destroy the amusement park he and Babidi went to... IT'S A SIGN, MIRA! AN UNHOLY OMEN! AH!
But anyhow, one more note on this, I like how you refer to 'Goku' as 'Son' when the thoughts are from Piccolo's point of view. VERY introspective, MUCH LIKIES FROM THE CROWD *cheers*
The horror stricken faces of the Z-senshi flashed before Piccolo's eyes, each one separately, as they realized what he was about to do
This is SO cool here, as it's like the series, when everyone realizes Goku is going to die, and how it flashes individually from each persons shock-wracked face. HOW AWESOME! It was, as if, Piccolo's point of view was the true one that you saw in the series! Did you do that on purpose? Whether or not you did, the point is still the same. HOW COL!
And the realization that the cause of Son's death rested directly on his own shoulders appeared in his ebony eyes
*BAWLS* Gosh, I can't even IMAGINE how Gohan felt. It's one thing to be responsible for someone's death, but to, in a sense, inadvertently MURDER your own FATHER, how could you even go on with life? I think you captured Gohan's frantic and obstinate pursuit of self-guilt impeccably in this story.
Ah, and Piccolo KNEW that Gohan was going to have to come to terms with this, and so he barked a salt-on-an-open-wound type statement to our favorite little Son boy. VERY true to his character, the distinction between the fact that he was going to have to deal with reality and how to do it, executed in perfect Piccolo symmetry.
And then how Gohan goes all Carrie on Piccolo when he thinks of the Cell fight... GOOSEBUMPS AGAIN! I can SE his anger, his aggression, his emotion... It's all so clear! You did a wonderful job in clarifying Gohan's anger here, as well as the fight scene.
Though his power did not wane, punches became wide swings, kicks landing far from their mark to pass harmlessly through empty air
Once again, I'm honestly wondering if you DON'T take martial arts. Either your a closet Jackie Chan, or you just have a VERY HIGH perception rate. I admire the writing here very much, and once again your images and situations.
And then Gohan finally caves in, having had enough that he can stand. AND SO ENTER MY favoUrite VISUAL OF YOURS OF ALL TIME! I don't even know WHY this stays with me so much, it's one of those things that you can never really understand, but *drumroll* HERE IT IS!
Gohan was hunched over on the ground, clutching tufts of raven hair so that veins stood out beneath his knuckles
VEINS BENEATH THE KNUCKLES! *Hands Mira the Tenshi Choice Award for BEST EVER VISUAL* I haven't given that one out yet, have I? I HOPE NOT BECAUSE THIS DESERVES IT! AS DOES ALL OF YOUR WORK! But I absolutely adore this visual. You always hear about the veins protruding, or the white knuckles, but a KNUCKLE/VEIN COMBO? Wowies, sometime more is better! But the visual here, to me, of his cute veiny knuckles indicates a frenzied, desperate grabbing motion, in which his fingers are pushed to their limits of grasp. Thus, it also shows a SEVERE inner battle. I know sometime when I'm hurting inside, I white knuckle something because I just have to GRAB something to take out my inner pain on a physical element. And this here is AWESOME! You get a hug for no reason, just writing such a profound line *hug*
"I killed him, Piccolo-san!"
FINALLY! THIS, ladies and germs, is the pent-up, built-in, knuckle-popping, eye-splattering, tummy-rumbling, all-out inner ANGST that I LONGED to see in the anime! No matter HOW all right the situation turned out, you KNOW that the fact that he was responsible for his fathers death HAUNTED him, but the anime/manga never delved into the amount of pain he was sure to have felt. Not only from killing his own father, but from the fact that he would miss him around the house, and at dinnertime, and that he had to live with the deal that he had killed his friend's oldest bud, his mother's husband, and the earth's greatest warrior and hero. THAT'S A LOT OF LOAD for an eleven year old boy, especially an eleven year old boy who thought nothing short of Chikyuu about his father. OH THE ANGST! Great way to address this, the simple, blunt, straightforward, "I KILLED HIM PICCOLO-SAN!"
And then him talking about Kuririn, Bulma, Yamucha and Vegeta... Dear me, it's a wonder this tyke didn't have deep-seated psychological problems, what with everything he had to go through. It's a shame how easily Gohan's plight is tossed aside when Trunks and Goten are kids. They never got an OUNCE of a FRACTION of what Gohan got, and yet they're practically elevated to his level of torment. It's awful, really, it is!
"Every night I can hear mom crying. It's always quiet, like she doesn't want me to hear her, but that just makes it worse!"
What an effective line this is! It rings VERY true to Chichi's character, to cry quietly. She cries loudly when things bug or annoy her, or when she's VERY angry or upset, but when something REALLY guts her deeply in an emotional, hard to reach place, she'd much rather keep quiet about it than let her son know how much she's hurting. Also, it indicates slightly to me, that Chichi doesn't want Gohan to know she's crying because he feels responsible for his death. So whereas she might have cried much more freely around him if Goku had just died, now she wouldn't because she didn't want Gohan to feel any worse. And poor baby, he knew it to *CRIES*
Her attempt to make it appear as though everything was fine was painful even to Piccolo
Ish, that's what hurts the most, methinks, is trying to pretend that everything is okay when EVERYONE knows it's not. It's just plain TERRIBLE, really, trying to hide something that is so palpable in every aspect of a body's life... But still, true to her character. Where some of them would relish in their sadness, Chichi relishes to herself when she's alone, but appears to be normal on the outside. Poor girl, I do it, too.
"I can't explain it; they're... empty. It's like all the life that was in them was scooped up and tossed out the window when Dad died."
WOW. THAT was good. It made me tear up (yes, for your information I've cried every time I've read this story!) But also, the metaphor he used was rather infantile, and so you really do see how young he is and how brave he is as well to be able to deal with something like this and not go clinically insane, but it also shows how he is almost to his breaking point. And also, it was a very, VERY good way to describe her sorrow. I know my eyes would look like that if Goku died *Grabs My Studly Hunk of Ebony Hottness and squeezes his toned little tummy* AH, I do so love being a homewrecker...
"I'm still the same stupid little kid, careless and immature. I'm just a stupid little kid, and now Dad's dead!"
To quote my little brother.. "AW GIRL!" I just... HOCHA YOW! What a way to describe Gohan's feelings! Iv'e always had a personal connection with Gohan because of the insecurity factor he has. Now, I'm not always that way, and neither is he, but we all have our own personal demons. His being that he feels inadequate when stacked up against everyone else and that he won't be able to save everyone when the time arises. This peculiarity is odd, when considering who's kid he is, but it's still very evident. His self-doubt came from WAY before Cell, but it magnifies a billionfold afterwards, I'm almost CERTAIN. OF COURSE, DANGITALL, WE DON'T GET TO SEE IT! *dramatically* NO!
"How could I have been so arrogant? Dad's gone forever! He won't be coming back this time, and it's all my fault! It's all my fault!"
VERY POWERFUL, and the line reeks of Movie Two! How awesome! I know you said you don't remember it too good, but when Piccolo is possessed, Gohan just goes ape on the doctor who has Piccolo under his control. He goes, "This is all your fault... ALL YOUR FAULT!" And man he SCREAMS and it makes me go AH! Its SO powerful! ME LOVE IT! But still, VERY palpable pain here!
The details of Gohan's life were just AWESOME, and they were true to a 'T'. I particularly like this one,
He had been forced to deal with more in only a few years than most adults ever would in a lifetime
GADS! AND THIS PARAGRAPH IS POSSIBLY ONE OF YOUR BEST EVER! SEE! GOOSEBUMPS OVER GOOSEBUMPS!
And yet, Piccolo could still see the pleading, desperate look of a child deep within Gohan's eyes. Despite the deprivation of a simple childhood, Gohan really was only a boy, looking for the answers to things he could not comprehend, and desperately seeking comfort in those older and wiser than himself
Yeah, it's a whole paragraph, but totally WORTHY of the whole mention! It's just so honestly pure. Those that are forced to grow up quickly usually do have an outlet for venting their immaturity and/or childlike qualities, and for Gohan to have none besides his own cheerful, kid-like personality would be unbearable. Especially since he went from having a perfect childhood to known at all. He went from four year old boy to four year old man, to quote a very good and powerful line that one authoress I know very well wrote in referring to a certain, lavender haired demi-Saiyan, a line that sticks with me ALL THE TIME and lives like a reoccurring chant in my head! AH!
*SOB* And then when Piccolo pulled Gohan into his lap and Gohan just cried... THIS IS THE PART THAT MAKES ME WEP! I'm crying right now, it's just so... GOSH! I love this line here,
All the years of trying to be stronger, of bottled up emotions and ageing beyond his years fell away, leaving the small, bewildered child exposed to the world
AW! I can SEE it, I can! Good gosh Maroney, HOW YOU DO IT I DON'T KNOW BUT I WISH I DID!
The whole paragraph describing Piccolo's feelings on the instance were awesome, for lack of a gooder word *toothless grin* and summing it up with, "For once, Piccolo let him cry." Was just really poignant. It pricked at my soul, but comforted me, too. You seem to have a way with making me just melt while reading your stuff.
"You have a responsibility now, Gohan. It is your duty to take care of and protect those whom your father left behind, especially your mother. You have an obligation, one that you must be strong enough to carry out."
Piccolo's speech to Gohan here is just really well done. It's as if Piccolo is REALLY talking to Gohan, and as far as I'm concerned, your fictions are as real as the anime itself. Maybe THAT'S why I cry so much! The awesome instances you put the characters in are the ones I'm DYING to see, and when I actually 'see' them, it's too much for me!
"What do you think your father would do? Would he sit here feeling sorry for himself when there were people who depended on him? Who needed him? You know he wouldn't. You owe it to the people who have been hurt to comfort and protect them."
Ah, so good! You nail (no pun intended, hee hee) Piccolo's respect towards Goku here perfectly, as he knows exactly how Goku would react to this, yet still manages to make a point to Gohan about what is acceptable and all. And plus, it's just an incredible dialogue. You once told me you thought your dialogue was stiff, while saying MINE was smooth? *Conks you in the head* I HOPE THAT KNOCKS SOME SENSE INTO YOU!
"I know Mom needs me, Piccolo-san," Gohan said, his voice small and despairing. "...but I can't! Every time I see her it just reminds me that I was the one to cause her all of this pain. How can I help her, or anyone, with something that's my fault in the first place? I wish I could be more like Dad; he always knew what to do, and how to make it better..."
GOSH HERE I AM WITH TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY CHEEKS! HOW UNFAIR! But gee whiz, the way Gohan is portrayed... *WIDE EYES* MERCIFUL HEAVENS! It's like he's not 'Gohan' in this story, but 'an eleven year old Gohan' which, in my opinion, is MUCH better. And also, I like how Piccolo's poignant words didn't resolve all of his guilt at once. Most times it takes much talking to get a point across, and so his automatic response to argue his point is VERY true to human nature, as Gohan is half-human. I imagine Saiyans are that way, too. But yes, this line isn't 'Gohan', it's 'An eleven year old boy' who is crying out for a heinous crime that is partly his fault. Of COURSE he's going to feel terrible! And your capturing that essence here is truly jarring.
But my favoUrite point to that line is the latter part, *ahem*
"I wish I could be more like Dad; he always knew what to do, and how to make it better..."
AW! That's true, not only to Gohan, but to an little boy. Dad is naturally, in most scenarios with eleven year olds of either gender, the coolest person in the world who ALWAYS knows what to do and how to make everything okay again. But also, it's true here of Gohan, because it wasn't a lie at all. Goku knew how to make everyone okay and happy, everything was okay with him there. The battle would be won with him present, and mom wouldn't be depressed if he was home. Naturally, everything fell right into place with Goku's presence. And so this only adds to his statement. TOTALLY ELECTRIFYING!
"But I'm not him! I don't know what to do! Dad was always a hero, helping and saving everybody." He gritted his teeth an turned away. "I'm no hero. I'm a murderer."
AH, once again, the self-doubt, but Piccolo's response here was VERY good for his character and for the situation in general.
"Stop it, Gohan! You made a mistake, but that doesn't make you a murderer! You father died to save you, to save everyone, and was happy to do so. Do you think he would want you to live your life like this, after he had sacrificed so much for you?"
The voice of reason, as well as the voice of our favoUrite Namekian hunk-a-bunk! This was like, TOTALLY right for the situation, for both his person and the ordeal. Instead of 'it's okay, your not a murderer' or "SHUT UP!" You made a VERY good compromise between the two alternatives, and its by far the best response.
AW! And then the whole reconciliation for it all! ALL HE NEEDED WAS TO KNOW PICCOLO CARED! Aw, this is truly, truly, TRULY awesomeness at it's pinnacle! Sometimes all we need is to know someone cares enough to actually go through heck for us. *HUGS YOU* THANKS SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU MIRA! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!
For the first time in nearly a month, Piccolo saw him smile
BEAUTIFUL ENDING! SPLANDTASTIC! WONDERONIUM! NOW I'M JUST MAKING UP WORDS, BUT STILL! All in all, this is DEFINITELY one of your best works. I LOVE IT SO MUCH! I DON'T SEE HOW YOUR NOT 'OVERLY FOND' OF THIS PIECE! IT'S TRULY A WORK OF ART! A MASTERPIECE! Your awesome, Mira, God has given you this awesome gift of storytelling, and you'd be a raging baka to not realize it. I hope you become the next J.R.R Tolkein... OR THE NEXT AKIRA TORIYAMA! I KNOW you have it in 'ya! And thanks for the bad of cookies *MUNCH*
ANYHOW! I loved this fic, I have NO COMPLAINTS whatsoever. Everything was timed well, worded perfectly, everyone was in character, you didn't dwell too long on any one thing and you gave everything enough credit where it was due. I mean, absolutely NOTHING was missing from this story, oh yeah, except for a totally unrelated dream sequence where Goku would be swimming in a pool of hot jello... BUT I'M AFRIAD THE SHEER SPONTANTIALITY OF THAT WOULD HAVE KNOCKED ME THROUGH THE FLOOR! But really, this fiction was PERFECT. 'Nuff Said.
Well, it's 4:14am and I have church in a little while. I'm not going to get any sleep! Ah well, this fic was worth it! I LOVE YOU GIRL! WRITE ME SOON! GOD BLESS YOU SO MUCH!
| majunior117 chapter 1 . 2/16/2003
It was pretty good. Only pretty good, cuz I've read 5 million versions of this story. *shrugs*
| Bulma chapter 1 . 2/10/2003
Cool!I love it!Countie!:)
| vienna chapter 1 . 2/9/2003
this was sooooooooooo sweet!
one of the best I've ever read.
keep on writing, u rock!
| Marz chapter 1 . 2/7/2003
Hi! Great story! I really liked it. Whoever was yelling "Boo" doesn't know what they're talkin' about. For someone who says they don't write Piccolo, you did surprisingly well. I don't think I could've done it that well. Anyhoo, excellent story. You should write more Piccolo- and Gohan-centered fics. Happy writing! Ja! -
| 61743 chapter 1 . 1/31/2003
Great story there! I liked how you portraid the struggle of both, Gohan and Piccolo.
| Luki Dimension chapter 1 . 1/29/2003
Very good! I love the 'after cell' fics
| XZanayu chapter 1 . 1/28/2003
That was wondeful! Excellent job! I really loved it!
| Bugnuks And Crossbows chapter 1 . 1/28/2003
*Blinks* Wow... Mira... THAT WAS GREAT! How could you not like your own story? Its so... I dunno gal, words can't describe it. This is awesome, so descriptive, so-
Gohan: Thank you, now the world knows the truth, the hurt and the pain.
Amy: *Nods and glares at Gohans hand, which is covering her mouth*